Tell me what yu think..please

its good

I general idea & how it is expressed is good, but can be much better in my opinion. Expand your vocab & broaden your sense of symbolism perhaps. The lack of proper termoligy turns me off, but that’s how I am with my literature. I believe you can do better.not to sound ruse or discouraging

Oh A good Song I just thought of, you might enjoy it, it talks about love lost, though not quite in the same way. I believe it might muster up some inspiration perhaps. I doubt you’re a metal fan, so I’ll just give you the lyrics. But if you wish, lok up the fixed version on youtube. Cradle of Filth Nymphetamine(Overdose)

Evanescent like the scent of decay I was fading from the race When in despair, my darkest days Ran amok and forged her face From the fairest of handmaidens to A slick perverted wraith

Nymphetamine

Heaving midst narcissus On a maledict blanket of stars She was all three wishes Sx, sx, s*x

A lover hung on her death row I was hooked on her disease Highly strung like Cupid’s bow Whose arrows hungered meat And the blinding flare of passion In the shade of narrow streets Where their poison never rationed All the tips they left in me

Two tracks Bric-a-brac Something passed between us Like a bad crack Upward-lit I’d met another kind

Of rat In fact With every Rome inside me Licked and ransacked She haunted at the corners of my mind

In black Cataracts Wouldn’t whitewash away Her filthy smoke stack She burnt me like a furnace For my future suicide

Lead to the river Midsummer, I waved A ‘V’’ of black swans On with hope to the grave All through Red September With skies fire-paved I begged you appear Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul Untold was the pain I faced when you left me A rose in the rain So I swore to thy razor That never, enchained Would your dark nails of faith Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb I’m a prayer for your loneliness And would you ever soon Come above unto me? For once upon a time From the binds of your lowliness I could always find The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision In my heart, that barless prison Discolours all with tunnel vision Sunsetter Nymphetamine Sick and weak from my condition This lust, a vampyric addiction To her alone in full submission None better Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, nymphetamine Nymphetamine girl Nymphetamine, nymphetamine My nymphetamine girl

Wracked with your charm I am circled like prey Back in the forest Where whispers persuade More sugar trails More white lady laid Than pillars of salt

Fold to my arms Hold their mesmeric sway And dance her to the moon As we did in those golden days

Christening stars I remember the way We were needle and spoon Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb I’m a prayer for your loneliness And would you ever soon Come above unto me? For once upon a time From the binds of your holiness I could always find The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision In my heart, that barless prison Discolours all with tunnel vision Sunsetter Nymphetamine Sick and weak from my condition This lust, a vampyric addiction To her alone in full submission None better Nymphetamine

Sunsetter Nymphetamine (Nymphetamine) None better Nymphetamine

Two tracks Bric-a-brac Something passed between us Like a bad crack Upward-lit I’d met another kind

Of rat In fact With every Rome inside me Licked and ransacked She haunted at the corners of my mind

In black Cataracts Wouldn’t whitewash away Her filthy smoke stack She burnt me like a furnace For my future suicide