What)Should I leave this part off? Add on? What do you think?

PLEASE FULLY READ BEFORE ANSWERING I’m looking for constructive criticism, ideas, and opinions. Kind of unfinished. Still in a bit of a raw state.

The topic I was given was “miles of smiles” This is how I interpreted it=>

Walking down miles of twisted smiles bare feet cutting myself on jagged teeth I’m sure you’re happy to see me fall again and again for you my darling -x-x-x- Haunted by your snarling And cruel snickering While I’m tinkering away Trying to figure the road to take You’re cruel face Haunting

Thinking I should leave out the second stanza and make the second stanza into a different poem completely, leaving the first stanza as is. Any ideas, opinions?

(COPY RIGHT PROTECTED!!!)

Answer #1

Well, it IS the INCOMPLETE version. I thought I had already made that obvious through the post. I’ve already posted the complete version on my deviant, one. Two, my poems are never meant to be obvious or up front about their meaning, however, I would imagine this one would be in comparison to a lot of my other work. You’ve not asked me to use MY work. I ask that you DO NOT use MY work in your poem in your book. I will peruse a law suit to protect my work if necessary, though I hope, and ask, you do not make me take those actions.

Answer #2

copy right protected? are you serious? LOL

my opinion: after “me fall again and again”, it didnt make sense.

nevertheless I published this poem with my publishing company and they said they will gladly include it in my upcoming book. thanks buddy!

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