How should I deal with this situation and should I say anything?

Lately my husband has been calling and texting this other woman and flirting with her and having phone sex with her and they would be calling each other honey etc. I also saw in one of his text messages that he said l love you to and he knows that I know he’s been talking to her. They’ve been talking to each other for over a little over a month. A few weeks ago when I was on my husband’s facebook page she got online and try to say to him, so I logged out of his page and got on mine and sent her a message saying “Hello! This is amanda adams (charles’s wife). I just wanted to let you know that it was me a minute ago on charles’ page.” Then she said that she was just trying to say hey and that she was sorry. Then I told her “ Oh that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with just saying hello, lol.” Then right after that she texts my husband and puts words in my mouth by telling him I was asking her all kinds of questions about what her and husband has been talking about and how long they’ve been talking, etc. But my husband calls me and tells me this and he was snapping my head off for it and I had told him I never asked her any questions and that I was only nice and I told him what I said to her on my page and not his. Then he says that it’s a bunch of bulll because she had just told him this and that (was trying to call me a liar). It seemed like he was trying to her side and not mine. But the only reason I said what I said to her was because I didn’t want her to think that my husband was ignoring her and that it was me and not him.My husband also brung up the divorce subject by saying that if I didn’t have a job by the end of spring that we were getting a divorce. But every time we get into a major argument he brings up the divorce subject, But after he called to chew me out he didn’t call me for two days and when he did call me again he said he would let me change his phone number so that she and the other girls wouldn’t be calling and texting him anymore. But he never took the time to let me do it and he stills texts and calls them especially that one woman, The day after Thanksgiving I looked at his recent calls and it said that she called him 30 times just recently and he called her 17 times. What do you think I should do, should I say something to her which would start a world war 3 between us, or should I just keep my eyes and ears open and just let sit back let everything take its course?

Answer #1

Wow … quick question - could you not show him the conversation you had on Facebook with this girl, or is it not logged? Seems to me that would have been the quickest way to put a damper on that problem.

To the point, though … it sounds like he’s looking for reasons to leave. I don’t think there’s anything you’ll be able to do “right” in his eyes. Have you talked to him about marriage counselling? Naturally, you need to focus on trying to save your marriage, but when you’ve tried everything and you’re in the same boat, it may be time to bail. You’re never going to be happy as long as he is placing your marriage on the chopping block … when everything else has failed, don’t you think you deserve better?

Answer #2

I would show him what I told her on facebook but after he chewed me out like he did over her, it pissed me off to the point to where I just deleted my facebook account. Plus, the only reason he wants me to get a job is so that he could quit his and live off of my pay check and support his bad habits in just the way that my brother-in-law is treating his girlffriend now because his girlfriend just got her Social Security Disability and now he’s wanting to quit his job and plus he’s in control of her money and is telling her what she needs to be spending the money on. But I don’t and will not be treated that way. I’ve thought of using black mail on her to make her quit calling and texting my mother but I figured that would make things alot worse and I’m not really the type pof person that likes to pick fights. I’m more of the person who likes to finish it. But there is this deer hunter that I think may like me and I think he’s been flirting with me, but he hasn’t showed any big signs yet. But if he makes it obvious that he wants to have a relationship with me, should I just take up with him instead? I have a question about the deer hunter in my question list that you’re welcome to check out.

Answer #3

I’m wondering, what is your marriage’s rule on seeing people on the side? Is this an open marriage?

Answer #4

Oh no, it’s just a regular marriage and I’ve told him that it’s just supposed to be me and him and nobody else. We also have two kids that don’t live with us either. Our marriage is a complete mess.

Answer #5

I think you should start world war three yet its risky for losing your relationship but just go with your gut

Answer #6

I would have to agree, what you have is neither normal or healthy in a martial or family relationship. I would if your serious, consider marriage counseling as a final option to deciding if there is any real possability of this marriage making it. From what you’ve posted, it sounds neither of you can bridge the gaps gaps without outside professional intervention.

Answer #7

I only have one word for you: DIVORCE. This man is cheating on you. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t had sex with this woman or any of the others. He has cheated on you emotionally and intellectually. The fact that he took her side instead of yours in that little argument is another indication. The marriage is over. Unfortunately, my cousin’s wife just left him for some man she met online. She even left her children with her soon-to-be-ex husband. So, go and see a lawyer so you can find out what your rights are. Then give this bum the “heave ho.” I’m surprised you put up with this situation for as long as you have and that’s not a good thing.

Answer #8

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Answer #9

Forgive him, but walk away if he doesn’t wanna reconcile. Idk the whole story tho so I can’t say. But ima just say if yaw can’t reconcile, leave.

Answer #10

As someone who has had a few friends marriages implode because of this very situation, I symphathise with you but at the same time without knowing other information, would you say that not only do you give him a long leash to roam, but that as time has dragged on instead of reigning him in, you may have allowed this to grow which now threatens your marriage. This may sound that i placing blame on you, but the truth is his actions seem more of a compulsive cheater rather as something that is entirely new. Given what Colleen said up above about trying to repair a marriage that you still feel is worth saving is all good, but what you decribed of his actions towards you and how blatant these kinds of situations keeps happening, inaction or excuses to avoid doing anything about this will only make it more painful and the end result just the same. I wish you luck.

Answer #11

Your husband is a jerk let him be :P I hope you dont have any kids together they will suffer the most leave him alone Divorce him

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