How to deal with my daughter and her loser boyfriend?

My daughter had everything going for her, career, great life, etc. and then she ended up with a loser boyfriend that I hate and she has given up on all of her goals & dreams. How does one deal with that??? It's like your watching from behind glass and in the far distance there’s the cute rabbit in the field and in the distance you can see the wolf creeping ever closer and your yelling and yelling but the rabbit can't hear you, all the other ones run except for the one rabbit and steadily the wolf creeps until there is no where for the rabbit to go and then the wolf devours the stupid rabbit, until nothing is left and moves one and just leaves destruction behind! When you can see it coming but nothing you say will change it, how does one get the wolf to leave???

17 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 17

dont call him a loser! hes someones baby too...just because hes different than her doesnt mean hes bad for her. my boyfriend was failing all his classes and had a million issues, but he was so sweet to me. opposites attract. science lesson for ya. just let her do what she wants.


ANSWER #2 of 17

you will need to tell us the real issues here before we can help you. why is this guy a loser? why do you have a problem with him dating your daughter? is your daughter happy with the relationship?

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ANSWER #3 of 17

As parents we know a loser when we see one; just wish my daughter could see this..She is in college and cannot keep her grades up for chasing after him. I forbade her to let him drive the new jeep I bought for her to use for school and her part time job. I found out he has been driving the vehicle with no drivers license no less. She thinks this is okay. He hangs around my house while I am at work, eating all of my food and using up everything. I told her I was only responsible to take care of her not him. You folks are right...the more I say about him the more she wants him. He is ruining her life. It is so hard to stand by and watch. What can you do?

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ANSWER #4 of 17

All you can do is voice your concerns - either in a heart-to-heart talk or organize your thoughts/reasons/fears and put them in a letter, but you must ensure she knows - then trust her to use her best judgement...I wish you the best !!

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ANSWER #5 of 17

When I was a senior in high school I was dating a guy that my parents did not approve of. He was horrible to me, but no matter what my parents said I wouldn't break up with him. I just felt I needed a boyfriend. Thank goodness, I went to college and met my now husband and fell head over heels and realized I deserve better. I apoligized to my parents because I really think that parents can see better than anyone who is good for your child. My whole family loves my husband now and while I do regret dating the loser, I know that no matter what my parents said I wouldn't dump him, it was like I was ina trance, as wierd as that sounds.

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ANSWER #6 of 17

My daughter's boyfriend: 30 year old Mama's boy who lives at home, works a part-time deadend job, no education, 10 years older than my daughter, subtly manipulative, enjoys his responsibility-free lifestyle.

My daughter: talented and driven UNTIL she met this loser. Now she's quit school and has put her dreams on hold.

Here's the kicker, she recognizes his faults! She's voiced her concerns over them. But the fact that he continues to treat her well (what else does he have to do with his time?) causes her to overlook what everyone around her sees. Knowing that saying something would just drive her closer to him I tried to hold it in but I just couldn't - I flat out don't like the guy. Now I'm just waiting for her to get sick of his excuses (why he doesn't get a job, why he doesn't move out, etc) but it's hard to look at this guy who I have so little respect for. It would be easier if she didn't live at home and bring the loser over every week.

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ANSWER #7 of 17

it is so painful watching my daughter go thru the ups and downs of her loser boyfriend - it causes me much agony and I cry about it frequently. she is addicted to his manipulative, sociopathic traits. she's in her last year of college and I've watch what was a smart, beautiful young lady's self esteem get chipped away. we're here when she needs a shoulder to cry on (the latest episode she didn't even admit to the loseer that she came home to vent) but still not ready to break away. he's dropping hints that he doesn't want her to do certain adventures and blaming her lack of self esteem (which HE eroded) to be the reason - this is because HE can do no wrong and waiting for HER to break up with him (but she's still addicted). thankfully, she still confides much to my husband... I tend to loose my patience with her inability to tell him to 'take a hike'. I know there will be lots of emotional damage to heal when he's out of her life and can't wait for this to happen. if there's anyone out there can offer advice on how we can expedite this breakup ... p l e a s e respond. forever grateful

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ANSWER #8 of 17

Help I am a mom and love our daughter who is 20 and in college but lives at home still due to this economy. She has been dating a marine off and on and my husband and I really feel he is using her for benefits and because he spends all his money and we provide meals and he will stay over from time to time. He owes us money as well. He tells her things like he still wants to marry her,etc. and we like him mostly but feel when he gets out he is going to go back home and break her heart again. When they first met everything happened so fast,promise rings,etc., then he came back from Iraq and he just wasn't the same.I know parents should stay out of this but he lived with us for awhile before he served in Iraq and we all got very close. His family life wasn't a stable one as ours is so we feel he feels very comfortable with us and confused which way to go...he turned 21 this year. So should I shut up and just hope she eventually breaks away from this crazy relationship and just support her when she wants to talk? Most of the time he wants to be with her but now he is at the Marine Corp Ball in Vegas and hasn't even texted her once. So much more to say but this is enough for now..help..I have been married for 30 years and don't understand why relationships/friendships like this happen? We know she loves him dearly but isn't enough,enough? It's very wierd for us...

