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Need some feedback so her goes…She wants time to heal since I did put her through hell. She really tried mant times and was there for me. She said If become myself again she’ll take me back. We were texting and emailing but she didn’t want to talk on the phone. She works fulltime and goes to school fulltime and said she can’t go through the pain and drama right now. I am working on myself. Now I stopped even texting her because she would’nt even respond. She actually hung up on me when I called all because I called her in a drunken stupor and also sent a very nasty email. She said she thinks about me but still remembers the bad. I am going through hell right now also because I’ve had 3 surgeries for a broken jaw all within about 2 months. I now have no wires keeping my mouth closed and still not able to open more than 1 inch. Still drinking Ensure asnd have lost 40 lbs. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I hurt so much that sometimes I feel I’m going nuts. I can handle all this physical pain I’ve been through, but it’s the emotional part I have a lot of trouble with. I have done this all alone, meaning the surgeries. Mother helped some. I am looking for the strength to get through all of this. Still hurt physically and mentally. I don’t feel sorry for myself just very very lonely and in sooo much pain. I’m a man. should I be feeling like this?A man that crys. I miss her so much that I’m tearing up right now as typing. I didn’t know where else turn to and I found this sight At least it feels a little better telling you this. Like therapy I guess. I hope at least one person responds to this so I can get a little feedback. I know the problem is just the drugs and alcohol. They destroy everything you have and love! Very tired David

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Answer #1

Hi,

Thank you for asking me this question, you picked a great person to talk to, as I myself and a recovering drug addict who has been sober for 2 years now.

I know all to well everything you are talking about. The problem with getting sober, is that you have to know face all the pain and trouble you caused while you were using. You want to better your life and look forward, but the people you hurt can’t just forget everything you have done to them.

Congrats on going to AA (do you also go to an NA around your area), those meetings saved my life and the people are amazing. You will learn in the 12 steps that one of them is to make Amends. You have to make amends to the people you have hurt, not only for them, but so you can move on also. You have to realize though, that they do not have to accept your amends, and if they choose not to forgive you, you must just move on and accept that you have apologized and it was all you could do.

It’s hard to be in a relationship when you are coming clean, I started getting sober in my relationship I am in now. I’m not going to lie to you, we still have problems when it comes to my past because I did so much wrong to him and hurt him so much with my drug use. You have to focus on yourself right now though, if she loves you, she will wait for you and be there in the end. If she doesn’t, then it’s better you find out now and be strong and move on. Life goes on my friend, trust me.

Continue going to your meetings, and funmail me if you ever need to talk. Things will look up as you continue down your road to sobriety. 3-4 years ago, I was homeless, stealing, using all day every day, etc. Now, I’m engaged, I’m sober, I have a wonderful son, a house, and a car and a good life. Things work out when you put forth the effort to change your life.

Good luck!

Answer #2

Ditto to fithappens…Now it’s time to work yourself…all other things, including relationships go to the back burner. Having been thru getting clean and sober myself, I can tell you…you don’t have time for other things…yet. But they will come, better than ever before…

Also, ditto…the programs work, if you work them…Think of them as an experiment…90 days invested isn’t any time at all, and just see if things don’t get better…I figured I could go out and use anytime, so why not devote 90 days to seeing if maybe somebody else knew more than I did…THEY DID!! That was in 1987, and I’ve never gone back to using.

p

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