More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

What do you think of "you're so far"?

Ok I wrote a free verse poem called you’re so far…what do you think…im not sure I like it…

I’m watching it all, Like through a telescope. Everything is just so far away now, But I’m still hoping you’ll come back to see me

You are distant now, even the stars agree. If I tried to reach out for you hand, Then I would surely lose my own. I am over here and you are out there.

I hold my breath when the cars drive by, Glancing in basement windows for you, But you are no longer here, You have fallen into the sky.

You have flurried with the snow in the North, Have dusted with the grains of sand in the Desert, You have rippled with the waves in the Ocean, You have traveled and stayed in Natures hostel

You are not here, And I watch as though through a microscope, Everything about you is so close, But if I try to reach out I will lose my own hand

My eyes are sore from looking for you, And my hands are strained from prayer, I see you in everything, But you are too far to be a part of me now.

Become an Expert →

Answer #1

I love the imagery and descriptive words you used! Try making them less like sentences, and more like phrases. Also shorten some things?

Example (from your poem) :

You flurried with the snow in the North, dusted with the grains of desert sand rippled with the ocean waves and traveled and stayed in Natures hotel.

That was one way of shortening that stanza. Another way…

You have flurried with the Northern snow, dusted with the sand of the desert, you rippled with waves of the ocean, traveled and stayed in Nature’s hotel.

You get the point… Try this idea here with a new poem instead of revising this one. I think it’d be easier to start from scratch.

Answer #2

tbh honest I don’t get poetry unlessi rhymes Guess thts why I am failing englsh

Answer #3

Wow. It’s awesome! You’ve definitely got some major talent.

More Like This

What do you think of my short story so far and tips on finshing it? - 4 Answers
What do you think of my short story so far?It's: If I could be butterfly,I would be the buteerfly of hope.To go to people who...
What do you guys think of my poem so far? - 6 Answers
I'm still working on it, though; I just need help with the second to last line...ahaha any suggestions?(: "First Fire" "She...
What do you think?? - 3 Answers
What do you think of this poem. It took me nearly 15 hours to write over 3 nights. They say we take life for granted, That ...
What do you think of this poem? - 5 Answers
I dream of someone I dream of you you're like no one youre just you sweet, cute and helpful you raise people when they fall Y...
What do you think of these lyrics??? - 5 Answers
This is a song I wrote about being stuck in a situation where you are in no power and feel trapped while watching your dreams...
What do you think of my writing? - 2 Answers
ok tell me what you think.. what can I say my worlds in black and gray everyday and every night my worlds in black and whit...
What is it called when a character knows they're not real? - 2 Answers
What's it called when a fictional character is aware that they're a fictional character? Examples: "Now who would watch a ...
what do you think of my poem "Fading Beauty"? - 1 Answers
When the wind blows beauty fades Thats what happened to you, you should have stayed I miss you bay I need you here To help me...
What do you think about this?! - 2 Answers
For the guy im in love with: I wrote this. What do you think? You're more than a friend I felt it from the start Something g...
What do you think of these two poems? - 2 Answers
What do you think of these two poems? They are both very different, but I want opinions, please and thanks. Mr. Perfect I'l...

Ask an advisor one-on-one!

What do you think of "you're so far"?

KitabDeal.com

Lawcify

Kathi Sohn's Self-Help Resour...

Business Setup in Dubai | Bus...

Great-Essays.com