Unfit mother?

My boyfriend and I are taking his ex to court for custody of their 3 year old (when I say I, I mean I’m just there for moral support, really), partially because we believe the mother is unfit, and partially because we want to legally be able to see the child (the mother rarely lets him see the child, and never lets him take her out).

I believe his ex is an unfit mother for a few reasons. First off, the mother is disabled. I know that’s not grounds to say she’s unfit, but the list goes on. My boyfriend has told me that on some occasions when he has gone over there to see his daughter, she has been absolutely FILTHY. I can understand that it would be difficult for the mother to do things that every mother must do (like bathing), but if it’s that difficult, she shouldn’t have had a child.

Also, about a month and a half to two months ago, the mother forgot to lock the door, and the child got out! She (the mother) had to call the police and tell them she couldn’t find her child. It turned out that a tenant at the apartment where they live had taken the daughter in, but all I can say is it’s a damn good thing that person wasn’t a child molester or a killer! You never know these days.

Then there’s the issue of the mother’s mental health. There has been at least one time that my boyfriend knows of (it happened when they were together) where the mother was institutionalized for trying to commit suicide. About three months ago, she told us she had been institutionalized again for about two days, but she lies incessantly, so I’m not sure if that’s true or not. The lying can be backed up because she has been expelled from 2 colleges for plagiarism (yes, plagiarism both times!) and falsifying medical documents.

I was just wondering if anyone has any tips of how my boyfriend and I can prove these things in court, prove that she’s an unfit mother, because I can’t stand the thought of that child being in that household anymore! Thanks.

Answer #1

So what if she cant walk, doesn’t mean shes not allowed to have a child, theres lots of fit mothers out there in wheelchairs and such, still giving their child what they need. As long as the child is getting proper care than it really doesn’t matter. If all of the care isn’t by her its no big deal.

Answer #2

other than opinions, get the hospital paperwork. get the apartment tenant to prove that she was with him/her while the child left the door. and if possible, get pictures of the child when she/he is filthy.

you need proof. paperwork, pictures, everything. and hire an AMAZING lawyer.

Answer #3

Thanks for your support. We’ve hired a lawyer and I’m hoping she’s as good as she seems.

Answer #4

the mother is disabled If her disability was a problem she would have had the child taken away from her right away. The doctors and all those people look through a womans medical history and all that when she is having a baby to make sure the mother is able and all that. The baby is 3-years-old which tells me her health is most likely stable enough for her to have a child, if not she would have been stopped by now.

she has been absolutely FILTHY She’s 3-years-old… think about it. Kids love to be messy and you cant expect to walk in and the baby be completely clean all of the time. The baby is going to be messy at times so you cant really hold that against her.

about a month and a half to two months ago, the mother forgot to lock the door, and the child got out! This isn’t going to make the court completely take the child away from her mother. There are cases all of the time where kids are sneaking away from their parents, it happens. Yeah bad things could have happened but… they didn’t. So thats that.

mother was institutionalized for trying to commit suicide Since she was in the institution the court probley wont do much about this because they will just be all “she got help and hasn’t been institutionalized since” so shes okay with the child in her care. Talking about suicide isn’t going to do much either because lots of mothers get in states where they just want to give up because babies are stressful and thats completely normal to think about when raising a child.

she has been expelled from 2 colleges for plagiarism That wont do much for him in the court because its not really harming the child so they will just probley push that fact away. It just simply shows that she is a liar, but being a liar doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have a child in your care. There are tons and tons of liars in this world that have kids, its unfortunate that people choose this route but theres not much you can do about it.

… courts are really picky. I’ve watched someone go through this same thing and no matter your proof the court often believes the mother so its hard for a father to go through this with so little proof that this child is at risk. I can tell you right now they aren’t going to give your boyfriend full custody, theres just no way. They will probley give him half but not any more than that. And once that happens you probley wont be satisfied so your boyfriend is going to have to start writing everything down on paper in detail (dates, times, etc.) of what happens so he may be able to fight for full custody in the future depending on what she does and his proof. You need sooo much proof in order to get full custody, like its crazy how much you need. You need like pictures, documents, references, paper work from places, etc. If the court personally catches her in a numerous lies to THEM and notices the things shes doing are consistent then your boyfriend may have better luck in the future… as for now, don’t expect much because you will be disappointed.

