Tempted to have an affair

I am tempted to have an affair with a coworker. I have been married almost 16 years, The last 4 have basically been hell and I am considering seperation and/or divorce. My marriage has been pretty much sexless for the last 4 years, the desire is there but my wife keeps making painful comments toward me and I lose interest. My coworker is also married and is of the opinion that her husband wouldn’t mind her fooling around as long as it didn’t get too serious(no penetrative sex). Adding to the complication is that her husband is a good friend of mine. I am really mixed up right now.

Answer #1

Sex comes pretty high up on the list of ‘primal needs’. Although humans can ‘rise above this’ by exercising intellectual control, for the majority of us (men and women), life is unfulfilling without sex. Add to this the stress and cost and drudgery of modern life, and it’s difficult to see why married couples and live-in partners don’t have sex every day. After all, it’s the only FREE pleasureable ‘vice’ that we have available to us, and it’s not even unhealthy. A couple agreeing to marriage or a similar monogomous relationship are basically agreeing to entrust the responsibility for this basic human need to one person alone - their partner. It is therefore a breach of trust if one partner refuses to fulfil or plays ‘power games’ with this need. If you were to agree that your partner was the only person who could feed you, and they let you go hungry, would anyone blame you for breaking the agreement and eating elsewhere, especially if you warned your partner about it in advance? My view is that you shouldn’t put up with this, but I suggest before you do anything, you should try to talk one more time (verbal warning), if not successful write a letter (written warning). If at this point your partner continues to be too selfish to consider your needs and still doesn’t want to attempt to resolve the situation, then how can anyone blame you for getting it elsewhere?

Answer #2

If you are considering seperation/divorce and want to have an affair then end your marriage 1st then sleep with whoever you want. If your not willing to work on your marriage, or go to marriage counselling with your husband to fix things then just leave him so your free to do wat eva you want to.

Answer #3

An afair with a good friends wife? I got into that once. It almost ruined two marriages and families. My wife and I were both glad that we steped away from it and rebuilt our marriage. I would suggest you save the hardship and just turn and run. N O W Good luck brother Gino

Answer #4

Well, I’’m not going to tell you whether or not to have an affair. I’ve grown tired of this topic, no offense.

I will tell you this though. If you ARE going to hve an affair. Don’t do it with a “good friend’s” wife!

Answer #5

If this lady also goes for sex with you, do not hesitate but do it. That lady may be in the same situtation in her marriage than you are in yours. Think that, and that is close to the truth, you help your friend by satisfying his wife, because after a good sex you and your friend’s wife will go home as a calmed down spouse.

Answer #6

don’t do it, that’s terrible. especially if he’s a friend of yours, that shouldn’t even be an option! I;m sorry, but you should be ashamed of your self for even thinking that! he is your FRIEND! You’re a grown man, you’re not in highschool or college anymore where this MIGHT be excusable… get separated with your wife if it’s that bad…or maybe you guys just lost touch. I don’t know what sorts of problems you guys are having, but my current realtionship had some MAJOR problems. like, very severe problems with both of us, but we were willing to fix them at any cost because we’re still terribly in love with eachother. it took three years to get to a “better” place than we were, a good relationship councelor that we went to for a couple of months. he really helped because he gave us the tools to be able to stand back during a fight and really listen to eachother and see things from a more mature prespective instead of letting our emotions talk, he also helped us get over some issues we WOULD NEVER be able to speak about and come to an understanding about had we been doing so alone. we only went tfor 3 or 4 months. and it’s really done wonders. he’s also going to stress management groups, and individual counceling to resolve some issues with himself. peiple will help you, but you have to USE those tools to really work on saving this relationship with this woman that you once would have done anything for. get your selves together! Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and , y’know, in some cultures, a chicken…and compromise, and compassion. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something. This is what I belive and I will always stand for it.

