My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion..sort of

ok. I just found out that I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am in total disbelief because my doctor told me that It would be extremely difficult for me to get pregnant and that I would have to really try to conceive. This being said we didn’t really worry about it so much. I had just taken out my birth control to have my period and bam. Now I am faced with the toughest decision I will ever have to make. I want to keep it. We really aren’t financially stable at all but we have time as far as I’m concerned. Life wouldn’t be impossible just different. But he wants me to abort immediately. Not because he doesn’t want kids or doesn’t care about how I feel, but he feels that he wouldn’t be able to provide the life for this baby he would want it to have. He was crying with me and very upset. He said he doesn’t want to have the abortion, that he hates pressuring me because I have strong religious beliefs about this and he feels horrible. He says that either way we lose.

What am I supposed to do? He is an asshole, that’s how he copes, so he also says things like: “if you have this you’re on your own” “your going to ruin both of our lives”

Then sometimes: “that’s my baby I’m going to take care of it” “I don’t want to smoke near you” “I love you, you can’t leave with my baby”

Things like this create absolute confusion on my part. Will someone please tell me why he is like this? What should I do? What do you think he will really do?

help! time is of the essence!

Answer #1

keep it the baby is yours.

Answer #2

About “guilt” I don’t know all your religious views etc. But you may not feel as much guilt as you fear. I have had 2 abortions - first one I was so young and I couldn’t cope. 2nd one my boyfriend “made me”, although of course my decision in the end. I felt sad, the first one I felt so much loss and grief, but not guilt and not regret. It can still be the right decision overall, even though it’s so sad. The 2nd one is more recent so I’ll tell you about that. I felt so unhappy about doing it, I really wanted the baby no matter what. I couldn’t imagine going through with the abortion. When I got to the room I cried and ran away down the hallway. They made me talk to a counsellor on site. Then I made the decision more calmly. I imagined meeting someone else in the future who would want to have kids with me. I wanted to be free from my boyfriend who had basically rejected me along with rejecting our child. Now I don’t regret it, although I feel sad and angry with my boyfriend. Just because you feel sad and reluctant doesn’t mean overall it’s the wrong decision. good luck to anyone in this situation

Answer #3

OMG,am in the same boat,am 6 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend is totally sending mixed signals.One day he says if I decide to keep it,he’ll take off, the next he’s like making sure I eat right and asking if am ok,or if there’s anything he can do to make me comfortable;promising me he’ll always be by my side.Then there’s a day we had a bitter cry together.He’s not an bad guy,he does love me and cares for our baby but because we are still in college and both of us dont have jobs(Its impossible to find jobs in Romania),he thinks it will b impossible to raise it.To make it even harder,we are an interracial couple(am Kenyan and he’s Romanian) and his family hasnt bn so enthusiastic abt him dating a black girl,so telling them am pregnant will start world war 3 am sure.I’m studying in Romania,so telling my mum this over the phone will be so hard.She had me when she was barely 18 and now she’s struggling to make ends meet and a divorcee,she’ll probably think I’ll end up like her.Am so confused and scared.I have friends but nobody I trust well enough to divulge this secret to.I know if I go along with the abortion I will regret it for the rest of my life and probably suffer major depression,but if I choose to keep it,am so gonna be on my own,and seeing my child suffer because of me will break my heart into pieces.Right now am thinking if I go on with the procedure,I hope I die in the process,because either way my life is ruined.

Answer #4

I had a baby at 18, and my boyfriend cheated on me a month before she was born and decided he didn’t want it. And of course, I was still in high school so I wasn’t financially stable at all. Yet here I am with my 2 year old daughter making it through life one day at a time. Giving your child a chance to live a good life is better than nothing. And my friend got an abortion 7 years ago and she regrets it to this day. It isn’t as easy as some people make it sound.

