Would my mother be better off without me?

I think you’re old enough now that you’re realizing how human your mom is. She’s a flawed person with faults like everyone else. I recommend you first obtain your financial indepenence: more specifically, investigate your options for moving out. You are an adult, so you need to get educated in how much rent would cost, how much food is. Even if you don’t move out, go learn all the facts about moving out.

The next step is to establish some boundaries. I always make people get specific with me, but in a nice way. Like, “How about if all the chores are done by 2pm. Is that early enough? If not, what time? Noon?” If she doesn’t pick a time, say “Then I will assume that 2pm is fine until I hear otherwise.”

Also, make requests that she let you know about all the chores by 5pm the day before. If she comes to you at 10am and says, “I need this done now,” then you should say calmly and firmly, “I will not do that” or “I will do that tomorrow by 2pm.”

If you let her walk all over you, you will eventually blow up! And suddenly she won’t have a clue why. Also, nothing will make someone stop and think like plain, flat honesty. I’ve brought someone to tears by looking them straight in the eye with a clear face and honestly said, “When you say that, I feel like crying.” And then walking away. It works.

Go check out my profile to get on my newsletter. Good luck!

You sound just fine to me. Staying up late and sleeping in does not make you lazy. People have different sleep patterns, and that’s ok. That’s great that you are going to college and looking for a job. You certainly don’t sound like a failure to me.

Maybe it’s just an empty threat about the moving in your grandmother thing. When I was a kid, my father used to threaten to “go hug the neighbor kid” when I didn’t want to give him a hug. :) When I got a little older and didn’t clean my room, he would threaten to bag up all of my stuff and put it out to the curb. He never did either of those things, but sometimes parents make those kinds of threats. In my father’s case, it was just talk, pretty much a joke.

I suggest sitting your mother down and talking to her. Tell her that sometimes she hurts your feelings and you aren’t really sure what she wants. Ask her if she really wants you to move out.

oh i forgot to add that now my mom has decided that i need a bedtime..11:30 with no tv or computer..and i have to get up by 8..and shes even going to leave a list of chores for me to do