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Why is my biological mom acting like this?

So.. long story short, I’m adopted. I came into contact for the first time with my biological mom in August of 08. We talked almost everyday.. deep conversations, anything you could think of! I know it’s weird that at that point we hadn’t met in person yet, but I definitely felt a connection. The kind of connection lucky people have with their parents that I never REALLY felt with my adoptive parents. Anyways… so sometimes she would kind of disappear and I couldn’t get a hold of her, but no biggie. She was sick for a few months, then got better. Then I was sick with mono for several months, so our contact was on/off for a while. Then in June of 09, I went with a friend to San Francisco to meet her. She was there on vacation with some of her friends. I thought it went great! Wasn’t awkward.. we didn’t have much alone time because there were always people around, but she came out to where I lived a couple months later and it was pretty much all alone time. Ok.. fast forward a few months. I moved to a different state. Couple months later, she and her partner moved over here too. They literally were 10 minutes from me. She kept talking the talk, but not really following through. I know she’s super smart, and also really great with words…I felt like she really did care, and we were actually going to have some sort of normal relationship! My best friend and I always invited them everywhere… I had a great birthday dinner with all of them. But I have tried so many times to spend time with her, and almost every time she has bailed. And THEN when SHE has time, and I am busy… she gets all butt-hurt that I can’t be with her. It’s like she only wants to spend time with me when it’s convenient for HER. Well, turns out she and her partner are apparently moving back to their old place in UT (I’m in CO) next week. So knowing that, you’d think she’d want to hang out with me as much as possible, right? I feel like I’ve messed up, or done something wrong, or not met expectations or something. Which deep down I know isn’t right, because I have tried my hardest and sacrificed my time to fit her schedule. Enough was enough the other day when she had said she would come watch me train horses (my job). Of course, I never heard from her that morning. Then she texts me saying she was up late… I’m thinking, hell… if I were her, I wouldn’t care if I hadn’t gotten 5 minutes of sleep, I’d at least stop by the barn to say hello briefly! Oy. She and her partner were supposed to make one trip back to UT on Wednesday and then come back to CO for the rest of their stuff. Didn’t hear from them so I thought they were in UT… guess they never left here. Then she posts something on a social site about how she’s got nothing to do and is going to play Farmville. I was like… are you KIDDING ME!? Here you are, flaking out on me all the time, you’re moving away in a week… you have nothing to do, so rather than seeing if I’m available (which I am, I’m working at the barn every day, but am finished early afternoons) she’s sitting around playing some virtual farming game on her computer. I guess I just don’t understand. She was adopted too.. and never found her birthmom. She told me she always wished she could have a relationship with her birthmom. Yeah well, I would have liked that too. What do I do? Or say to her? I was planning on showing up the morning they leave, and helping them pack up. So at least they couldn’t move back and trash talk about how I never tried. It’s pretty hard for me to be mad at someone, but it actually kind of hurts. I really don’t think I had high expectations at all?? And not once did they ever invite me over to their place. The only time I’ve been over there was when I surprised them on a bike ride. I just have given up I guess. She sent me texts saying she was sorry, etc… to which I still haven’t replied and don’t really intend to. I wish I knew what was going through her head. And no, I can’t tell all of this to her, or tell her how I feel, or what I’m thinking because she gets upset easily. And the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings. Do I just be blunt and tell her? There really is no nice way of telling someone that they’ve been a flake and don’t show that they care. Who knows, maybe she doesn’t want her biological daughter in her life afterall but is afraid to say it? It’s not like I ask her to pay for anything. All I wanted was communication, and to maybe see each other once a week… you’d think that wouldn’t be hard considering their duplex is close enough for my to ride a bike or walk my dogs. I’m not really looking for advice… but maybe just thoughts as to what she might be feeling, cause I’ve been trying to figure it out and really am clueless! Thanks in advance…