Answer #5

u going thru something im going thru and I know its hard I just dont talk about it with him anymore because eventually he will realize he have a baby on the way and we have a lil time to do what it takes and save up and get ready now im 5 wks and he still doesnt want it because we arent finacially stable either but I will be in a week or so so girl just pray god will help you find your decision dont have a abortion but its your decision and just my opinion!

Answer #6

Adoption is always a choice. If you truly cannot care for the child, you could always place it in the hands of a very loving family who wants a child. Best wishes, girlie!

Answer #7

He’s obviously torn between wanting to have this baby and being able to have this baby.

It’s quite normal to be afraid and concerned that you won’t be able to provide for your child, but many people manage quite well despite the odds.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way…it may be tough to raise this baby, but if you want to do it, then it can be done. Look for resources in your area…there’s always some organization willing to help out.

If you don’t want to abort this baby and you do it, you’ll never forgive yourself for it.

Give a child a chance.

Answer #8

even if you decide that you can’t riase the child, I think you should go ahead with it. I agree with the above advice. giving birth and rasing a child is scary. even for people that are married. young and old. but taking a life, is even scarier. you can’t fix that mistake, it will hand forbodingly over your head forever. if you mess up raisning a child, you can always try soimething different. and you can also , if you feel you absolutely cannot raise him/her, put the child up for adoption. a lot of woman in the world want children and can’t. remeber that.

Answer #9

you said yourself he’s an asshole, so why listen to him??? It sounds like you are honestly wanting to keep this baby. And the only reason you’re hesitating is because this boy is corrupting your decision by saying no way. And, if you have an abortion, you’ll be kicking yourself so a long time, and you’ll never forget because you’ll always be thinking: what if… It’s not that I;m for nor against abortion. if a personal choice. I only say don’t because it sounds like you know dee down you want this baby. hope this helps.

Answer #10

just remember that whatever you choose to do YOU will live with it more than he will cause and if you have strong religious beliefs then you may not be able to get over it. You will always remember the baby you don’t have and then what if you can never concieve again? How would you live with that? If you get an abortion will you be able to live with the guilt the rest of your life?

Answer #11

Having children is a life changing experience and things will definatly never be the same again. He is caught between head and heart. This is a massive life choice and he mustn’t feel ready to be a father just yet. I’m guesing you are wanting to keep this baby so I can unerstand how hard it must be.

Abortion is truely your own decision. I wont say “do it” or even “don’t do it”. It’s your child and your choice. Nobody can sway that decision. Simple as. Go with your heart and your gut feeling, that is all I can say.

No matter what the decision I think you should leave your boyfreind. Threatening to leave his girlfreind with his baby inside of her is a cowardly exit and if you were to stay together and conceieve later in life I can not imagine a man who says things like that being a good father( or a good boyfreind).

Talk to someone else about the situation. A relative, mum, dad or even a friend. Ask them to offer PERSONAL advice as sometimes you need a point of view from someone who is involved in the situation ( as well as people totally un-involved likes us).

Good luck, be strong and make YOUR OWN DECISION.

Answer #12

I think you should keep the baby because having an abortion is like committing murder! The baby is a live inside of you. His or her heart is beating right now. It sounds like you really want to keep the baby. So have the baby. If you can’t afford it, then there is always adoption. Rather the baby be alive and well with someone else (IF YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF HIM/HER) then have the baby dead. Have you ever seen ‘pictures from after an abortion? It is not pleasant. I had to write an essay on this subject and why I think it’s wrong, so I looked up abortion on google images and I couldn’t bare it. It was horrible. I couldn’t stop crying because that baby was alive and is now dead.This could have been prevented. Also, if you said that the father is an asshole and he keeps saying if you have this baby, then im leaving. It sounds like he doesn’t love you at all. But then again, he keeps saying if will stick around because it is his baby. It’s a tuff decision, that YOU the MOTHER should make, not him. not anyone. not me. ONLY YOURSELF!! stick to YOUR GUT and what YOU want to do.

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