I miss my DAD but he doesnt want nothing to do w/me, HELP???

The beginning of 2009 me and my dad got into a huge fight, words where exchanged, then blows where bein thrown… I loved going to my parents house w/my kids its the only place that would make me feel safe and loved & my children LOVED seein their grandparents as well as their aunties, well one day after a long week we went over their to hang out me & my little sister ended up falling asleep while cleaning her room, I woke up w/my dad yelling our names & banging on the door as I was getting up off the floor my dad barges in the room hitting me w/the door right on my side later leaving me a huge scratch and a bruise well it was a reaction & I slammed the door shut hitting him in the face he then opens the door pulls me by my hair and starts yelling at me calling me bnames and slapping me in the face. I was really mad & upset so I started hitting him back & yelling at him to stop he then becomes more aggresive and hurtful, my kids as well as my little sisters are screaming & yelling then thats when my stepmom seperates us. Some how the cops got their we didnt press any charges and they left. Me & my kids ended up leaving while my dad is throwing our stuff out telling me to nvr come back… its almost then end of 2009 & I have apologized to my dad cried to him as well as to my stepmom & my grandma to see if maybe they can convience my dad… nope nothin. Me & my dad have always bumped heads he has always put me down & holds my teenage rebillious past againt me even though I’am a 27yrs old mother of 2. I’ve changed my life around for the better I work full time I take care of my children on my own, no welfare no childsupport no father figure just me! I have my own place my own car im so indepandent but to my dad im still a failure a nobody he always puts me down and tells me that I should just rely on the goverment to help me, I’ve told him that I do not want my children to have the life of drugs, violence & gangs that I had. He never understood why. What can I do to make my dad understand that I LOVE HIM no matter how much he pushes me away and puts me down, how can I make him see that iam suffering so much w/out the security of my father & that this is not only affecting me but its affecting my babies my sisters and my stepmother! please somebody help me please!!!