What do I do? My 16 year old son wants to live with his dad?

My son and I have a great relationship. But my son is wondering what it would be like to live with his dad. I gave up child support and “excused” it away in court for 11 years. he’s only been paying my for 4 years. the rest was “forgiven” now he’s bribing my son to live with him. and eek.. Will I end up paying child support? I don’t want to lose my sone either!! my son doesn’t see that he’s being bribed and I don’t want to tell him because it will make him hate me. he just thinks it’s a bit unfair that I’m not buying him a motorcycle without him having a job. my rule was he needs to get a job and buy his own motorcycle. I already gave him a car. he’s in drivers ed. he has his motorcycles license. anyway… he feels like he shouldn’t be in this position to have to choose. And he’d like to see what it feels like to live and go to school over there… Yet there are a lot of reasons “not” to leave too. he doesnt’ know what to do. and neither do I. I’m afraid if I help him go… He may love it over there and never return except for visits. I also don’t want to pay child support to some loser that didn’t pay me for 11 years (but I was stupid enough to forgive and write off the debt)… Won’t that have him laughing to not only not have to pay again… But me pay him!!! that just chaps my hide! help??

Answer #1

He is 16, and from the sounds of things dosen’t know his father very well. Hes just looking for a way to live somewhere and have less rules. He probably feels as though if he lives with his dad he will be able to go to parties all the time and have 100 girlfriends at once.

I doubt it has anything to do with you personally, He loves you otherwise he wouldn’t care about trying to have a relationship with you; and since you said you guys have a great relationship that means he probably dosent want to hurt you by partying etc. He just needs to get it out of his system.

What sort of a kid is he??

I feel very sorry for you to have to go through this. As the mother, you could just put your foot down and say no. He will probably be angry at you and do the whole teenagers-door-slamming-tantrum thing. But that will cool off. Or you could let him go, it would actually probably do him some good to be with his father. Does his father have a wife or girlfriend? If he has a wife or a solid girlfriend then you don’t need to worry as much. It will be more of a mature living situation. If your husband lives alone (or with roomies etc) then you should consider his maturity before letting your son live there. Is he a responsible parent? Will he know where your son is all the time? Or will he just let him party it up?

You know both your son and his father better than me, so you know their personalities, you should think about how responsible they are. Can they be trusted??

Also maybe ask your son why he wants to go, he might just want to spend time with his father, in which case you could organize a holiday for him to see him.

Good luck with everything.

Answer #2

I think that if you rich enough to buy him a motorcycle and a car and not need child support then you got life good and you shouldnt be compianing and if you really love your son let him go man and mabey hell come back

Answer #3

STOP! You are a strong woman who has held up her own ever since you have divored that good for nothing man!!! YOU anre the PARENT NOT your CHILD!!! You have to give it to him straight! tell him the truth of the situation and stop caring so much about his feelings. Yes he needs to get a JOB before a motercycle JUST AS YOU SAID. My parents divored when I was a baby, and I KNOW that I would be a messed up child if I wasn’t raised by my mother. YOU are the mother and YOU know what is right for your child. But the best you can do is give him advice. It is ultimatly up to him to make the dicision. OH! and don’t be soft on your ex, because he sure as hell won’t be soft on you from the looks of it. GOOD LUCK!!! :))

Answer #4

“He may love it over there and never return except for visits.”

Why would you want to get in the way of his happiness? Thats selfish AND he can make his on decisions anyhow. Plus his dads buying him a motercycle so wont he need the child support after that anyhow? Maybe if you bought your son a motercycle and you really needed the support than your ex would pay? Anyhow why should he have to pay?

Answer #5

well im 15. if I were your son I would probably feel better knowing you cared by talking to me about it. discuss things maybe in the summer[s] he sees you or vice versa? this way if he doesnt like his father, he doesnt have to perminantly stay. I dont really know how much help that was but thats what I think would be best thats what I would do.

Answer #6

I am a mother of 2 stepsons. we are in a custody battle with the mother. Everything in this relationship has to be neutral. Child support has nothing to do with the child. He is 16 and is considered an emancipated minor. Which means if you went to court the judge would ask him questions regarding where he wanted to live and why. I honestly dont think its just about an motorcycle but curiousity of what it would be like to live with the other parent. At his age they need their fathers for guidance that a mother cannot give. My 16yr old stepson wants to live with us because he is learning from his father in ways that he needs too. You have to remember he is going through tons of changes which a mother cannot understand. So if he wants to live with his father, its nothing against you its something he probably wants to understand from a male point of view. They also push limits and try do new things with their friends, but like in my case he listens to his father regarding rules. So maybe really think about what is in the best interest of him, and not put any personal feelings in the way

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