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What do you think of my poem I wrote!
Hey daddy dear I need you, please take me by the hand, I’m only young for a short while dad, before I become a man, It’s now that I need you daddy, to play and spend time with me, Please don’t say you cant now, oh daddy cant you see? I love you so much daddy, and I want to be just like you, And everything you show me dad, that’s what I know to do, For you are my hero daddy, and you are so big and strong, I’m sorry that I don’t do right, I’m sorry I do wrong, I’ts just that I miss you daddy & I want you here with me, Please be there for me daddy, oh daddy cant you see? I’m only young for a short while dad, please take me by the hand, Daddy dear I need you, before I become a man, Mummy is nice & I love her, but she is just a mum, Daddy dear you are my dad & I am your dear son, I hope you can forgive me, when I do all that is wrong, It’s only because I need you dad, I have needed you all along, Hey daddy dear I need you, please take me by the hand, I’m only young for a short while dad, before I become a Man!
try not usin daddy so much..if you cant think of another word for daddy then you can keep it
well mum & mummy is how we spell it in australia lol!!
ok, I changed it & you were right there were too many dads in it, so here is new one :-) ty x
Hey daddy dear I need you, please take me by the hand, I’m only young for a short while , before I become a man, It’s now that I need you daddy, to play and spend time with me, Please don’t say you cant now, oh daddy cant you see? I love you so much daddy, and I want to be just like you, And everything you show me , that’s what I know to do, For dont you know that you are my hero, and you are so big and strong, I’m sorry that I don’t do right, I’m sorry I do wrong, I’ts just that I miss you daddy & I want you here with me, Please be there for me dad, oh why cant you see? I’m only young for a short while dad, please take me by the hand, dont you know that I need you, before I become a man, Mummy is nice & I love her, although she is just a mum, but daddy dear you are my dad & I am your dear son, I hope you can forgive me, when I do all that is wrong, It’s only because I need you , I have needed you all along, Hey daddy dear I need you, please take me by the hand, I’m only young for a short while, before I become a Man.
Its good but instead off saying “mummy and mum” you should say mommy, and mom. And at the end it needs to be a period, not an exclamation mark.
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