What if my boyfriend wants me to get an abortion?

I’m 4 weeks prego and my boyfriend wants me to get an abortion… he keeps making me feel bad like its my fault I’m pregnant or something… I’m only 18 and hes 19 and he feels we cant make it financially . the tells me that hes not ready for a child yet… I don’t want an abortion but I don’t want to ruin his life either, we’re still very young…he said no matter what decision I make he’ll be there, but I know what he truly wants me to do… would would you do in this situation??

Answer #1

im in the same boat…im 19 and my boyfriend of 7 months is 23…I found out I was 5 weeks preggo…and he doesnt want to keep it…his brother whos 21 and his girlfriend whos 20 have just had a baby…and they are so happy(hers wasnt planned either)…but my boyfriend is trying to change my mind for me by saying things like “your so young” and “im not ready to be a dad” and “think of all the fun things you wiont be able to do”…personally I think because his brothers had a baby that he has to be the sumwhat beeter child and try to win his parents over…or he just doesnt want to grow up and keep buying his lego models and stuff…I’ve read that the heart starts to beat in week 5…there is a life growing inside me that has a hear…and its mine…and im feeding it…and I cant kill it…so I know how you feel :(

Answer #2

Okay, first, you won’t be “ruining” anyone’s life. If takes two people to have sex. A lot of people want children, try putting it up for adoption if you don’t want it. Also, I would lose the boyfriend.

Answer #3

hey he is just as much at fault as you are.But you need to do what’s right for you.This is a decision that you have to live with the rest of your life.Only you can make it.

Answer #4

im 15 and i think you should keep the baby and if he really loves you he will stick with you and help you out belive me you will regret an abortion. i have a baby and shes the best thing thats ever happened to me

Answer #5

I am in the same situation. I am 29 years old, my boyfriend is 33, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend of 11 months wants me to have an abortion because he doesn’t think the timing is right. We are both working on our bachelor’s degrees, going to school full time and working full time. I know the timing isn’t the best but I knew when I had my ultrasound last week and saw the heartbeat that there is no way that I could have an abortion. My friends and family are very supportive. I hope my boyfriend will come around but if not I am confident that I am doing the right thing by having this baby.

Answer #6

well you are grown up now…! be responsible. what exactly do you want to do.. its really up to you.. not him… well at least he said that he’ll support you regardless on your decision… well you have a very short period of time to make a decision… remember its really your decision.. so make up your mind..

Answer #7

im in the same situation. im only 17 and my boyfriend has just turned 18 and started going out clubbing with his friends all the time etc. he doesnt have a job & im working part time. I feel that I am ready for a baby but because we have only been together four months and because he doesnt have a job, he feels that we arent ready. he says he will be there no matter what but he always changes the subject when I try and talk to him about it. he thinks that his parents wont want him living with them and says that having a baby would ruin his life. I was so sure that I wanted this baby but he has made me doubt myself a lot. I dont know if I can live with the regret of an abortion.. I feel so alone. please help me :(

Answer #8

When I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant I was so happy for three days. My boyfriend said he wanted it too. Then he changed his mind and asked me to have an abortion. He said having a child would “ruin his life”, he felt “paralysed with fear” at the thought of it. He said the guilt of not wanting his own child would drive him to alcoholism or suicide.

So when I realised he was not supportive, I considered leaving him and raising the child as a single mum. When I told him I was thinking of that, he said that too would “ruin his life”, as he would be “destroyed” by the guilt that he was absent for his child.

He only wanted the abortion and would not consider anything else, even though I said many times I wanted to have the baby, with him or without him.

Finally I decided to have an abortion, but only after I realised that if he didn’t want to accept our child, I didn’t want to stick with him. It was 1 week ago. I was 9 weeks pregnant in the end - I took some time to be sure, and had general anaesthetic. The day I went I was so sad, I couldn’t do it at first. Then I talked to a counsellor (on site), and calmed down, and realised that I needed to break my ties with my boyfriend and be free of him so I could move on. In the end, I wanted to be able to move on from my life without having to bring up his child, without being tied to him and possibly knowing I had ruined his life for him. It took away the joy of having the baby.

Even though I thought he was the love of my life (and he said I was), it did not turn out that way. But life goes on and

Hopefully I will meet someone else who wants to be with me and raise a family. If I never meet anyone else, if I want my own baby in the future I can try to adopt a baby that had already been born, or use IVF which although it seems unnatural at least those men want to help create a life. That’s the opposite of my boyfriend who absolutely did not want our child to be alive.

I felt so angry with him for a while. But now I feel alternating forgiveness and love for him, with anger. It’s confusing. Sometimes I feel so angry I never want to see him again, other times I feel no anger, only forgiveness.

Overall I think the abortion was the right decision for me. Before I felt so bonded with my baby, and only wanted to protect it. But after having the abortion (I used general anaesthetic as the least traumatic) I didn’t feel pregnant any more. I actually felt relieved and free.

So me and my boyfriend are now having a trial separation. If he didn’t want our baby it meant he didn’t want me, as far as I was concerned. So I left him.

It may be that if you have the baby you’ll lose him. But you may decide to leave him anyway. Better to find out now what the relationship is about so you can move on and meet someone who really wants to be with you. You’re worth more than that.

Tell your mum, tell a few close female friends, don’t do it alone or just you and him. Also talk to a counsellor if you can, it’s free from bpas if you’re in UK.

Sorry for such a long post. Good luck to anyone in this situation. Take your time and you’ll know what’s right for you.

