What can I say to my gay best friend?

So I actually have two really close gay guy friends and it just so happens they’re together. I’ll call them C and G. C super religious and is struggling with this relationship. Religion is such a huge part of his life and his parents would basically disown him (I know this because it almost happened before, but that’s a whole different story). And even though I don’t agree with their views on condemning homosexuality, I haven’t pressured him into coming out. So I guess what I’m asking for advice on advice. What should I say to him? Should I nudge him into coming out or just let him do what he wants?

Another problem. He says he loves G, but if an opportunity comes up where there’s a girl he wants to start talking to, he’ll break up with G. This decision, I think, is completely crazy because 1.) he has no idea what “love” means if he is willing to do this and 2.) he is basically saying he is using my other friend because he doesn’t want to be alone. I don’t really know what advice I’m asking for. I guess I’m just wondering how to tell him to stop stringing G along like a puppet.

Answer #1

First advice about coming out and what you should say, I think it’s hard enough to accept your gay, tell your friends and then be scared s hitless to be disowned by your parents if they find out. What he needs is a friend to listen, to understand and not to pressure him into coming out if he isn’t ready. So, I advise you let him deal with his parents and figure out by himself if he wants to share his personal life with them or not. Next, the girlfriend thing. I think that you are entitled to your opinion and that you as a friend should share it with him. That is if he is saying something to you that seems indecent, contrary or mean then you should call him on it. Maybe he doesn’t realize how hurtful he is being by saying this or maybe he still hopes he is straight or bisexual. Either way, if he is telling you this, then you have a right to react and say what you think. I think I’d just say something like I.e.: I really love you as a friend but what you said about dumping G for some random stranger just because they are a girl. well, frankly I just don,t get it. How can you say you love him then say you’d break his heart? I don’t want to judged but it just seems so unfair.” You can also tell him that G really loves him and that he should be honest with him. But that is as far as I would go into getting involved. Afterall, they have to figure things out as a couple together. Sounds like you are a good friend so just fallow your heart!

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