why?is this my destiny?

Noorie, You are a very brave and strong person. People who do not come from your kind of controlling culture cannot understand really understand your situation. You ahve survived a lot of heartache and now you are in Australia, where you can make a new beginning. Your husband is not a bad guy but he is hurting and tormented because he cannot live with the fact he is not your fist man. It is against his whole way of thinking. You need to find a way of being independent. Go and study or try to get some work. This way you will build your confidence and make friends. You will earn some money so that if things are unbearable you can leave. I don’t think this man would really want to lose you. If he realises that his behaviour is hurting so much that you are going to leave, then he will try to change his attitude. His only power now is your guilt. You acnnot change the past and it is not your guilt. You were faithful to your boyfriend. You thought he would marry you. You were betrayed.

I assume you come from a country were they force marrige onto people which is just horribly wrong and then theres the fact that the men and the women too wouldnt know much about sex especially your husband who appears to be clueless he obviously doesnt know that not every woman bleeds during sex and that the hymen has nothing to do with virginnity because its almost always broken long before sex by other things like sports, tampons, masterbating, agressive exerscise, ect also your vagina is supposed to be wet I assume he expected soemthing different than what he thought sex was, or perhaps is refferring to soemone else he slept with and doesnt like that sex with you was different? either way, you really can do a lot better and shouldnt be forced to stay with a man who disrespects you and doesnt treat you right surely you could try talking to some family or friends and ask to stay with them for a while or perhaps get a job or two and start saving for your own place if all else fails why not get soem money and travel to a different country to start a new life there?

yes buddy you are right I m from india where it is culture that girl on her first night must bleed if dont then it is sure that she did sex before her mairrage which is shamefull act or it can be called as sin. but what could I do I didn’t want this type of life. if my lover cheated on me how could I force him to marry me. when I got married I was totally unconcious otherwise I would have visited to doctor to get periods on my first night through medicines. my parents did arrange my mairrage in one day. my whole family was there my in laws were with me. I got that medicine but I couldn’t take it. they didn’t left me alone for a while. and now it will be shamefull act for both of us if we break this relationship. our family status and respect in society will be lost and both families will start to hate each others if this happens then no one will respect us and we have to face too many difficulties in mairrages of my other sisiters and brothers.

Dont take tension TY.I m habtual of this. its been one year. I m living in same conditions. the only therapist which I should care of is the time. Time will correct everything.

My head hurts. Consider talking to a therapist. If you make one proactive move in your life, seriously consider talking to a therapist.

Lol jaz, she’s in Australia. I dont think they force people to get married there. Uhm first of all, you’re not a virgin. If that is what he expected, and no one contradicted him, well he has a right to be upset.

Now, for the destiny part. You ALLOWED your ex-boyfriend to treat you that way. You also ALLOWED your parents to arrange a marriage. And you ALLOW your husband to trat you disrespectfully. Things do not happen to you. You always a choice. Start making different choices. Stand up to your husband. Find a job. Save some money. And leave.