Want to have an affair

I’m 35 years old and have been married for 14 years to my husband. Our sex life has been pretty much non existent. My husband had a major accident 6 years ago that causes him to take pain killers, now which in return has killed his sex drive. For the past couple of years, I really haven’t been interested in sex either. So, it hasn’t bothered me, except in the past 3 months, I have gone through a change. I have lost over 40 lbs and are taking better care of myself. Guys are looking at me again. I started to lose the weight, because I wanted to be intimate with my husband again. Except, when we did try to have sex, he has a really hard time keeping an erection (which is due to the pain killers). I am really frustrated and to make matters worse, there’s this guy at this deli that I go to that I’m really attracted to. We kind of stare at each other and smile. I can’t stop thinking about him!!! I tried to talk to my husband about trying viagra or something, but he thinks he doesn’t need it. And he keeps brushing off the subject of our sex life. I don’t want a divorce (I have 2 young kids). And I do love him, but am not attracted to him anymore (he has gained a lot of weight). I really want this other guy who I know is married also. And I know this other guy is attracted to me, too, by the way he looks at me. What should I do?? P.S. My husband can’t come off his pain killers, he has tried others, but has always had to go back to the same ones.

Answer #1

hi i want to say i’m so glad there is someone thats having the same problem is me i just saw you responded to my problem i just wanted to let you know i met the other guy we didnt have sex but i think of him more now then i did before he’s really nice and he’s not the kind that just wants sex its not just about sex its about having the feeling that someone really cares about me and that he thinks about me all the time feels good. we kissed but that was it we didnt do anything else and i’m sure i’ll see him again sometime plus we still talk online no matter what anyone says if your husband dont want sex he’s not gonna no matter what you do maybe months from now less or even longer it could change who knows but good luck and maybe you should tell the other guy how you feel and see what happens

Answer #2

Do what your heart says, do not repent at alater stage.

Answer #3

There is not problem in doing it. Monogamy is the ultimate proof of stupidity and against your natural behaviour as a human being. If he does not know he will not suffer, you will be happier and hence, if he loves you, he will be happier too. Everyone wins. Alternatively and like some people mention before obey your vows and be miserable. Now, don’t forget that you promise these vows within an institution that is fooling you, have never had any problem in killing others, etc… They do not have moral authority over you. Same thing apply to myself and to any other human being, none of us has moral authority over your decision. I wouldn’t hurt anyone (quite the opposite) but I would always chose to do what the animal on me wants to. Good luck.

Answer #4

first of all…think of ur children…how will u put over 14 years down the drain….if u really love ur husband u will make sacrifices no matter what….when u got married u were binded together to become one in the eyes of God..marriage is not something that u can just throw away in one day…this is a test of how much love u have for ur husband….these are thing one must go through to prove how much they love each other…did ur husband ask to be in the accident? i think not…has he done anything to deserve what u are thinking of doing? is sex more important than ur home with ur husband and childre? on the other hand, the guy u are attracted to is married for God;s sake…u will not only mess up ur home but also his home…think of how his wife will feel…think of how degrading and how much her self esteem and her hards years of work for keepibng there marriage alive will just go down the drain…what if u were the one in the accident..how would u feel if ur husband would just give p and cheat on u just for pleasure…think of what example u as a mother will be setting for ur children…if u have a daughter…how will u be able to guide her in the right ways if u urself are heading off bad…think before u react woman! don;t let sex be a reason to ruin ur home u two have built together…if u do u will be the just another cheating bastard!! i hate cheaters coz they ruined my brothers marriage! his wife didn;t desrve it…but it;s women like u who don;t think about the consequences! make the right choice!

Answer #5

You shouldn’t do it. Consider how he feels. You don’t know what he might be going through. He might feel very bad that he can’t make you happy. You married him because you love him right? So don’t let something like this overpower that love. Talk to him about your feelings. Tell him you really want to have sex again and discuss with him so options. Stay true to him and think about how hurt not only your husband would be, but your children as well. Think everything throught before you do anything you might regret. It might take a little more effort to make it work with your husband but it is worth it to stay true to him and your children and the sacred vow you took. I wish you luck and hope you make the right choice.

Answer #6

Hi, do you remember the vows you promised? That you would “keep thee only unto him” “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”? If he can’t keep his erection, he may not can help it. But maybe he could still please you. Could he do oral on you? Or maybe you think that is “taboo.” Well, it is fine, as long as you are clean. You should let him give you oral until you orgasm. You might find that helps your situation. Let me know if this advice helps at all.

