How to get my daughter to see ahead?

I have a daughter that is 18 years old. She has had her life mapped out for years, she wants to be a PT. She also has a boyfriend going on two years now. He is joining the USAF in June he said college wasn’t for him. They want to get engaged before he goes to basic so when he gets out they can get married. I told her that she should wait till he gets out in 3 to 4 years and finds a job on the outside while she concentrates on her education. Then when he finds out what he is going to be doing then they can get married. I told her that trying to run a house pay bills travel and go to school isn’t going to be easy she thinks that the USAF is going to pay for everything all she is going to have to do is be with him and go to school. If anyone can shead some light on how hard it is going to be for her or convince me otherwise I would appreciate it.

Answer #1

Dear ccid, Alas…the dilemma eh. Well we know kids don’t get their executive part of their brain till around 25 and until then they tend to make bad choices. Ideally we should make all their decisions for them till then. But as you know they think they can run the world when they turn 18. As a society we’ve made that mistake…it is in the process of raising the age limit but until then we must deal with (I’m 18 and can do what I want syndrome) So my advice would be this…explain how you feel and and why you feel the way you do. Then take a deep breath and tell her that no matter what choice she makes you will be there to support and get her through it. This way you keep your relationship with her in tacked and she will have you to lean on when she realizes she has gotten in too deep. So in this case, wish her good luck and help her pack. Pick your battles well and this one is the first of many and many more will could be worse. Sue…good luck

Answer #2

It is her life and she is of legal age…it is not an easy age too. I understand where you are coming froma and I even agree that it will be a lot harder then they think it is at this point I do not think she is looking at that but more at her desire to marry this man and I think you as her mother should suport her in that and help her get to that point.

You can tell her these things over and over but let me ask you this is she really listening?

I am glad that she HAS a mother who loves her as you do and is there for her as you are I really am sadly not all f us have that. and I hope that she will see your wisdom and take some of your advice.

Just think though she is talking about getting engaged right now that is the first step in marriage yes, an the easy one I think you should let them be engaged…especially since legaly she does not need your aprovel to do so.

Life is hard ture but it is alos very workable.

I personally just aged out of Foster care Feb.22, 2008 when I turned 18 years old. Unlike your daughter I do not have family to suport me in my chocies and goals in live. I just know what I want and have a idea how to get there. Work and scchool, but lots of work to make ends meet. And you are right it is not EASY at all but it is not as hard as I thought it would be either and…it is possible. I believe that if your daughter and her Boy friend wants this bad enough they can do it.

You need to let her go in some ways…she has her own life to lvie as you have yours. I understand she is a part of your and you two will always have that. Some lessons though we have to learn the hard way and this might be one of them. thy might struggle at first but they will make it I asure I am confident. The mind s an amazing thing and love even more so. Let her go and watch her sour.

I can understand her waitting till msot of her schooling is done but the choice is hers. You can live her life for her. I am waitting till I finish school to even date…but my choices in life although she and I are the same age will not be the same. I understand her not wantting to wait…I see the benifit to both.

I think she can go to school and be engaged or even married and make it in life if she wants it bad enough.

Give her a chance and see what she does with it.

Good Lucka dn you are a good mother.

Dark Wolf

Answer #3

Thank you for your input, but I have tried talking to her about it (we can useully talk about anything) but she thinks I’m trying to stop her so she puts up a wall. She is and always has been a good kid and she has always been able to see when a friends or someone else isn’t making the best of choices. She is working in the health care profession and is going to school full time. I’m not agients the engagement, but I feel they should wait till after she has most of her school out of the way and he is out of the USAF and has a steady job so he is able to support them both while she finishes her education. She is just into the second semester of her freshmen year and has a long way to go. I feel she is risking a lot for love, when if done right she can have both. They are talking about getting married in six months after his bootcamp and some trainning program. I try telling her that life as a military wife isn’t all they make it out to be. Here at home she has no worries except school, working is her choice, we told her if work gets to be to much, quit. School comes first. We are not rich by any means but we want her to have the best chance to make it in this world as possible, it’s not easy out there and everyone should have a good foundation these days. Times are not getting any easier. She’s my child and I just want the best for her. How does a mother get a young person (a child now having to make adult decisions) to see how hard the future can be without crushing one dream in order to keep another? I know I’m not the only mother or my daughter the only daughter out there going through this. I hope that this blog helps others along with myself. All feed back welcome. Thank you.

Answer #4

Thank you sue for your comment it helped. I am working on putting my feelings down on paper so I can have a talk with her, if she won’t talk maybe she’ll read it. Thanks again.

Answer #5

You should be proud that she’s going down such a wonderful path and yeah so is he. Not every parent can claim that. It sounds like she knows her mind and how she wants her life to be and it’s not even negitive! You need to respect her choices now. You did a wonderful job, but she’s no longer a kid. Ofer her your personal advice sure, but you cant make her follow it. She sounds like she has a wonderful head on her shoulders. Respect that or you will lose her repsect.

Answer #6

Thank you Dark Wolf, I’m sure you know what a struggle life can be working and going to school, I’m glad you chose to finish school first, I wish you all the best. I’m not against the engagement at all, I think after he matures and gets his life together he will make a fine husband. It’s all in the timing and if they have to move around it will be very hard and her education may be put on the back burner. But thank you for helping me see that it is her life and I can’t live it for her. Again thank you.

Answer #7

It might be easier to watch a few select movies with your daughter. I would make it somewhat balanced, though. So, be fair about it. Try to find a movie that depicts how a person goes through the situation and has a positive outcome; then, also have one that has a person going through this and having an absolutely miserable outcome. Then, you two can probably discuss it in the context of the movie…it would probably be less inclined to have her put up a wall. Besides, at least she can see how others have succeeded or failed in similar circumstances. It could cause her to possibly change her mind, or to at least watch out for certain potential pitfalls. If nothing else, you can probably draw some inferences about why she’s thinking some of the things that she’s thinking.

Good luck with it.

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