I would like to call my mother, I'm afraid too, what to expect?

I would like to call my mother I’m afraid too what to expect? Well, Since I’ve had a rough life growing up, and I have a PPO against my father, I would like to call my mother but, I’m afraid too since she’s been hostile toward me, and, verbally abuesive. I’m afraid to call her for I know I’d go right back to thinking about comitting suicide since that brings back memories from when I was a teenager. I don’t want this to affect my counseling sessions that’s taking place through my church. I feel I need to talk to my mother and try to make ammends with her since I miss hearing her voice. What would your opinions be on this? All my family rejects me since they’ve called me names such as retarded, stupid, and, mentally chalenged. I do have a disability which is a visual impairment. I’ve been blind since birth. These are my adopted parents since I came from China to the U.S. I don’t know what to think since In a way, I still love my family but, I have doubts that they’ll change. I’m going through counseling right now to clear this up to learn to forgive them. I don’t want to tell anyone else for that matter since I need extra support. I know my family hates Mormons since I’m the only member of the Mormon faith. I consider the church like family since they’ve been there for me. The church cares for me and, they don’t want to see me hurt by my family again. I’m afraid though to tell my Branch President of the LDS church since he’s a busy man. Anyway, I went over. If you could give me some feedback as to what to do since I would like to call my mother without speaking to my father since the PPO doesn’t allow that.