Why am I so doubtful?

Out of pure boredom one day almost two years ago, I went into this chat room. Which is something I never do. Ever. I don’t know why I did it. I’m home schooled, I don’t get out much, I don’t have friends. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to.

I met this boy and we really hit things off. There was just that connection, you know?

And I know I know. He could have been some 40 year old creepo looking to take advantage of a young girl.

I was careful though. And now I’m 100% sure he isn’t.

I’m sure you know where this story is going.

We kept talking, things happened, some things went wrong, we made them better, and I fell for him. Hard.

After almost 2 years of knowing each other, we’re super close, he tells me he loves me, I tell him I love him, we talk about the future, we talk about anything and everything, and he knows when something is wrong with me. If I’m in a bad mood or something went wrong that day, he knows and he’ll make it better.

He’s perfect. For me at least. He’s everything I’ve always wanted. He makes me so happy. It’s funny. Usually he’s the kind of guy I avoid. The athletic, very good looking, great body, charming, smart, funny guy that we all see, but know we’ll never get.

Truth is, I don’t feel good enough for him. I feel like he could do so much better.

After his day, he’ll come online and we’ll talk. Every single day. For most of the time anyway. Even when we aren’t IMing each other, we’ll leave messages for one another.

He tells me I’m the one. That he’s going to marry me and be my forever and ever. We plan on meeting in 3ish years. That’s a hell of a long time. He says he’ll wait. How many guys wait for a girl that long though? How many guys stay a virgin for a girl for that long?

He says he will. He promises.

I don’t want to get hurt. Especially by him. He means the world to me. I love him so much. He promises me so many things. That it’ll all work out. That we’ll be together. That all of this will be worth it. That he’ll be here someday.

Someday.

There’s so much to say about all of this. I could go on forever.

I have so many doubts. Doubts that he’ll leave me. Even though he tells me constantly that he’ll never leave me. Doubts that I’m not good enough for him. He tells me I’m everything though. Doubts about everything.

He’s only in high school. He seems so confident about all of this though. He’s determined to be with me someday and make this all work out. I need him. He’s my everything. Part of me feels like it CAN work out, but another part is so negative.

I don’t want him breaking the promises he’s made to me. I don’t want him to meet somebody else. I don’t want him to hurt me. To break my heart. I want him to be my one and only.

Why am I so doubtful?