Married & In Love with another man

Hello please help me im 24 been married for 7 years and I have two little girls but for the last year I have been having an affair and im in love with this guy but I dont want to hurt my husband because I do care for him im so confused please help me PLEASE

Answer #1

PLEASE READ! I believe my previous post accidently cut short. Like I was saying, I cheated on my husband and I can tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Where is our restraint? and when did we begin believing that it was up to our spouse to make our life exciting? This is a partnership that is fueled by love, admiration and respect for each other. Do you remember when you and your husband were first dating? Remember the lust, attraction, excitement. It would be only natural that those superficial emotions would eventually fade away and be replaced with something stronger and more enriching. In every marriage, the lust subsides. Why would you disrespect your husband, disrespect your children and yourself for the sake of recapturing something that you and your husband once had? I contemplated this for months and did research and read forums warning me of how STUPID it is to have an affair. The result? I did it anyway. I can begin to tell you how painful it is for me to look in my adoring husband’s eyes and tell him he’s the only man that captures my heart, my mind and my body. I told him about the affair shortly after it occured. Ladies, did we expect marriage to be an unwithering circle of hot steamy sex and roses? What the hell? I don’t know how I fell for such a lie. Marriage is powerful. You dedicate yourselves to each other to help each one become a better version of themselves. You create a new generation and partner up together in raising helpful, decent citizens and human beings. What power that is! The problem is that we have this fake, superficial idea of what is supposed to make us feel ALIVE. HOT sex in the car, feeling DESIRED by some man other than YOUR man. Thanks to television and in my opinion (Satan), we are fed lies in order to bring us to the edge and destroy what is the very foundation of this country: strong marriages and strong families. And we are led believe that we’re not hurting anyone…it’s something we NEED to do for ourselves. If you respect your husband, your marriage, your kids and yourself, you will GET UP and get the HELP you need. I wish I would’ve done that instead of being afraid to ask for help. I fell into the monsters pit and there’s not ONE day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I don’t have the perfect husband, and I am not the perfect wife. But we TALK a lot now and we’ve identified each others needs. Mine are the need for affection and sexual fullfillment, conversation, recreational companionship. His are the need to feel admired and respected by me. Every person has needs that their spouse is ABLE to fullfill for them. It begins with communicating those needs DIRECTLY and making a COMMITMENT to fullfill them for your spouse. That’s how you know you love them. If you are willing and working towards meeting your spouses needs, even when it requires some sacrifice on your part. The lust and the need to feel DESIRED? Give me a break. The affair will bring you that for a short while. INFATUATION IS SHORT! Don’t you know this already? Remember the dating days with hubby? It is bound to wear off and will either be replaced with true love and commitment or a tiring of the person. Before you know it, you will be running off to find the next affair and hurting everyone you love. Rekindling the fire with your spouse is possible, but it takes commitment. There’s nothing sexier than having sex with the person you will grow old with. Every time is a renewal of your vows and a renewal of your commitment to build a strong family. Get creative and get professional help. If you’re still not willing, then it’s not possible that you love your husband…it just isn’t. In that case, a separation is best for you, for him, and yes, for your children. ANYONE READING THIS, please don’t make the mistake I did, and if you’re in an affair already, CONFESS to your husband, and both of you GO get good counseling. Marriage today is under attack. Either you can stand strong and save yours or you can listen to foolishness and regret. I wish I made the right choice. I guess I feel like maybe if I write this, I can help some women make the right choice and it will help me heal. Please, if you can do anything after this, separate lies from truth in your mind. Look at your wedding pictures and remember the days of infatuation with your love. Fortunately, those days have become a beautiful marriage with limitless potential and not just ‘another fling.’ Here is a website that has been extremely helpful in dealing with affairs and their affects as well as helping you understand your marriage and your spouse so that you can AVOID an affair. They deal with EVERYTHING regarding affairs, including emotional needs (which seems to be why most women are having affairs), sexual desire with your spouse, ending affairs, etc. READ all you can! There are tons of articles about this, and I believe it’s the first step, then you should go get a counseler/coach to hold you accountable and help you both save your marriage.

