Ok I've had this thing going on between me and my mum bt I never thought it as a problem, but I got thinking, why am I afraid to tell anything to my mum, that the fact that I came out of her...
It's been so hard for me to share anything with my mum, because when I was abwt 3 we got poor and my mum had loads of loans that she couldnt pay off, so when I was about 4-5 years old my mum left, to go to abroad and find work for the family, because I av 4 brothers and 1 sister and im the youngest one in the family and that count as 6 over all children. Me and my mum always had an arguement since I can remember and before she was leaving I was soo happy that I don't av to cry and feel unloved anymore by my own mum, but I was wrong... few days after she left I missed her a lot and I cried myself to sleep all nite, just wanting to be with her and just wishing I could have told her I love her before she left, because I was still moody at her when she was saying bye and huggin every1 and when she came to kiss me goodbye I just ignored her and didnt want to see her or say anything, and I've regreted that.
Nobody look after me except my neighbour whos like my own mother and sister, my own sister and my gran, my dad was only home for a few days because he have to go off somewhere to find some money to feed us all. I remembered when we moved to a small flat, every1 was gone except me, I was all alone at the flat except our dog, that I went to my mums room and just laid in the bed remembering how she used 2 hugged me when we go to sleep, crying that I could av been a better daughter, I always thought she hates me and that she never wanted me because she always said she just found me in the fields and took me home, but now I knw that was a lie, bt then it rele hurt me.
Well I didn't see my mum till 5 years later when I was 9, my mum took me, my 2 brothers and my dad here in United Kingdom and all those years she was gone, im finally gna see her.
it didnt turned out the way I thought it would be, we both have our ups and down, I cried most of my nites to sleep and I still do, crying why she cant show me she loves me and why she loves my brother instead, I remember her saying to my brother
"I remember when I used to work in this place, and I had this costumer, who looked just like you, and at that moment I just missed you so much, that I wanted to see"
I heard her saying that to my brother, when I came down from my room and I just sat behind my mum and just thought, she never thought of me or missed me all of those years I thought of her and prayed that ill see her agen... then my mum noticed me that I was there and saw me looking sad so she sed
"oh you too" but I knew she didnt meant it
Until now we still av arguements, and im afraid to tell her anything because I dont think it would matter, as if anything about me ever did, she only cared about my brother, I tried doing things just to get her attention, bt she just nods and pay more attention to them than me, thats why im afraid, she always tells me off but if its anyone else she lets them... to be honest I dont rele know how it works, I never had the feeling of my own mum being there when I was a kid, I took care of myself, I learned how to wash myself, how to iron, how to cook, how to wash clothes and stuff without her being there, I learned how to take care of myself, but since I came here she treated me like I dont know anything, if it comes to the house she wants me to be just like my sister, whose responsible and cleans the house every 30 mins, but if it comes to having friends she thinks of me as a little girl she saw a few years ago, who doesn't know anything. . .
I actually feel a bit happy that shes worried about my safety but I just want to be like how its suppose to be, when I can tell her I love you with out feeling embaressed or scared or anything, I've been with her 4 6 years now and nothings happening...
Im even scared to tell her that I av a boyfriend now, and I loved him and I want her to meet him, and I dont even have the guts to, 2 years ago I planned on telling my mum about all of this what I have in my heart but I just cnt seem to let it out...
and im aving this troubles for a year now, on my 14th bday, my mum usuall cook something special or we go out 2 dinner, bt on my 14th bday she cooked, and we were just eating, and then my dad sed
"we shud just took a nite out, the food would taste better, look at that, it doesn't taste good!"
then they had a fight, an arguement, on my bday, I was just happy 2 celebrate it with them bt fighting in front of me in our dining table just, scarred me for my whole life, my older brother saw me nearly crying that he shouted that its my bday, they shudnt be even fighting, I appreciate that, bt just to think abwt it, it feels like I was never wanted in the family, they did hide me from the people when I was born because apparently I looked swollen and ugly that they hid me bt as I grew up, I was beautiful, bt they hid me and thats sumin a child dsnt want 2 knw...
