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How can I help my daughter see that she deserves more?

My 17 yr old daughter has been dating a boy her age for almost 2 years. She can’t seem to see he is holding her back from everything. Friends, school, etc. She’s his alarm clock, driver, schedule keeper, etc. How can I “help” her see that she deserves so much more without driving a wedge between us? ~Frustrated Mom

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Answer #1

Dear tonyfan, What are you afraid of if you do tell your daughter how concerned you are? Will she run away, hit you, never speak to you again? Chances are she will listen to you, say you know nothing and then internalize everything you said. IT will make her think. They have been together 2 years…why has it gone on this long? Was her boyfriend always this way? If so then she needed to be told she could not continue this relationship 2 years ago. That’s what we parents do…take control of bad situations. It has gone on for 2 years now. If you have just started seeing these changes then have your daughter talk about what they used to have in common and what has changed. Sit with her and ask her what she thinks she deserves in a relationship, what she would like to see for her future, what would her prince charming be like…then take it from there and do some comparisons with her b/f. Conversations do have to include arguments. Listen carefully as to why she puts up with this behaviour, perhaps she needs to be needed? Perhaps a visit to a counsellor will help her understand why she is putting up with this. Sue…good luck

Answer #2

Your daughter probably feels lonely and confused at this part of her life. She’s going to need a lot of support from her family. I know that you probably spend everyday of your life 24/7 caring for your family and they dont appreciate it, but trust me they do, they just dont know how to express it, or they might also express incorrectly - maybe in a similar way, at times your daughter might not pick up the love you’re trying to give her. When your daughter feels better with herself, she’ll give more attention when you’re trying to help her. By the way, a problem like this might be a result of various things, so in future plz give a little more info. Be strong … -snowman

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