May have finally found "the one" but I'm already in a relationship

I have been in a nine year relationship with a man. We are not married, nor do we have children together. I have a 12 year old from a previous relationship. we live together, but thats where the “relationship” ends. there is no romantic love, maybe you could call it platonic love, but whatever…I do love him, just not in a romantic way. I love him because he has provided me with stability and a home for our family. we do not have sex, or kiss, or date. he has been abusive in the past, and although I thought we had moved past that, it has recently started up again :( don’t worry, I don’t take it! I have left him before on many previous occasions, but he always finds a way to swoop in and save me when the chips are down, so to speak. this last time I promised myself I would stick it out, regardless. was thinking that this was the natural progression of any ltr. I’m no angel, tho. I have carried on a relationship with another man for 5 years. no strings attached, just sex and companionship. it worked for the both of us. I don’t love this man, just needed attention I was not receiving at home. you see, I was in a deep dark place in my head for many years. I may have seemed normal on the outside, but inside I was hurting immensely. my future as a scientist has been in limbo for three years due to circumstances outside of my control. I worked my entire life for my education, and without it I feel lost. it was going to be my road to independence from him. anyway, that about sums up the history of my current relationship. O, and for those astro-freaks like myself, he is a leo and me, a scorp. Well the deep depression I was in started to lift recently with the pieces starting to fall into place. I finally am beginning to see my place in the world now it is just the process of getting there. I have wanted out of this relationship for a long time but I’m scared to leave. not because of him, but because of me. every time I did in the past, I failed. I have an innate fear of being alone, even tho I have functioned in that capacity. I want true love. I always have. I feel like life is not life without love. it has been so long since I have been happy and then…bam!! He walks into my life. I have known him for over a year as he is a teacher and I a substitute at an elementary school. It was not love at first sight, but recently, I started to have dreams about him. it kinda freaked me out since I had previously had no feelings for him. on a whim, I told him about my dreams and that was all it took. we began talking and I started to realize this person was quite possibly my ideal match. we have not spent a great deal of time together alone, but those times just reinforce my feelings. he is a pisces. we talk all the time, getting to know each other. I do not fall in love easily, I actually prefer to remain detached but I cant help these feelings…im losing control. he makes me nervous, butterflies and all, I get heart palpatations when I’m around him (seriously) and when we kiss I get weak in the knees. the feeling is mutual and we have discussed it. strangely enough, we have not consumated the relationship because for the first time I feel guilty! that is the crazy part. remember, I have carried on a sexual relationship for 5 years without an ounce of guilt. so, we mutually decided to wait until I am out of this relationship before we begin ours. I think I’m falling in love with him…head over freaking heels. I’m scared tho. I’m scared I am putting too much emphasis on what might be, rather than what is in mine and my son’s best interest. we live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone and he and my live-in share friends in the same circle even tho they don’t know each other personally. I am afraid of how I am going to be perceived in my community by people I know. I’m afraid of what people may say to him about me in order to protect their “friend”, my live in. I’m afraid that I am going to leave and then, end up alone. I am afraid that he is too good for me (possibly the best, most mature guy I have ever been with). I’m afraid he won’t like me once he really knows me…I’m very insecure. and most of all, I’m afraid of giving up what has been my life thus far only to discover that was as good as it gets. please help.