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Is it healthy to hold it in...?

I want to say lots of things all the time when my family annoys me. I’ll speak loudly if it’s a family member that I’m close to, but most of my family hasn’t seen me in over six years. So whenever they urk me or cop an attitude I don’t know how to react. I was raised in a family that was kind and considerate of one another. But the house that I reside in now is much more crule and snappy and moody than where I come from. I don’t like drama and I hate conflict. They snap at me all the time, I don’t really say much back, unless it’s an absolutely rude remark, But sometimes I get upset enough to want to damage them. I don’t like holding my tongue, but I use to have complete and utter rage problems; so now these people are testing my patience. And the people I live with indulge in drama, so the moment I speak up they’ll see it as an oppertunity to cause an arguement. When they go on and on saying rude things I ignore it, I usually let them argue with themselves, and the moment I retort anything they’ll get louder and madder even if they have no valid point at all. Is this healthy that I don’t voice my opinion?

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Answer #1

In the West, it’s common advice that you should give vent to your emotions, not bottle things up, etc.

But in most cultures of the East, that’s not the norm. Children are taught to be considerate of other people and not think of themselves first - ok, that’s understandable to all of us. But there is also a very deep-rooted norm that you should avoid drama and emotional outbursts around other people. That being angry never helps, whereas standing back and trying to look at things more objectively often does.

Sure, you might be able to win a point now and then by arguing. But will it change things in the long run?

As for it being healthy or not, the jury’s still out on that one - but I lived in Nepal for 15 years and have never been among such well-adjusted, harmonious and happy people as there.

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