Poem - Opinions?

It seems I spend more time critiquing others then receiving the criticism myself…I’m not really one to post my poetry…but here’s your chance…tell me what you think:

My weary mind passed through into another world, another time The visions that enchanted me were morose, but yet sublime Through forests deep and intricate my aching heart could roam And silent whispers called to me and told me I was home

It seems I walked for ages, when I saw a wondrous sight And thought my eyes deceived me in the failing of the light But there he stood, great and stark, protector of the wood I had no need to speak a word, the shepherd understood

He led me to an unusual place, where the Calendula grew And showed to me the abandoned tomb of someone I once knew My tears flowed down like a river stream, and drowned me in regret It pained me to remember, so I had let myself forget

My fingers softly brushed across my lordship’s name in stone And for the moment I suffered like I was once more left alone But something summoned my attention, a solitary plea My king begged me not to despair, for he was still with me

Answer #1

It’s frustrating to see everyone love this. It’s certainly not my cup of tea. I go for simplicity more and this has too many words. Poetry is one of those things where nobody is really right or wrong, except when it comes to those who mutually agree one piece of work is definitely crappy or definitely amazing.

Answer #2

This piece of artwork is amazing! ;-) I’m actually wanting to use this on another website that I belong to, so it’s definitely something special! What I like is that the rhyming doesn’t seem so forceful, if that makes sense.

Answer #3

It’s well rounded. Great imagery and excellent rhyme but your line alignment could be slightly improved. I found flaw in the meter through some unnecessary words and it sorta ruined the sentiment for me (no offence).Anyway I’d rate it a three out of five. Nice poem.


Answer #4

I have never before in my life actually read a poem that made me shed a tear ( I tend to not emote much). I’ve actually had to get a tissue for this one.

This is so beautifully written- it flows so well!

The only other thing I noticed (Editor pointed out the first one…) was the line: “It pained me to remember, so I had to let myself forget.”

Perhaps it would flow better if you left out the “had to”. “It pained me to remember, so I let myself forget.”- But that’s simply a personal opinion, it’s not necessarily a QUALIFIED opinion. I would like for you to know that this poem touched my heart on a deep level- it was just the catharsis I needed to end my painful week on a peaceful note. I’m glad you shared this with us. :)

Answer #5

I have to say of all the poetry posted on FA that’s the best I’ve read by far!

It’s really good and I fall into the same rhythm as you when I do my poetry so my only advice is the same I’ve been given, don’t feel like you have to rhyme the last beat of each line because sometimes it’ll make it sound elementary.

(Though in my opinion it does flow better to rhyme)

xox Sika

Answer #6

I love it you should so post more poetry. I not really one of those people who like every peoming in the world but I truly love that one. Well Done

Answer #7

It’s wonderful :)

I would remove the “but” in line 2. It isn’t necessary and the line would flow better. Also, in line “My fingers softly brushed across my lordship’s name in stone “, it seems a little long for the rest of the piece when I read it out loud. Otherwise, perfection.

Answer #8

I liked it also… and it would be a good idea to add more of your poetry on here… its actually very beautiful…

Answer #9

Terrific advice :)

I actually don’t rhyme all of my poetry…this one was for a contest and the outline was pretty specific.

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