What do you think of this piece?

this is another writing piece :D (btw its a little story that I'm making)
please tell me what you think ^^
thanks for reading (: its pretty long by the wayy :P

First Come, First Serve:

Why didn't he tell me?! Why didn't he tell me that she was coming here! "Why the h*ll didn't you tell me that she was coming to this school!?" I screamed at him, I'm pretty p*ss right now. "I didn't know she was gonna attend to this school. I thought she would have gone somewhere else." That’s exactly what he said. Oh God, here she comes. "Oh, hi there. My name is Emily, Nick's girlfriend. And you are?" who the h*ll is she, I already hate her. "Hey, name's Schyler, Nick's friend." I responded back. I didn't want her to hear that I was p*ssed. "Nick, honey. Walk me to my next class, please?" she asked sweetly. Oh, now she's p*ssing me off. "Kay. Cya later Sky." and then he left with his ‘new’ girlfriend. From the distance I can see that they were making out. I feel like puking. I'll just go visit Chris.

When I reached Chris, I hugged him and started to cry in his shirt. I didn't know why I was crying in the first place. "What's wrong Sky?" he asked worried. He's too sweet; I don't know what I would do without him. "Nothing, just wanted to cry, I guess." I said leaving from his embrace. He frowned. "There's got to be something, because you wouldn't just randomly cry on someone." "It's nothing really. Sorry if I bothered you." I started walking away, until he pulled me back into another hug. "You got to tell me. You know that you mean a lot tome." he said still holding on to me. Why the hell did I have to be in love with him, why couldn't I have loved Chris? I start crying again. "It’s...*hick*...all his...*hick*...fault!" I cried. I haven’t cried this much since my big brother destroyed my sand castle. He spins me around and placed my head onto his chest. Stroking my head while saying "Who's fault is it, Sky? Who would make you cry this much?" I couldn't say anything at first, but it came out of my mouth pretty good. "Chris. It’s his fault. He wasn't supposed to bring her." He pulled me away and made me look at him in the eyes. I could see his eyebrow move up. "Chris? Do you like him?" I turn my face; I didn't want him to see the blush on my face. I could feel it burning my cheeks.

He put me in a tight hug. "Forget about him, Sky. He isn't worth your time" then he bent down and kissed my lips. I was shocked at first, but then I accepted the kiss. His lips are softer than I thought they would be. "Forget him..." he whispered and captured another kiss. This time it was more passionate than the other one.

"You're a pretty good kisser you know." I said with a huge grin on my face. "Oh, really?" he responded with a smile. He bent over and placed soft pecks on her cheek. "I got to go to class now, Sky. Cya later?" he said, I could hear the hurt in his voice. "Yeah, see you later then Chris." I went on my tip-toes and gave him another soft kiss on the lips. When I returned to the ground, I saw a huge smile on his face. "Cya." and he left. I'm guessing he has gym first, so that means I have art. Wait, if he has gym, then Nick got gym too! Crap, please let Nick be okay. Please.

It’s my final period of the day and I asked my teacher if I could go to washroom. I hope nothing bad happened to him. I walk towards the gym and see Nick and Chris with black eyes. I rushed to them. "What the hell happened!?" I yelled, touching Chris' face first than Nick's swollen eye. "We were playing rugby; he tackled me and then punched me." Nick said, covering his eye. I glanced at Chris and gave him a dirty look. "Why did you do that Chris?! You could have gotten suspended." I couldn't stay mad at him for long though. "I did it, 'cause of what happened earlier." Chris said moving his hand to caress my cheek. See I can't be mad at him for long. "What the hell happened between you two?" Nick asked. Why does he want to know? He has nothing to do with me anymore.

"Nothing that you need to know, Nick." Chris answered before I could counter. He stood up and said "Let me take you back to class, Sky."

1 answers

Recent Questions Art, Writing & Literature  Add Answer


ANSWER #1 of 1

You need quotation marks, and every time somebody speaks, you make a new paragraph, you need a lot of editing. Other than editing, it's nice.


Add your answer to this list


SIMILAR QUESTIONS