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My mother thinks that chris is controlling, i however think its perfectly reasonable to expect a clean house and a warm dinner when he comes home seeing as how i dont work and he does. It only seems fair to me. Just curious as to what others opinions are.
Turn it around - imagine you had the job that feeds the family and imagine he would be the one to stay at home. Would you want to have to cook and clean up when you come home after 8 to 10 hours of work?
On the other hand - housework is often invisible. I mean you wash everything, you clean everything and people just can't see how much work that is and how long it takes. I bet even you don't know for sure.
So try this maybe: Keep a journal, just for a week or two, where you meticulously note down what you do and when you do it - ad how long it takes you. Like "6:30 bring kids to school 30 minutes 7:00 clean kitchen 40 minutes 7:45 sort worn clothes & fill laundromat 30 min 8:20 check supplies and write list for shopping...
Don't forget the weekends. Then check how many hours week your husband works and spends on his way to and from work. This gives you the amount of personal spare time you both have. Compare.
You might find out that keeping your home and family OK is a 60-h per week job. Depends on what you two consider "OK". So if your hubby has a 50-h week it would actually be fair if he spends 5h per week on housework. Or if you two agree to re-define "OK".
If you have a small house, no garden and your kids help with the housework, then you might find out that you do a 30-h per weeks job. If that is the case, it would be fair you put more effort into it.
Both partners have to contribute; they don't always contribute in the same way but they should both do their part.
The traditional family had the husband as breadwinner and wife who ran the household.
in the 1970's most households had a single breadwinner and worked this way but since the 1980's most families have needed two breadwinners to get by.
The problem many wives face is that they work yet are still expected to run the household often with little or now help from their husbands.
Your mom probably came from the generation that fought against women being forced into rigid gender roles. It is the work of the feminists of her generation that gives women today the choices they enjoy. To you mom your choosing a traditional gender role may seem like a step backward since they fought to free women from it.
Basically, if you and your husband are happy with your arrangement it is none of your mom's bees wax.
idont think its reasonable at all, personally ill do what i want if i decide to spend the day cleaning or spend it lazing about its nothing to do with him, and tbh he wouldnt say anything either way.. as for dinner, im not his skivvy if ill make him his dinner if its something were all having otherwise he'll come home and make his own..im not his mother, and at the weekend he never makes my dinner..so why should i make his every night..
I think its very reasonable, if you're not working youve gotta do something with your time and if its not working then I suppose cleaning and cooking is the only option, if you didnt it would cause arguments in any relationship. Each partner in a relationship has got to put half the effort in, its only fair.
It's very reasonable. I was also a SAHM for awhile. There are times whenthe kids activities run a little long or on days when there are a lot of errands, it's equally acceptable to stop by McDonald's & the house may be a litte out of sorts, but that's reality.
It sounds reasonable to me. He is working for the money and you are working to keep your house clean and everbody fed. It is a fair trade off to me. My parents used to work like that, but now that my mother also works my father when he is home makes the food
Absolutely, I have done a womans role while laid off and boy did I wish it could stay like that, but were not living in the caveman days anymore, nowadays there's more equality, both go to work, both cook & clean, & both pay their share of the bills. X
I think so, I mean he's bringing in money and if the house isn't clean and dinner isn't made then that means that you haven't been doing ANYTHING to contribute to the house and that's not fair if you're sitting around all day while he's working.
i guess everyone does!i mean we can't expect him to come home after working for hours and then again to clean the house.but yeah if he's early or having a day off u also can expect some help sometimes.working together could be really fun too :)
I think it's reasonable....he works hard to bring home money to feed and shelter the family, so it only makes sense that you would keep the house clean and make dinner...it's a two-way street.
Im kind of a feminist and even I think its fair. Now, if you were working too it would be a different story. But what you describe sounds like a perfect balance.
Yeah. If he's working so should you? However, I have to wonder how this was phrased in that it makes your mother go 'controlling'.
well with my raiseing and my expences that is normal but on the weekends he should help and have a meal ready seams a little much
Seems fair to me. You both are working to keep the family going, just at different ends of it.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
i think its fair :)
E
yes I do think so.