ill show you mine if you show me yours
ANSWER #9 of 17

coming from someone who chosed a lot of loser boyfriends when I was younger, if you fight her on this it will only make it worse. The only thing it does is seperate you from her. You should encourage her to keep going with the good things in her life and hopefully she will make the right choice for her self sooner as oppose to later. If they are meant to be together, he will change for the better, or she will leave him and find someone else. If she is young it is not likely she will stay with him forever. I know it is hard to sit back and watch her make the mistake, but keep supporting her and trust she will make the right decision

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ANSWER #10 of 17

we also have a similar situation except he is nearly five years older than her.we did not approve of such an age difference so she hid the relationship from her dad and I for over a year until she became pregnant.she had a miscarriage two months along.she is a bright girl and will be going to college soon,at least that is the plan.he on the other hand dropped out in 8th grade,also he can't read very well and therefor doesn't even have his drivers license she drives him everywhere and bends over backwards to make him happy.someone told me he cheated on her a couple months ago.how is a mother to react?she wants to move in with him as it is in the same town as the college and we live more than a half hour away from the college.I have taken to calling him a loser ,I wish she could see she deserves better,but they are in love.any advice out there for me?

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ANSWER #11 of 17

We are going thru the same situation. This is not an answer , but a cry for help!
Her boyfriend does not work or goes to school, does drugs( we have seen him)is drunk all the time. Has a horrible appearance and gang tatoos everywhere. Calls her names, has cheated on her numerous time and the last we heard he got physical with her.He has also been in jail numerous times. They were broken up for a few months and we were really happy until last week when they got together again. She will not listen to anyone, what do we do???


ANSWER #12 of 17

blackhorse92 - a mother knows best and coming from a mother having the same issues, when a boyfriend ruins your daughters life, keeps her from her dreams and goals you're damn right a mother has a right to call him a loser!! becasue that's probably what he is!

Like veryone lese said, all we can do is be there for them and hope one day they wake up.


ANSWER #13 of 17

I have a 21 year old daughter who failed out of two colleges. Thankfully I only paid for year one and refused to put any money into college #2. Her boyfriend is 26, never had a job for more then a couple of months, has been unemployed for more then a year, and has no home. Last year he used my horse trailer as an apartment without my knowledge. Currently his grandmother is letting him sleep at her house and my daughter is spending all of her days and nights there and only comes home to change clothes and shower. She does have a full time job at a fastfood place so she makes very little money and it drived me crazy that she spends it on him. In order to not spend everyday in an emotional mess I have had to distance myself and practice tough love by letting her deal with the consequences of her choices. That is upsetting my husband. I keep explaining to him that I cannot do anything about her life choices so I am just getting on with my life. When the time comes that she needs me to help clean up her life I will be there for her. I have informed her that he is only her boyfriend and that does not make him part of my life but that I love her and will always be there for her. She's a smart girl and I hope she eventually comes to her senses. Until then if she wants to be an adult then I will respect that ant treat her as one. That doesn't always make her happy but that's what being an adult is.


ANSWER #14 of 17

This situation is so hard on parents. My daughter's boyfriend was extremely disrepectful to me and she still wants to be with him. The only advice I can give others is that the more you "bad mouth" him, the better he looks to your daughter. Pointing out things in a respectful, timely manner is a different matter. My Daughter is in college, so I feel fairly confident that she will out-grow him eventually. She is 22 and he is 23 so even if I was crazy about him, the odds of their ending up together is slim. Also keep in mind that they are generally not picking these creeps to hurt you. They are experimenting and growing and they just want to be able to make their own mistakes. It's part of them becoming independent.


ANSWER #15 of 17

you cant... you can state your case and that's about it...
after that, if you continue to push you will push her away, and then even if she wants to leave him she might not because that would prove you right (yeah kids are weird) or she may want to but not have anyone to turn to...
think about it...


ANSWER #16 of 17

I have a 20 years old daughter and her boyfriend is 24, still married, has a 2 yr old son(when he has his son, my daughter is the one that takes care of him, for instance changes his diapers, etc.), and they my daughter and her boyfriend live with my fiancee and me. They lost their place the week before Christmas. My daughter was working 2 jobs to support them, He just got a job but he brags all the time how he is going to be the next supervisor, he is controlling, what ever he says she goes along with it, he puts her down and he assumes he can do whatever he wants to do, he also assumes that he can take my care anytime he wants and if I dont let him he whines and cares on like a 2 yr old and she always makes excuses for him. If we kick him out I know she will go with him. They actually dont have anywhere else to live (his parents wont let them live with them) and cant afford their own place. How do I get her to see he is not good for her?


ANSWER #17 of 17

Oh, my goodness! So thankful to dr.mack201@gmail.com for bringing my ex lover...and now I enjoying my relationship


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