Answer #7

If it’s just sex you want, get some porn and masturbate. Have your husband help you with the masturbation, oral sex whatever. If not do it in private. No one gets hurt, you’ll get the sexual relief you need, all are happy. He should be able to understand your needs, and should not think any less of you if he cannot perform. In turn, you should recognize that there are others involved if you decide to cheat. Cheating is a selfish alternative.

If you really can’t stand you marriage, get a divorce then seek other relationships. Why stay in a relationship while seeking another? The fear factor of being alone in case it doesn’t workout? Your not saving anyones feelings by staying together and cheating.

There is no shame in Masturbation, and fantasy. Some think masturbation is a sin, well what do you think God thinks of adultery and divorce? Hey people do it all the time. Try it.

Answer #8

Don’t do it. You are married, you’ve made a sacred vow to your husband and you have to obey it. All couples have their slumps. You can have fun with your husband without having sex. That’s not why you married him is it? If it is, you should seriously think about the commitment you made all those years ago and re-evaluate your marriage life. Besides, once u have sex with this man, you’ll keep wanting to go to him for some. Plus, your husband what would he think? Just because he can’t have sex with you he’s not worth your love? Do romantic things together, cuddle that type of thing. Love and Sex don’t go hand in hand. Besides, if u love him I’m sure he’ll try. Just ask, he’s your husband. Good Luck ^_^ P.S. You’d regret it if u did have sex with the butcher, eventually. Do you really want to be seen as a homewreaker from the wife’s point of view?

Answer #9

Perhaps I just don’t get it. We live in a strange society. For thousands of years, humankind has been screwing around on each other. We are simply hard wired to do it. You can repress your feelings, do it and feel guilty or do it and not feel guilty. I don’t feel guilty. If my wife was taking care of business at home I wouldn’t be having an affair. And that’s really what it is. The word “cheating” means you are getting away with something. If your spouse is not willing to take care of you in the bedroom and you go out to find satisfaction…how is that “cheating” the system? I say do it. You will at least get it out of your system. If your spouse leaves you then it wasn’t meant to be.

Answer #10

I agree with everyone.

Answer #11

my advice is, watch the movie UNFAITHFUL

Answer #12

Please dont do it, I am 16 and am in a family where my dad did and it has had the worst effect on us. I cannot trust men any longer and although my mum took him back there are stillmany problems between them. It has made my life hell and I wish that he never did it. Please think about your children and the effect it will probably have on them if they come to find out, and please dont do it xox

Answer #13

you should do it. everyone else cheats. why the hell not?

Answer #14

Don’t do it. u married him 4 who he is. how do u think he feels? he didnt ask to be in an accident. i would talk to him about going on viagra, sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk. he is ur husband, he should listen. threw sickness and in health tell death do us part. this isnt exactly and sick and well issue completely. you are soposed to be with him threw thick and thin. best of luck

Answer #15

DO NOT DO IT! KIDS ARE INVOLVED. I know it sounds cheezy but what would Jesus do?? If your husband ever found out OR YOUR KIDS!!! You would regret it for the rest of your life. And if you got pregnent??? What would you do then??? There would be no way to explain that one to your hubby??? Do not do it unless you want to destroy your life.

Answer #16

Listen I would fuck the shit out of that butch. I would suck his dick and I would sick on his face too! Fuck these people here, they have spouses that cheated on them and their stupid asses decided to stay because they are so goddam ugly that they knew that if they left they couldn’t do better. So sister, go fuck that butcher!

Answer #17

Amazing, I had an affair and it was the best thing I ever did. I lived in a sexless marraige, 25years worth, married at 21, never looked at another woman until bang, someone else came along. I had the bravery to have it out with my wife before I embarked on the affair because there were fundamental issues that were difficult to iron out. My wife had no sex drive, made life hard for me when I lost my job and I felt unwanted. I’m not a bad bloke, but sometimes things change. What we forget is that we are human but with instincts and drives that are fundamental to our existance and if ignored can cause incredible resentment and depression. I have now left my wife, mutually and in a friendly way and sad that it is, we have both had a chance to restart our lives. It doesn’t always end in misery. I know the killjoys out there will say that I am the exception, well I have proved my point, exceptions exist. Go for it, you are a long time dead.

Answer #18

Gee you have a lot of cowards giving advice on here. With so many of their partners cheating and them staying with them-thats not love more like co-dependence. Sometimes a relationship is supposed to end. You know it seems like your market share has gone up and his has gone down considerably. The problem is that as you continue to create fantasies about this other guy you might start developing feelings for him which will destroy your marriage. If you want to do the affair properly just have safe sex with him once and stop seeing him after that, its the emotional charge of the affair that is destructive. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about taking some medication/hysterectomy to reduce your sexual craving or start going to church if you are the guilty type. There’s always masturbation I guess.

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