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Answer #1

that was too longgg… live your life and pretend that you nvr met eachother

Answer #2

well have you ever concidered that maybe shes going through something in her life as well? I mean I dont think it would be easy for someone to look at their son in thee eyes of who they have abandoned all their life. well if you ask me she just needs to get her crap together and you need to go back to having a nice relationship with the family that really does care about you the family that you have always know your entire life. but talk to your mother about what is going on why she is acting this way the least she could do is give you an explanation

Answer #3

You should really write a book your life is interesting but she really dont want that mother and daughter relationship at all she says she does but she really doesnt. Remember dont try to kiss her butt just because she is your mother. She will one day realize how wrong she was for maken you believe that she really wanted to be a normal mother to you. Dont feel bad because it is a good thing you were adopted look how she has neglected you already. just continue to go on living your life as if she never existed because that is what she is doing.

Answer #4

You know you never even talk about your biological parents.. if they are good people talk to them and see what they say instead of asking a whole bunch of strangers. I know its hard but she is the one that left you at the hospital not caring what would happen 2 u..and then some other people came in and gave you a life so you didn’t have to spend your life in an orphanage.. Talk to your REAL parents the ones that have dedicated their life to you… If you don’t agree then I don’t know what else I have to say.. maybe she’s done with you just like she was when she adopted you out..shes probably one of those people who can’t take responibilty..and frankly thats too bad! But don’t let it get to you..tell her it was nice to meet her and good luck with life!! Hope this helps!! :)

Answer #5

Ok yess I meant your adoptive parents sorry bout that… but everything else I said I still go with. But I mean if your moved out and it’s a touchy subject with your legal parents then I don’t know.. all I know is most of all my cousins are adopted.. when the oldest turned 17 she ran away to oklahoma to be with her biological parents (my aunt and “uncle”) look I know its not your same situation obviously but her biological parents are really mentally ill and she doesn’t see that and she had a kid. now she is 20 and I barely talk to her and thats because shes just falling to picecs and won’t listen to what anybody has to tell her… her biological father also beats the mother and whatever else..unfortunatly my aunt stays with him..

To make it more clear my grandma adopted my aunt who we will call S. S married C and had kids. every kid was taken away from them. My grandma adopted My cousin which was actually considered an aunt but we call each other cousins.

I know thats not your situation but the the point is she never talked to my grandparents who raised her and she turned out to be not a very bright person..im not saying your not bright tho..But I kinda know what you are going through..my cousin and I are very close.. well not anymore because she tried to pull me into stuff and I really don’t want to be in her drama so I backed out.. Good luck

Answer #6

Oh I’ve been moved out for a while, have my own life.. etc. Yeah I definitely am not saying I am looking to have a mother/daughter relationship. At this point, it is hard to even say we have just a basic friendship. Even my not-so-close friends are more reliable than she has been. Believe me, I will always be my legal parents’ daughter. End of story. I love them more than I can explain… I just was wondering if anyone had insight as to why she might be acting like that. I’m definitely not trying to be her daughter!

Answer #7

Whoaaa ok, let me clear some things up. She gave me up because she was only 18 when she got pregnant. She really did CARE about my well-being then, because clearly she knew she could not give me the life that she wanted for me.

bubbles… what do you mean I never talk about my biological parents? I just rambled about her. My biological dad ran off when she first got pregnant, and I have not really had a desire to find him yet. If you mean my adoptive parents… the reason I haven’t talked to them about it is because I haven’t told them that I’m in contact with her. I’m not a child, I’m older than most of the people on this website. I feel like my personal life is just that… and honestly, I know it is a VERY touchy subject for my adoptive mom, because she was never able to have kids of her own. No matter how much I assured her that she will always be my real mother, if she knew I was in contact with my biological mom, she would feel very threatened.

Hope I cleared a few things up. And obviously just because my biological mom gave birth to me, that does not make her my mom. My adoptive parents are my parents

Why is my biological mom acting like this?

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