How can I stop fighting constantly with my mother?

Thankyou- I’ll try a lot harder from now on.. even though it’s hard.

Reading your words reminds me of my own life 10 years ago. I also grew up constantly fighting with my mother, who raised my sister and me by herself, moving a lot, struggling and trying hard to make it. She also leaned on me, I needed to be strong and independent early on. It makes you mature quickly, as I’m sure are doing right now. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but my relationship with my mother now is not much different than what it used to be: she and I still disagree on important issues even though I am more and more like her every day (yes, it’s true, we all turn into our mothers in more ways than we want to admit as the years go by), I still feel undervalued and unloved while at the same time I feel her pride in me in my successes and her love for me as a mother. The underlying strife between you and your mother may not be due to the difficult circumstances that you both face together, but that tone exists as a vehicle all by itself, perhaps in perpetuity unless there are some fundamental relationship changes. Now that I’m a 24 year old adult, I approach my mother with a lot of respect, humility, and gratitude. I’m sure you do now, too. But I am also an independent adult woman, something you’ll get to say soon as well. You need to keep in mind that you deserve respect as much as she deserves to get it, you both need to understand and support one another (not jut you understanding and supporting her), and you both need to approach each other with rationality and and underlying sense of peace when you communicate and interact. That’s nearly impossible between teenagers and their mothers, and it gets easier as you move away from home, have your own job and income, your own responsibilities, and your own lifestyle. Mothers will always see their kids as kids, but in time you can demand an adult respect from her that you may not be getting when you are young and dependent on her, as is exhibited by your constant fighting and mutual frustrations. Just remember that you are deserving of the same human dignity as is she. It is very important to show her respect and gratitude since without her you coudn’t survive, but that doesn’t mean that you need to feel disrespected, treated like less of person, and yelled at because she is frustrated with her responsibilities, challenges, and difficulties. Yes, you need to help her, you need to be understanding, you need to support her mentally and emotionally and in every way you can, but you must also preserve your own self respect and dignity, otherwise you set the stage for an on-going relationship of emotional oppression that may never change. Remember, this is not a test run, and the way you formulate your relationship in your youth greatly impacts your future as it is the jumping off point to your adult relations with her. Something can’t come out of nothing, and your relationship needs to be a strong and good something and not a bitter, distant, angry nothing. Try to create a little space for yourself, take over some of the responsibility for raising you off your mother’s shoulders. She will appreciate you for it. Make sure you take charge of your academics, do some chores, help her out, cook dinner for her once in a while, lesse her task load. If you can be partners in survival together, it will be beautiful. Did you ever see the movie “Tumbleweeds?” It’s a good one, speaks to just what you and I are talking about,albeit through the eyes of a much younger girl. Anyway, be strong, self-sufficient, proud and helpful, and take charge of your life, your education, your raising yourself, your obligations, and your relationship with your mother. The more you act like a grown-up and take charge, the more respect she will have for you and you will have for yourself. I think that helped me a lot with my relationship with my mother, and made a failing situation into something at least respectful and bearable. I wish you the very best of luck, and keep your head high, believe in yourself.