Answer #9

Follow your heart, and hopefully your boyfriend will follow you.

good luck

Answer #10

Im a 24 year old who works at night and also model. I havent been on birth control since I was 18 and had 3 boyfriends within that time frame and we always had unprotected sex and I’ve never been pregnant with them. Well over this past summer I met a guy and he was the most sweet non tattoed, had a steady good job all the qualities my mom and dad would have liked me to be with basically. Well after 3 months I decided to get back with my ex. Well it ended up not working out and I started talking again with the guy 2 months ago now. Weve been having sex and now I am 6 weeks pregnant. He is 26. He thinks we are not ready and very firmly thinks I should quickly as possible take the abortion pill. I see his side that we are very young and have not known each other that long and that bringing up a baby into this world would be worse than terminating it. Im so torn because as though I understand whole heartedly his side. I have this weird gut feeling I should keep it. I feel as though theyre less fortunate people in this world who have it a lot worse than him and I. We both have amazing and very financially well families. I know they would be there for us. Only one day has passed since weve found out and last night while we were sleeping he kept waking me up saying things like “crap” out loud and “S—!” It would wake me up and I would be like “whats the matter baby?” And he would reply “im not ready for a kid” It almost makes me feel bad about wanting to keep it. I’ve told 4 of my girlfriends and my stepmom they all have mixed feeling but all agree that Ryan would be there no matter what and he is one of the best guys theyve seen me with. But I know deep down in my heart having the baby is the responsible and right thing to do. I feel as though god has sent me this gift with Ryan and not my other boyfriends for a reason. And it only took 3 weeks after reconnecting with him to get pregnant. I want us to make this decision together because it is both of our child. But I also dont want to rush the decision either. I just need some guidance and thoughts I think. Thank you for hearing me out.

Answer #11

Im 21 and my boyfriend is 20 im in the same boat although he already has a 2 year old from someone else. he says hes not ready 4 another child and I want my baby this is my 1st pregnancy and I want to see it thru. I know a relationship cannot possibly be the same after taking a life. I keep telling him im going to get it but im not his mom wants me to have the baby my sister and best friend say theyll be here for me either way. but I havent told my mom yet and im scared im doubt she will kick me out but I didnt realize this many women went thru this.

Us women have to do whats right for us yes it may be hard raising a child alone however you cannot sacrifice or make adjustments to better suit your other halfs life. I mean we already probably have sacrificed a lot. If he loves you as much as he says he does he will man up and get things together.

To all you other pregnant women out there. Stay happy and dont stress there are OTHER women out here like you. BE HAPPY YOUR PREGNANT AND BLESSED!

Answer #12

I can relate with you. I’m 20 and just found out I’m 8 weeks. My boyfriend is 34 he is pissed because we are not set up financialy. He wants an abortion but cares like your boyfriend. Truly what has helped us is our family and friends being supportive. That way he knows people will back him and us in helping raise this child so we will be able to do things and be some what financially stable if we need to . Talk to the ones who love you.Don’t pressure him just have the baby. A baby can or canot be expensive there are ways to make it a cheaper and happier experience.

Answer #13

I know the feeling me and my boyfriend of one month are both 23years old. we just found out I’m 3 weeks pregnant he says we have 2 get an abortion because we cant handle it and there is no other way that we are just putting it on pause we can have a baby later on and that its just a cluster of cells nothing special…I dont want the abortion but I cant bring myself 2 say no and stick 2 it I love him and dont want 2 lose him but I dont want 2 kill our baby either..I have an appiontment friday 4 the abortion pill…I’m scared giulty and lonely…

signed dying inside

Answer #14

I had an abortion 6 months ago because my boyfriend of 4 years convinced me to. He made promises like we would get engaged and stay together forever but all that happened was I had the abortion and we broke up. I regret that abortion to this day. and now I think im pregnant again and he wants me to get an abortion again. And I dont want to and he is making me feel really bad about it. but im not getting it done. do what your heart tells you. I regret getting that abortion to this day and trust me making your boyfriend happy is not worth a lifetime of regret.

Answer #15

I am in the same situation. My boyfriend has a child already and he also takes care of his ex- girlfriends first child along with his child. I have been in this situation three times in the past and I choose to terminate my pregnancies. I really was excited about this baby. But after his negative comments and constantly trying to convince me not to have this baby Im getting more and more confused. Im very depressed about it. Its unfourtnate that women have to go through situations like this. I honestly think I will go through with it, and get rid of him & find someone who loves me for me…

Answer #16

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 18. I am in the same boat. While he is not looking at the situation like your boyfriend is, he wants me to get an abortion. He wants it not because of the financial situation but because he is not ready for the responsibility of a child. He feels it will ruin his life. I however am ready for this child. We say we love each other very much and want to get married, we have been offered a house and support. The only reason I am considering is because I love him and I fear forcing him into something he isnt ready for will break us apart. what should I do?

Answer #17

Think about wat u want, you still have time to make a choice, he has had his opinion, now speak to your family and friends and get theirs. If you feel you want this child then have it, but if you truly feel you are not ready then have the abortion.

Answer #18

I’m 21 and my boyfriend of one year is 22 I have a daughter from a previous marrige and am now pregnant. And he is insisting I get an abortaion. He says if I don’t do it he’ll leave me! I do not believe in abortion and no if I do it I’ll never forgive myself! But he is always saying hurtful things to me and putting me down saying I’m already not a good mother and he’ll be there for his baby but won’t be there for me because I betray him by haveing this baby! I’m not sure what to do I love him more than anything and don’t want to do this on my own! But I also love this baby and can’t even imagine not haveing it! I don’t no what to do!

Answer #19


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