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How do I get close to my partner's 19-y-o daughter?

My partner and I are both in our late 40s. She has a 19-y-o daughter who has just left school and is taking a year off before going to college. I have only been on the scene for a year and have failed to establish any type of relationship with her because she is at that stage of breaking away and going out on her own and really is not interested in her mother’s boyfriend. I am afraid that unless she really accepts who I am then I will always be nothing but an inconvenience to her. It saddens me greatly. I really need to be more than just “that bloke that Mum hangs around with”.

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Answer #1

Give her time. Don’t try to force yourself into her life or she won’t like you at all bc she will feel like you are pressuring her. Just take her and her mom to supper or something once a week maybe. Or pick one night a month. Start with one night a month maybe and go from there. If you want to make it more often after that it would be up to you. My mom met her now husband when I was 19 but I had already moved out and accepted him as family bc I saw my mom was happy. If you try to force your way in I can almost promise you it will just make her never like you.

Answer #2

I think its really nice that its so important to you. You cant force a relationship with her, right now I imagine she is pretty preoccupied with her own life. You probably just have to give her some time.

Answer #3

‘I will always be nothing’

she’s a teenager. She’s allowed to think in terms of ‘always’ and ‘forever’. You’re the adult. You should know better by now. If the relationship with her mom lasts, she will have no choice but to deal with it. In the meanwhile, she’s a teen. Try to understand, she just isnt interested right now. So let her know that you are there, and then give her some space.

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