Answer #2

this just one more reason to add to my list why not to marry why not leave him then go with that other guy thats filthy that you slep with one man one nigeht and your husband another fore shame

Answer #3

u should have never had that affair

Answer #4

I am going through the exact same thing that bellamia has mentioned. It is indeed the HARDEST thing I have experienced emotionally. Too love someone so much and not have complete & normal availablity to share real things with them is so hard! I have been married for 7 and been involved with a wonderful man I have known for 11 years. I know my reasons and stand by my decisions.. but lately reality is starting to settle in and I am an emotional roller coaster

Answer #5

temptation.. its your own choice whether to fight it or not.. dont do something you wouldn’t want to do it to u…

Answer #6

welll I feeel so much for you im 23 and been married since 5 years and have 2 little kids and feelll in love with someone over the net and even planing to get marry and he will do anything for me to make me husband is a goood person and sweet but e have an anger temper and whenever he gets mad he tells me shits and hurts my feelings plus he is the one who take the control in our relatiion and doesnt let me to till I found myself that I lost my parents and friends and everything he loves me thats he wan put me in his own goldish jail… till once I was just trying to have un over the net and met my soulmate …im so in love with him right now but at the same time im worried about my husband… my lover is always so mad as he knows I still didnt leave my husband and always jaleous that I might having sex with my husband and he loves me to death…want to leave my husband but I never hurted ny in my life so now im fining it hard to deal with that!

Answer #7

I’m 24 years old and have been married for 5 years with 2 kids, I love my husband but I dont think I love him like a wife is suppose to love her husband. I got married to young and now that I’m more mature, my taste for men have changed and my husband does not fit my standards anymore. I’ve been having an affair with his best friend that is 13 years older than me and he is also married, I’m in love with him and cant stop thinking about him and I’m tring real hard not to cause I know he is just using me for his own personal enjoyment. What I am saying is that you should make sure of what your secret partners intentions are before you do anything to disrupt your marraige with a man that truely does love you.

Answer #8

dera 9866

unlike every one else I will not judge …for I for the longest time was in love with two men. one being my boyfriend and the other my best friend.see after you have been in a relationship as long as you have the exitment not to mention the passion withers…you say you still love your husband…oviously because if you didint you would know what to do…I say you sit with your husband and remember…remember your first date,when you went to the park,when he fell,the first time you had sex,but share how you were feeling…

“remember the time we went to the lake?” “yeah” “I felt so weird in that bathing suit” “you looked great”

“on our first date I was so nervous” “my palms were sweating the whole time” “you looked so cute in that shirt” “I spilled soda on the first one, that was the only clean one”

ect ect… youll find out new thing about your eachother…and remember thing and feelings uve forgotten. youll remember how it felt when you were first together…youll fall in love again if this dosent help…and you dont love him any more tell him this…and end it. love always -v-

Answer #9

I know how you feel. I mean I’m 30 and have been married to my husband for 9 years and I’m still in love with someone else. I’ve been with my husband for almost 15 years and all through those years, I’ve been seeing this other guy. I’ve always had feelings for him and me and my husband has broken up because of this other guy. We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about 11 years now, and I have to say…I love this other guy so much. I’ve told him how I feel but He tells me that we cant be together, that he has feelings for me too, but hes not a home wrecker..And I want to be with him so bad. I know it could work and I dont want to hurt my husband no more like I’ve hurt him in the past, but what can you do? It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I’m in the same situation as you girl. If you can come up with something please let me know. I need help

Answer #10

I can relate, I married and had kids young. I love my husband very much. But not so sure anymore if I love him the same way or because of the children. He always tells me I’m not the same person because I grew up and he didn’t. He fights with me all the time and talks down to me, but something keeps me with him. He s a great father and person to everyone else. I always tell him while he’s yelling if he doesn’t love me than leave, but he never does. I have plenty of oppurtunities to cheat and never acted on them. Until recently, the one person I told everything to, my life long best friend(male) got really mad at me at a reunion event. He told me he could see how unhappy I was and why I was putting up with it. He told me the girl he knew back in HS would never take that from anyone. When I was taken aback at how mad he really was I questioned him and realized he has been in love with me for 18 years and never said anything to me about it. Just watched all those years to make sure I didn’t get hurt. Now we are thousands of miles apart and it took him telling me he was in love with me, for me to realize I’ve been in loce with him too. Will I act on it, NO.. probably because he would never let me do anything I would regret. Now I just have to sit back and figure out that if I can have these types of feelings for someone other than my husband…Do I really truely love my husband, or do I love him for the kids???

