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I know it sucks. You don't have to tell me, lol. But it's pretty much the first poem I've written (well, as a "spare time" kind of thing, at least). I was just wondering what you thought of it, and feel free to give suggestions. (It has no title... yet).
Thanks!
I can't believe you're still not here And never again will I have you near This emptiness I've come to know Seems to only want to grow
I must learn to face the world alone And figure things out on my own The world is such a scary place When you're not here to help me face it
You're not hear to wipe my tears Or to help me face my fears You were always there right by my side And in you I could confide
I don't know why you went this way I miss you more with every day I did my best, I know it's true But you were all I ever knew
Now I must start my life anew With no one to tell me "I love you" I know you would want me to try To live my life, and not to cry
And so I long to be like you Because of all that you could do But if I fail, I will stay calm And I'll think of you, the world's best mom
Wow, I'm surprised people liked it! haha. Thanks for all of the positive comments! :)
And underwaterophella, thanks for the suggestion. I didn't really like some of the words I chose either, but they kind of fit somehow? haha. But yeah, like I said, it's my first one. I'll definitely keep that in mind for when I write more though!
Thanks so much!
The meter and rhyme are pretty solid, but your choice of words is something pedestrian, and it's definitely cliche.
Keep up the writing, and you can only improve! Remember, it helps to read lots of poetry, too. My favorite poets are Edna St. Vincent Millay, E. E. Cummings, and Yeats.
I think that you did a wonderful job on this poem, ciaobella. I can sort of relate to this, as these are the feelings I've been experiencing since the passing of someone near and dear to me.
Great job, keep writing.
Awee. I loved it. keep on writing you are really good :)
I think it's great, (:
