How do i deal with my boyfriend's daughter's manipulative behavior?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together. He has a 4 yr old daughter that I love. She loves me but always has to have her dad's attention. If he is sitting with me on the couch, she jumps on his lap. If he is leaving, he'll kiss her goodbye, when he kisses me goodbye she yells EWWW (normal for a kid). If we are talking, she says "daddy, daddy, look" he'll say "what" and she will have nothing for him to look at so she'll make something up really quick. She's so jealous of our relationship and he doesn't see it at all. He thinks that I'm the one whose jealous. I am a little bit jealous but only because I feel left out. He will as her (a 4 yr old) where she wants to go eat or what she wants to do, then he will tell her to ask me if I want to go with when I'm sitting in the same room as them and can hear the whole conversation. She's 4, him and I should be talking about what we are ALL going to do or where we are going to eat then going there, that's the decision of the adults. Before even talking to me about it, he'll ask her if she wants to go somewhere (in front of me) and then if I don't want to go, they will go without me. It's like they are together in their own world and I'm just an outsider and it doesn't matter if I'm there or not. He is so attentive to me when she's not there but the moment she arrives, it's all about her and I don't exist. I understand that he misses his daughter and I thought that this behavior would pass but it's only getting worse. She will now go as far as trying to sit between us or constantly doing things to get his attention away from me, if she sees us doing something together, she will make sure she stops it. How can I get her to stop this behavior? I can't get the help of my boyfriend because he's too busy wearing his blinders. To top it all off, he feels really guilty and trys extra hard to entertain her this time because supposidly she told her BM that she doesn't want to come here because we "spank" her and are too "strict" on her, we NEVER spank that child! Some advice PLEASE!!!

9 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 9

Tell him that he needs to start talking to you more about that kinda thing. You and he should decide where y'all are going to eat and then y'all tell the 4 year old where you are going. He shouldn't be letting her make all of the decisions like that. She is too young for all of that.


ANSWER #2 of 9

when he ask her what she wants to do,YOU make a suggestion.like if he says"where do you want to go" you dont wait for her to answer you say somethinglike,"I think we should go to [insert local food place here]" fight fire with fire.even with a 4 year old. hope this helps

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ANSWER #3 of 9

uve gotta talk to your boyfriend about this. tell him what is going on and how its affecting your relationship. if he really cares then he will try to set up a compromise between you and his daughter.

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ANSWER #4 of 9

I didn't have to read all of what you said...
But all little girls seem to be attached to her father..
She gets his attention so she knows he is still there for her..
Her real mother probably treated her like crap.. Yelled at her, Did not pay attention.. ETC... Of course I don't wanna offend anyone if I'm wrong about her Biological mother..
It was just my guess...
I have a little sister though that is four, and my other little sister is three..
The four year old is always attached to her Dad, which in this case is my step father..
Yet both the three year old and four year old girls are very attached to myself as their brother..
In conclusion she just seeks for attention, and is so stuck on dad because she feels that he is the only one there for her that's left..

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ANSWER #5 of 9

You gatta understand that she is yung and that she just meaby feels bad about all this, she may be feeling that you are going to take away her dad from her, Just let her be and when the times keeps going on she will see how everything is going on she will understand the whole concept... She just dosent want to loose her dad and wants to hvae him whit him too.

Has he not given much attencion to her or something?

GOOD LUCK:)

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ANSWER #6 of 9

Hmmm, she is a child of a broken relationship.
Do you give her any attention that's positive? At all.
She sounds insecure like maybe she thinks you took her dad from her mum, she may be telling tales to mum so that mum tells dad, and dad kicks you. She wants mum and dad to be together.
My sister did all of that stuff when my parents split. It drove everyone nuts.
she needs to be sat down and told that she should respect you, and asked why she thinks mum and dad are not together, and reassured.

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ANSWER #7 of 9

He gives her a lot of attention and that's what she is used to, if she isn't getting his attention, she will find a way to get it. It just irratates me because she's always done it for as long as I can remember and he just feeds into it.

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ANSWER #8 of 9

Well, if he's not with you on it then there's nothing you can really do. It's his daughter and she will only listen to him. If he doesn't stop it no one will be able to.

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ANSWER #9 of 9

I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend and his daughter...only I havent met her yet but when she know he is with me she tries to cry and make scenes to make him bring her with him or change his plans and make it all about her. I actually told him that I would've disliked him bringing her today as he agreed that 1 weekend would be with me and the other with his daughter with no interruptions.
ideally if the man is intelligent you can talk to him about it and he will understand and try to make other arrangement but generrally they just want their daughters to love them as they are not the ones who punish them and educate them as the biological mothers do so they let them run wild!!!

try what am going to do...

leave them on their own when they are together and you make other plans...

then when you have him to yourself enjoy it and forget the kid.

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