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Purging my sanity, stepping closer to my fate Arousing dark thoughts with each step I take Your silhouette shining brightly over the lights of life Luring me closer, electrifying me inside
For all that’s left to give, my heart, my soul, on this very night My perpetual love, seeping into your veins And with all dismay, the night slowly creeping to its end I leave you with my heart, hold it close and don’t let go For I, my dear, truly am in love with you
It's really good Miggy Poo :) The last two sentences are a bit repetitive....I think if you replaced "love" in "I leave you with my love" with "heart", it may make the "truly am in love with you" part a bit more powerful. Just a thought :) Beyond that, I'm glad you feel that way, assuming it is based somewhat from truth. And to that special girl who is likely reading this now, I do hope she holds that love well.
You did very well sweety. You know I'm the grammar Nazi, so if I say it's good...well gee! Haha. The life and life in the first stanza may need a tiny tweak too, like "electrifying me inside" or "over the lights around" "over the lights of now" "over the lights herein"....etc.
its an amazing poem, there are websites for people who enjoy wiritng poems and from all oveer the world allpoetry.com, it's a good website, you should use it, with such great talent:)
I miss the old editing button for this reason, I'd just let you have at it but you can't do that lol. :S Thanks, I'll take electrifying me inside'' to keep the effect :)
ZOMG!! That was greeeeat! Lol I looked it over at first and the big words scared me an itsy bit :S but I read it and it sucked foot! :D
Ha, I may be a bit picky at times, so sorry about that. Really, just trying to help if possible. You don't need it much, if at all :)
I could edit the post, but no comments after. I'd look like a dummy for the suggestions because they wouldn't exist anymore...haha
You're welcome :) it's like the opposite of sucking d!ck (but I guess that isn't all that bad either :3)
OMG THAT IS AMAZING <3 (when ever I have to write a poem for class i'm funmailing you...lmfao)
OMG THAT WAS AMAZING <3 (when ever I have to write a poem for class i'm funmailing you lmfao)
Haha, when I got this in my email I was like ''sucked foot? :('' but thanks for clarifying :)
Ah well that makes a lot of sense :3 thanks so much Heaven, just like I was looking for! :)
Haha, I'm flattered, It's spontaneous though so you have to catch me at the right time :)
Aww I will, don't worry! It's kinda spontaneous so you might have to wait a bit lol :)
I would but i'ts spontaneous, not planned so whenever it comes, it comes lol. :S
Awww thanks Heaven, I got into panic mode when I couldn't find any words... :(
It is very beautiful and conveys the reality better than most other things.
I think that your poem is very sweet. Whoever receives it will love it. =)
it was beautiful. i love it =) you should write some more. . .
I dunno about beautiful, could be a bit better but thank you! :3
That's meant in a good way ^_^ It's a new thingy I made up :D
Lol ik what you mean! My poetry is spontaneous too. :)
It's so cute Mig. Keep up the writing, I love it. :)
oh my god is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, kinda tricky to get the words to fit :(
The suck d1ck face to the rescue :O haha
Awww thanks, you're right about that :3
You really thinsk so?! thanks Inez :D
It's still very appreciated :)
Depends who does it lol...
its amazing:) good job!:)
Oh why thank youuu! :3
its really sweet :)
Thanks! :)
wow :}
wow :}
