What can I do if my baby's father won't help in our child's care?

I’m not saying I’m even close to understanding how those women feel, although lately I feel as though I have no help and as though I’m single and raising my son. My fiance is a great dad, don’t get me wrong. I’m a stay at home mom right now, I lost my licence last summer for 2 DWI’s before I gt pregnant, and I sold my car. So I can’t drive, so I can’t work. My fiance works all day. He leaves at 5 in the morning and comes home at 7. That’s 12 hours. By the time he get’s home he’s so tired he doesn’t want to do anything. I am responsible for everything with me son. Everything. My fiance doesn’t help me at all once he’s home. I understand he works, but I work too, all day with my son. He’s a handful and it’s a lot of work taking care of him and running a household. I dont want to say anything because I’m afraid he will take it the wrong way. Even the days he is off (saturday and sunday), he still leaves all the baby stuff up to me. He doesn’t offer his help or try and help at all. He will play with Noah, but if he’s crying, needs to be feed, needs his diaper changed, needs a bath, etc. That’s my job. I feel alone in raising my son and I dont know how to bring this up to him. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Answer #1

awww… I feel your pain, my cousin is a teen parent and she’s sorta dealing with the same stress but worse, perhaps! - scince she noes less and is less experianced with handling children! my advice is to sit him down and talk to him nicely at dinner… if he’s not big on helping out with your son, perhaps he can take off your work load by helping aroud the house… by doing dishes or laundry! but he is a part of the family…right?… and if he is tell him you’d like him to experience the feeling of helping out as being a father… and that it’s not just playing around with your son, perhaps start of with something simple, like feedig the baby a bottle, you can even sit beside your fiance as he’s feeding the baby, and make him feel good by saying “awww, you look like a daddy” or “thanks for helping hon!” communication is key! if he dosen’t know the stress you’re going through throughout the day, he won’t know how to help you! if he loves and cares for ya, I’m sure he’ll help out! (:

hope things work out!

Answer #2

I rasied my son without his dad. My now ex-husband, took a job that kept him away up to 6days out of the week when he was home he layed on the couch and watched Sunday sports not saying much to me and NEVER enteracted with his son. I never said a word to him other than “ if you don’t want to be a part of your child as he grows then don’t you EVER try disciplining him”. And that is how it was. I took on a part time job as a afterschool tutor/caregiver once my son was in Kindergaden and my son was allowed to be with me afterschool. I never left my son with no one (including the grandparents) or allow anyone to babysit my son. I was and still am a VERY protective mommy, even now that my son is 18. I’m a very proud mom that will brag over my boy and I’m proud of myself that I rasied him without anyones help. My baby has been a A,B honor student since 3rd grade, after not being able to speak due to being tongue tied and he couldn’t hear other than mumured words. I refused to put tubes it my sons ears or have his tongue clipped and I worked with him for 2years therepy to stretch the skin under his tough so his could talk and kept my faith, that Jesus would touch my sons ears when it was time. The day my son started hearing clear he was 2years old. I’m a firm beliver that a woman is to care for the home,children,and to make sure that there is a cooked meal at night for her husband when he gets in from work. It is not his job or duty to make sure the kids take a bath, change diapers, help with homework, ect. that is our duty as a mommy and a REAL woman,.. even if you are working outside the home. So my advice is, tell him like I told my husband and if he don’t like it that is your que to tuffen up and be everything your son needs. My son loves the hell out of me and is VERY protective of me. Teachers had meetings we me throughout his school years to let me know I have rasied a GREAT kid/young man and should be VERY proud of him and that they only wish there were more parents like me. Good luck sweetie hope this helps you.

Answer #3

I understand exactly how you feel. My husband works from 9pm till around noon, when he comes home he eats and goes back to sleep. I am also a stay at home mom with 3 kids and I feel like a single mother at times. It’s hard to take care of your child and the house all day by yourself. When your significant other gets home sometimes you just want a little break but they’re too tired from work so all the responsibility still falls on you. You have every right to feel this way…I have been feeling like this for 7 years. Talking to my husband has not helped…nothing seems to help. Try to rely on other people (your parents, his parents, friends) to give you a break once in a while. And as hard as it is try to support him…in return maybe he’ll try to help out more. You can also try talking to him, maybe ask him if at least one day a week he can give you an hour to yourself…it really will help. My husband thankfully has off on weekends so we try to get some special family time in then.

Don’t be so hard on yourself…being a mother is not easy and wanting a little bit of help is ok.

Answer #4

Thats the problem, isn’t it… finding the balance. weather it be both parents working part time, one full and one at home, taking into account daycare etc. with you not being able to work, he’ll be feeling huge pressure to provide a secure income for the family, and it sounds like it’s taking it’s toll on both of you. You’re not wrong at all for feeling that way, after all it’s his child to. I wouldn’t have a clue how to bring it up, as I don’t know him. perhaps carefully? It’s not fair that ether you or him do all of the messy work, but keep in mind that hes waking up at 4 in the morning and getting home at 7. when I work a day like that I certainly don’t feel like changing nappy’s.(im NOT saying that its OK for you do be doing it all!)

I suggest having a frank conversation with him and tell him how you feel. I don’t know him or you, so I don’t know if that will be possible. And just remember, it wont be forever.

good luck. x.

Answer #5


Answer #6

Ok well leaving him a note saying “Help with YOUR child” would not work in this situation and be completely rude. He doesn’t deserve that. Like I said, he’s a great father, he just works a lot and is tired when he get’s home. I guess this is normal. It’s hard to find that balance.

Answer #7

No that how everyone mom feels the first time they have a kid trust me my mom told me all about it just let it go for a little while then mention him and maybe say if he could get different hours or something I don’t know ok hope it helps…

Answer #8

My wife and I were in a similar situation. Fortunatly I realized what I was doing. We would get into fights and I would unfortunatly play the hard working husband card. It wasnt until one day I was stuck inside the warehouse at my job with nothing to do that I called my wife and appologized for what I did. Sorry I cant help, I just felt I needed to say that. Your husband sounds like a great guy, just needs to understand his role a bit better. For me it wasnt untill my wife got sick that I understood just how hard it was to take care of a child and spouse.

Answer #9

No, your not wrong for feeling that way at all. I recommend just asking him to talk, and just explain how you feel, or if you feel he won’t listen, try writing him a note.. Let it all out, with a note he can’t interrupt you or not let you finish..I did that with my exboyfriemd, he never helped with his baby from a previous realationship, and he was a heavy drinker, he would come home from work and then get a couple beers and watch tv! One day I left a note taped to his daily liquor and when he went to get it that day he found my letter, it said, “Shouldnt you help with YOUR baby?” ya know? It worked great, so try that!

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