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What do you guys think of this poem?

I wrote it when my girlfriend broke up with me we are good friend I want more than that but she doesn’t an it messes with me. bad luck lol I don’t have a name if you have on tell me an any ideas to make it better just tell me

The past is set the future uncharted Will the mistakes me made come back upon us If so can we last another night Or are we worth another try Should we just say good bye An just say that we tried with one last good bye

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Answer #1

Good bye is to repetitive in the end two lines. ‘Will the mistakes ME made’ does not make sense, and needs a question mark ‘The future uncharted’ sounds more about exploring new land masses, not your life.

5 lines could barely count as a poem, and soppy break ups are so overrated these days… egh.

Sorry, I’m harsh but, it’s the truth ;/

Answer #2

allow me 2 suggest you a little different poem .

v are friends.bt perhaps more thn frnds?, from your heart ask this. I ask nothing frm u, but only your love is what I wish. just like the sea is to the shores, I want 2 b always yours…

Answer #3

I got confused SORRY!

Answer #4

ok, for the person who said it sucks. read it over and over again. its obvious that he wants her back. he is trying. and loves her to bit. I would have tried this tho. I’ve loved you forever, I still love you today, We’ve been fighting for awhile, Why did it have to end today? I laughed and I cried, But atleast I tried, You’ll always be in my heart, But for now, You’ve tourn me apart.

By Kimberly Scott age 15

Answer #5

poem sucks. it started off ok but the end aint so good. if yall just broke up, let her have her space. stay close friends with her. if she doesn’t come back to you then it’s not meant to be. if she doesn’t come back to you in like 2 weeks, don’t waste your time on her. start searching for someone else. hell, if you do find someone else she might get jealous and want you back.

Answer #6

similar 2 yur other poem, is it the cut version? srry, not name suggestions and kaveri, that poem is beautiful

Answer #7

sorry bout that I’ve got to work on it a lil an no your not that harsh

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