Why am I having these thoughts?

This has happened to me … even more severely than what you described. I was literally in tears whenever I was alone. But when I was with others I put on a happy face, and soon found I was in fact feeling better.

With therapy and time it got better. I recommend anti-depressants, too.

it could be a hormonal imbalance. no im not saying you’re a terrible person no one can get along with, and that you’re not enjoyable to be around. Honestly, hormones can really bring down your health and your mood. me, and my mother, had always gotten pretty suicidal around that time of the month (and hormonal surges). She went to the doctor (did the same for me when it was MY turn to be pubescent) and they reigned in the hormones big time. Now, this can happen to everyone, of every gender, at any age. I highly suggest talking with a therapist and your doctor about this theory, and your thoughts as well. and remember, bad things are too weak to stay around forever. everything will always get better!!

well theres multiple ways to look at the situation, the ur brain might not be able to deal with the negative mental stimuli, or u could have problems with a chemical imbalance, but if ur looking to try and solve it talk to a psychologist (not a psychiatrist–try to avoid pills, alot of times they do more harm to the body than good), or since ur religious talk to a priest, maybe u can find salvation that way