Funadvice Logo
Post
More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

Poem, please comment :)

I Think You’re Divine

Control seems so far away from me. Control is a need, control is a fantasy. I can’t shut you up, I can’t seem to drown you out. Smile for the camera, give us a pout. I’ve had too much, must go Crouch down, next to the toilet real low. Tiles are cold, water running. “having a wash”- oh so cunning. on my knee’s but I haven’t lost my keys, I hate you, but I have to say I think you’re divine. Your twisted words and f*cked up mind.

will I ever get what I came here for, do I even know what I came here for? …although I hate you. I think your divine.

thankyou!

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

Yeah, it’s really good. I like the way you have to think about the meaning behind it. I think that it’s meant to be about a model…you’ve really made expressed the feelings that we don’t see beyond the camera!

Answer #2

I don’t think the word “keys’ was meant to be taken literally…it sounds to me like a vague method of stating the person has not yet lost her mind.

Answer #3

Pretty dark…I’m guessing it’s in the context of being a model dealing with ED?

It certainly speaks to the reader, the whole conflict of the love/hate relationship the person is experiencing within herself.

Answer #4

yeah I can see the metaphor about the keys, but I still dont’ think it fits… maybe something else instead of keys… I just don’t like the flow…

I see this a lot in poems… it flows pretty good and then they throw something in the middle that kinda takes away from it all.. it breaks the flow, or inhibits audience interpretation.

I mean if you’re already crouching over the toilet, you pretty much have lost all hope, so the keys bit is a lie.

A poem should focus on one thing. The keys bit takes away from that focus…

I do like the poem though.

Answer #5

I don’t like the bit about the keys.

The rest is good.

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

Poems Please

Literature, Arts & Humanities, Education

Advisor

Shopnobilap

Literature, Online Publishing, Community

Advisor

Diamond Nail Supplies

Nail Supplies, Beauty Essentials, Salon Equipment

Advisor

Interior Jumbo

Interior designers in Chennai

Advisor

Kyle Derek Ervin's Story

Books, Faith and Spirituality, Personal Development