Answer #5

You are not thinking about the childs best interest. I very much doubt by the way you speak that you have any children of your own. I think your boyfriend complains about his ex out of irratents like all do and you are taking it to serousely because you are immature. You need to grow up and mind your own buissness.

Answer #6

tell your boyfriend to always take a camera with him that way he can take pictures of his kid in her dirty house.

Answer #7

Simply a Rose to brighten your day,         And maybe lessen the cares in your way;         And also, too, to help you to know,         That in knowing you, many others grow!

  Welcome to Fun Advice!

  I agree with Stephanie.

Besides, I think a daughter’s place is with her mother if reasonably possible. This child has bonded well with her mother and I think it might be a travesty to the child to take her away from her mother unless there is real danger to her health.

Answer #8

I never said she’s not allowed to have a child, but why should she be able to have primary custody of a child who she doesn’t take care of? She can do plenty of things from her wheelchair, I know this, but what I’m getting at is she CHOOSES NOT TO. Heck, she hardly even sees the child because it’s in daycare until 6 p.m. because of the incident where she got out (which by the way, her parents did because THEY said that she’s unfit as a mother).

None of the care is by the mother, it’s all done by someone else. So why shouldn’t the child be taken care of by the father? From the beginning he’s the one that fed the child (she chose not to breastfeed), he clothed her, he changed her diaper, he played with her. I’m not seeing the mother taking any initiative here, so why shouldn’t the child be with the parent she has already bonded with?

Oh and also, she’s also constantly having guys moving in and out of her house (I know of 3 in the last 6 months), so how does that affect the child?

Answer #9

Hi, I knw you are there for morally support for your boyfirend but I would be careful just in case this lady has found out something in your past that you aren’t proud of (if there is nefing). My brother in law had the same siutation a few years ago and the mother in question claimed that he had hit her and beat her up when in fact he hadn’t (I woulda given her a slap if it was me but hey) she was a total nutter and metally unstable. But the point am trying to get at is that in court the mother stood up and started to explain that she feared for her daughters life if she were to live with my brother in law and his new girlfriend, who was heavally pregnant at the time, as the girlfriend had come from a foster back round and she had copies from the police station of her record (all of the things on the record were minor offences when she was a kid) The court ruled in the mother favour as the girlfriend had a “criminal record” and was found to be unsafe round the daughter. By the way this is all coming froma woman who has been admitted into hospital on servral occasions for drug over doses and has also got a criminal record herself for prostitution and assult!!

If I were you I woudl try and take a back seat in all of this, I know you want to be there for your bloke and I completly understand that and am glad that you ave the guts to help him fite for his kid (many people wouldn’t) but at the end of the day the court is only interested in the child and who could look after it best, if you and your man have a house and both ave jobs state that in court and make it clear that you have put in place measure to insure a warm an loving environment for the child even open a savings account for her. an make sure to mention to your man that he says this “all I want is for my child to have the best start in life, an I believe that I could give her the best start if given the chance. My main concern is for my child and this is not about scoring points against my ex-partner its about my flesh and blood.”

hope this helps

sori for going on a bit

Good luck to you and your fella

luv Magz9191

Answer #10

Thanks ethmer, for the welcome :)

Her mother can’t walk because of a neurological disorder that’s steadily getting worse, and all the care that is given to the child is not done by her. I’m not saying I want to kick her out of the child’s life altogether, I just think she can’t possibly adequately take care of her daughter. What happens when the child is older? I’m not going to lie: I don’t like the mother at all, she’s never been anything but utterly horrible to me. But I really am thinking of the child’s best interests. The mother’s home is unstable and I don’t think it’s the right place for a 3 year old. But hey, I guess we’ll see what happens…

Answer #11

Well, this does sound like the mother of your boyfriend’s child is certainly unfit. Since she has a disability, and, she’s in a wheelchair, it must be hard for her to take care of her child which it sounds like. Bring documents with you to court to prove all that you stated in your question, and, see what they can do. In my opinion, the child should be with you and your boyfriend since I wouldn’t want a child of mine to be with someone that’s mentaly chalenged and has a disability worse then mine. I’m visually impaired and been blind since birth but, that doesn’t mean that I can’t take care of kids. In fact, one of my good friends who is totally blind herself, is pregnant and, she’s taken care of kids before. I’m not trying to knock those people who are worse then me but, this lady sounds sicco!! Hire a good loyer and, good luck trying to get custity. God bless.

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