How can I get my teenage daughter to understand me?

You know, I talk to my teens about this all the time. I dont believe in laziness. I believe in depression, lack of motivation, poor study habits, being easily distracted, fear of success, poor self-efficacy, but I dont believe in laziness. Because for one thing, how do you cure laziness? There’s just nothing you can do about it. And you’re also just making it a personality flaw. They’re doing poorly because of who they are. Again, how do you cure that? So, why not figure out WHY she’s not doing her work. And start there. If working at the root isnt helping, then start at the top. I assume there are things she wants? Well, for every good report card, reward her. Perhaps you should get more involved in her school work and home work. I mean dont become overbearing, but just take a greater interest. And listen, it’s not that she doesnt understand you. She’s not stupid. You’re not talking to a wall. She’s heard you. Continually lecturing her is not going to get you anywhere.

I’ll give you an example of one of my kids. She failed out an entire year because she was depressed and wasnt doing her work. Parents solution was to ship her out. Of course that didnt help. So, yeah, I worked on the not being late to class and the not skipping, but I mostly worked on the depression. Every single one of her grades has gone up, she’s on time to class, doesnt skip as much, and she’s doing well. Her parents were focusing on the wrong thing… Thus just pushing her further and further away from their goal of good grades.

And dont assume things. I managed to get the highest grades in my class. I had a 3.84 gpa in college, and I have a 4.0 in grad school. All the while under severe depression. If she’s not meeting up to expectations, you want to figure out why. It could be an interpersonal issue (problems with friends or dating relationships), it could be that she’s having self esteem issues or other personal issues, or maybe she’s just bored and not motivated. Either way, figure out the underlying issue and work with that.