Answer #7

PLEASE READ! I believe my previous post accidently cut short. Like I was saying, I cheated on my husband and I can tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Where is our restraint? and when did we begin believing that it was up to our spouse to make our life exciting? This is a partnership that is fueled by love, admiration and respect for each other. Do you remember when you and your husband were first dating? Remember the lust, attraction, excitement. It would be only natural that those superficial emotions would eventually fade away and be replaced with something stronger and more enriching. In every marriage, the lust subsides. Why would you disrespect your husband, disrespect your children and yourself for the sake of recapturing something that you and your husband once had? I contemplated this for months and did research and read forums warning me of how STUPID it is to have an affair. The result? I did it anyway. I can begin to tell you how painful it is for me to look in my adoring husband’s eyes and tell him he’s the only man that captures my heart, my mind and my body. I told him about the affair shortly after it occured. Ladies, did we expect marriage to be an unwithering circle of hot steamy sex and roses? What the hell? I don’t know how I fell for such a lie. Marriage is powerful. You dedicate yourselves to each other to help each one become a better version of themselves. You create a new generation and partner up together in raising helpful, decent citizens and human beings. What power that is! The problem is that we have this fake, superficial idea of what is supposed to make us feel ALIVE. HOT sex in the car, feeling DESIRED by some man other than YOUR man. Thanks to television and in my opinion (Satan), we are fed lies in order to bring us to the edge and destroy what is the very foundation of this country: strong marriages and strong families. And we are led believe that we’re not hurting anyone…it’s something we NEED to do for ourselves. If you respect your husband, your marriage, your kids and yourself, you will GET UP and get the HELP you need. I wish I would’ve done that instead of being afraid to ask for help. I fell into the monsters pit and there’s not ONE day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I don’t have the perfect husband, and I am not the perfect wife. But we TALK a lot now and we’ve identified each others needs. Mine are the need for affection and sexual fullfillment, conversation, recreational companionship. His are the need to feel admired and respected by me. Every person has needs that their spouse is ABLE to fullfill for them. It begins with communicating those needs DIRECTLY and making a COMMITMENT to fullfill them for your spouse. That’s how you know you love them. If you are willing and working towards meeting your spouses needs, even when it requires some sacrifice on your part. The lust and the need to feel DESIRED? Give me a break. The affair will bring you that for a short while. INFATUATION IS SHORT! Don’t you know this already? Remember the dating days with hubby? It is bound to wear off and will either be replaced with true love and commitment or a tiring of the person. Before you know it, you will be running off to find the next affair and hurting everyone you love. Rekindling the fire with your spouse is possible, but it takes commitment. There’s nothing sexier than having sex with the person you will grow old with. Every time is a renewal of your vows and a renewal of your commitment to build a strong family. Get creative and get professional help. If you’re still not willing, then it’s not possible that you love your husband…it just isn’t. In that case, a separation is best for you, for him, and yes, for your children. ANYONE READING THIS, please don’t make the mistake I did, and if you’re in an affair already, CONFESS to your husband, and both of you GO get good counseling. Marriage today is under attack. Either you can stand strong and save yours or you can listen to foolishness and regret. I wish I made the right choice. I guess I feel like maybe if I write this, I can help some women make the right choice and it will help me heal. Please, if you can do anything after this, separate lies from truth in your mind. Look at your wedding pictures and remember the days of infatuation with your love. Fortunately, those days have become a beautiful marriage with limitless potential and not just ‘another fling.’ Here is a website that has been extremely helpful in dealing with affairs and their affects as well as helping you understand your marriage and your spouse so that you can AVOID an affair. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html They deal with EVERYTHING regarding affairs, including emotional needs (which seems to be why most women are having affairs), sexual desire with your spouse, ending affairs, etc. READ all you can! There are tons of articles about this, and I believe it’s the first step, then you should go get a counseler/coach to hold you accountable and help you both save your marriage.

More Like This


Sex education, Intimacy, Relationship advice

Ask an advisor one-on-one!

Life Affair

Online Dating, Casual Sex, Hookup Apps