a yr after my 14th bday, I was turning 15 and I just wished they wud forget its my bday so it wud be better off that they arnt plannin anything nice because they forgot than rememberin bt not plannin anything at all, at that day every1 was at different places, my older brother was in skwl, my other brother was out, my dad was at work and my mum stayed home and cooked 1 single meal [which I didnt like, because we had the same thing for a month bt I appreciated her cookin sumin] when my brother got home 4rm skwl, my mum went 2 sleep, when my dad went back home my mum went to work, and my 2 brothersjst stayed in their room, and I just had enough of it that I just went 2 my room and slept through my bday, so I dont av 2 deal with it anymore.
urghh just thought I wuld put this ere, thnks dealin wid my annoyin complaints... :S but if you av any advice on what I shud do I appreciate it, I was just wonderin if I shud tell my mum or not, that if im just over reacting, and being a baby with all of this stuff, bt anyways sorry thats its too long xD, well thnx for your help!
First nothing that you said was annoying...
I think that you should tell your mom.
sit down with her alone and tell her everything.
Its ok if you cry.
If your to shy to tell her this then
print out this hole thing you wrote and give it to her.
Give it to her and ask her to read it, while she reads it you could be in the room with her or be at a friends house. It dosent matter. Whatever makes you more comfortable.
Tell her to read it alone, when theres no one there to bother her.
Or you could sit her down and read this to her.
In some respect I know how you feel...
To feel like your mother loves your brother or sister more then you,
to feel like maybe you did somthing wroung
or to feel that maybe..she doesnt love you.
I know what its like to feel all of that.
And its ok to feel sad and angry.
I really hoped I helped, and hope everything works out between you and your mom.
if you need any advice, just funmail me.
I think, if possible, can you summerise this? it seems very long and I don't really understand? is it basically, your mum had to go away to work and left for a few years, now your all back together, and you feel it isn't living up to the fantasy of a 'family unit?'.. and you feel your brother is more appreciated than you?
your question is very long...
I think that you should just talk to her about what you feel. Tell her all the things that have hurt you in the past and be firm about it. Tell her how she made you feel when she said certain things and that you will remember those and ask her is that how she wants you to think of her? Tell her how you always wanted your relationship to be and that you have things that you want to tell her but you can't because you don't have that relationship. I think its way too hard to build a relationship with someone if the other person (being your mother) doesn't try to make things better or consider your feelings so if I were you I would just tell her how I feel and after this if she doesn't change things then you will know that you at least you tried and it also says something about her character and how good of a mom she is. Don't expect so much from people because that is when you get hurt...when you expect less you appreciate things more. Don't depend on your mother for love, you have all your brothers and your father to talk to and not a lot of people have that so consider yourself very lucky! Best of luck :)
thnks for all of your help, I will try and talk to her, when we are going well together, but I need sometime to build up my confidence 2 actually go up to her and say it
bt thnx for all of your help! I appreciate it soo much, and im sorry that uve been or are in my situation, I had wished the 1st time I felt it that I hope no 1 else feels this way because it rele hurts :(
I think since you havent had enough time spent with her you dont really feel ok telling her about things.or maybe you are scared of the way she might take things. but its ok you should have a talk with her and try to spend more time together maybe do alittle bonding. until feel good enough to start telling her things.
could you answer my "Is my friend mad?" question please
It is totally fine that you have a long question because sometimes you just have to tell those details or it won't make sense. I think it sucks that you had to go through that and if you ever get upset about it thats ok...you should.
I am 26 years old and have always felt unloved by my family in many ways...like I was the least important child. I finally asked my mom why that was, and she didn't know. I realized it was because I was insightful and smart so people didn't worrry about me as much. They couldn't see how much I hurt because they trusted me to know what was happening more than they could (in some aspects). I don't know you, but by the way you write I can tell you have those qualities too.
Don't waste any time, tell her how you feel. You may not see results the first, second or third time, but eventually you will. I think your mom probably has thought about you more than you know and she just can't express it. Remember who you are whatever it is smart, funny, interesting etc... and realize that you have those qualities whether other people realize it or not.
You need to at least try to talk to her and see what happens. Good luck!
If she doesn't understand, keep seeking people who do because your not alone.
Simply a Rose to brighten your day,
And maybe lessen the cares in your way;
And also, too, to help you to know,
That in knowing you, many others grow!
The best thing, and easiest, would be to print out your above question and give it to her. She would then be able to read it more than once and come to understand your feelings plus it would avoid the possibility of you becoming "flustered" if you tried to orally tell her. Then, later, you and she might be able to hold a conversation that would bring the two of you closer together.