Could someone give me some help on my personal statement?

This is for my application to university. You may not be a University admissions officer or an expert in psychology (if you are that’s a bonus) but if you could give me any tips on how to improve this then it would be great. There may be a few grammatical mistakes or there may be a better way of putting something. If you could pick me up on these it would be brilliant! I still have around 200 characters spare, so I can still think of a few worthy sentences to add in.

From a young age I have been interested in the way humans channel their emotions and behaviour and it was not until I was older that I realized this was psychology. Recently I have become particularly intrigued by cognitive neuroscience. I find it striking that human cognition is defined by a pattern of connection between neurons and there is still so much more to understand by psychologists and scientists all over the world. I am determined to learn more about this part of psychology and hopefully to contribute to the research in this field in years to come. Stanley Milgram once said ‘Many of the most interesting things we find out in experimentation you don’t learn until you carry it out’. This is a good way to describe my drive, particularly as I enjoy the thrill of finding out knowledge through experiments which I believe is a vital part of Psychology Bsc. Studying psychology at A level has provided me with a secure base of knowledge for studying the course at university. I have had opportunities undertaking practical experiments and I have developed my understanding of scientific methods such as hypothesis forming. During AS English literature I was often more inclined to use psychoanalytical theories to assess characters because I was more interested at looking at them from a psychological point of view. I would often use Freud’s psychosexual stages of development to offer an explanation for a certain character’s behavior. This is just one example of how it’s possible to apply psychology to everyday circumstances. A level Maths has supported my analysis of data skills in psychology, especially the statistics module that I completed at AS. The course requires a lot of persistence and determination however I have managed to be diligent with my work. A level French has helped to dramatically improve my essay writing skills. Furthermore, it has also enabled me to understand English better. From this I have learnt to write in a stylistic, fluent way in both French and English which is an invaluable yet necessary skill. At school I currently mentor a boy with Asperger’s syndrome. Not only has this developed my skills to deal with certain areas of mental health but it has also given me the opportunity to engage in something that I have a keen interest in. I am in the process of completing the level 3 EPQ qualification where I am looking at psychology in the media. I focus on how certain linguistic techniques can reach the target audience through both a subliminal and conscious level. This work has allowed me to improve my independent drive and ability to undertake research in a subject that I am passionate about. I feel that this is definitely good preparation for the rigorous and challenging life at university. As part of the Duke of Edinburgh Silver award scheme I volunteered at a local charity shop. I organized the stock rooms and came up with new and innovative ways to raise money for the shop. I did this over the GCSE period however, still stayed committed and enhanced my dedication and time-keeping skills. From time to time I work at a stately home and gardens where I have constant interaction between myself and colleagues and customers which improves both my confidence and social ability. A few years ago I started teaching myself piano by ear. From then on I have been a devoted pianist and I am always striving to improve my skills. Although it is an increasingly competitive field, I would like to pursue a career in clinical psychology as I believe I have the determination and willpower to do so. There is and always will be so much to learn in the world of psychology and I want to be able to contribute to the unraveling of the psyche as well as helping others. I understand that a psychology degree is a mixture of both writing and numerical skills of which I believe are my strongest points.