Answer #11

the grass always look greener on the other side. We all make mistakes but sometimes we can stop ourselves from make that mistake…I think you need to look inside and ask what are you missing in the marriage and missing emotionally, and talk to your husband. I feel strongly if you left your husband you would find out the “other man” is not as good as you think. I would hate to see you throw away a good decent man for someone who has been used to using women and then dumping them. Before you leave your husband you need to ask this man what his intentions are? Don’t assume that this other man will be there down the road but you know your husband it always going to be there for you.. You need to talk to your husband and find out how the two of you can work on your relationship.

I feel very strongly this other man is not what he seems, this other man can have his fun and no string attached as long as you are married but if you were divorced would he still want to be with you. Just something to think about…men don’t always show their hidden agenda…

Answer #12

Personally I say do what the hell you like - just remember - if you play with fire prepare to get burned!

Answer #13

You should never ever have an affair with another man. That will hurt your husband so much if he found out. Since you don’t want to your husband, then you shouldn’t go with another man. You should know that marriage is sacred. That is what is love to your husband. Let the other guy before somebody gets hurt.If your two little girls found out they would go to your husband and say something to him. You really don’t need to cause your husband pain. You need to love your husband than the other guy. What you are doing is being hurtful to your husband. Let the other guy go please.

Answer #14

I have one for you

Answer #15

Just about everyone on here is crazy maybe yall should divorce your spouses because obviousily yall will not b faithful and they deserve someone better then yall…I HOPE they are doing the same thing 2 yall…THERE are SOME NASTY people IN THE WORLD.

Answer #16

All of YOU make me SICK to my stomach…”I love my secret man/life but I love my children and my husband”…YOU ARE ALL SELFISH, SELF CENTERED WOMAN. Take a step back ladies and LOOK at yourselves! You want the best of both worlds…either leave your husband or your affair FOR GOOD. Yes, you may lose them both BUT FOR GOD sakes have some dignity. I am the wife of a man who HAD AN AFFAIR and guess what IDIOTS…you will be caught. I’m trying REAL hard to get over how bad the deceit, the lies and just how good he was at it. I look at him and wonder..who the hell were you all these years. Keep it up ladies…you may as well rob and cheat and steal from your employer…you are all SKUM!!

Answer #17

Well I read the other responsise but to be honest I diagree with there ansers. I feel that if you were happy you would have never cheated you may care for your husband but not the way a woman should love her husband. I had an affair and I ended up back with my husband I needed to see what it be like. Just figure out who you want more… If the other man wants a relationship and figure it out before saying anything to your husband. When you do tell him dont bring up the other man just tell him you want to take a break and see what its like with the other man

Answer #18

My husband and I got together for all the wrong reasons. All the same we got married had a child and we were 2 totally different people who could not agree on anything. Yet we decided to stay together because of finances and the children. Few years later, things got to be very mentally abusive and I met a man who did all the right things and said all the right things. I feel in love. Things became physical very quickly. To add to the brew, the physical part was the the best I had ever experienced and I was in my early 30s. I left my husband, moved into an apartment. My partner and I decided not to move in together right away so we could give my son time to transition. My son loved him dearly at first. Then my husband and others from the family started instigating to turn my son against the man I fell inlove with. Soon my son was scared that this new person was trying to replace his dad and could no longer stand him being around. My son fell to pieces. Coming from a broken home myself, I was convinced that the best thing to do for my son would be to return to my husband. So I did. I broke off the affair, went back to it and broke it off again. I hurt my lover very deeply. I have been back in the marriage 3 years and my son is very settled. I still am inlove with the other man. Breaking it off was the most and still is the most painful thing I have ever done emotionally speaking.

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