Funadvice Logo
Explore Join
More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

Looking For Literate people (Part II)

I told someone I would re-post this poem when I was completely done with it, so, here it is. Please do not take my work, it is Copy Write Protected.

Ever sounding chords of green, Haunting my days, Plaguing my dreams, Calls to me like succubay.

Downcast, Longing to taste What’s surveyed Through emerald glass.

Chords of tyrants’ song Lace her corset Hugging her hourglass frame, Counting sands till fate is met, Untamed, Into a spiteful new dawn.

Trying to recoil; Lilith my dark bride Beckons my fall from Eden -Soiled- Humming her sweet lullaby Of treason.

Wracked with her charm, Overburdened I fall; Sands run out She ends her count, Bares her arms To entrap me in her paroles thrall.

Threads of prevarication Unweave

Hell’s passion Raptures me

Raw fever prevails, I embrace my porcelain sin, My lips descend to taste her pale skin, Bare to the heavens unveiled.

Down her swollen breast, Lactating sweet henna for my soul, Lustful nails rake me chest, Drawing scarlet ink to sign What’s left of mine To bestow.

I plant my corrupted seed within Forest grim & ready for a blood stained genesis.

Let me know what you think ^^ Let me know if you think you understand the story it tells 1_~

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

It seems to me like this is the story of a person (a man, I’m assuming) who is captivated by a woman. He knows that he should not be with her, however the temptation is too strong and they…you know.

 His life was perfect before, but after he does what he does, he knows that it will not be the same. A few words hint at older times, which would explain why his world comes crashing down after he loses control on his urges. Things were much different back then.
 I may be completely wrong, but this is how it seemed to me. The woman could, however, represent temptation for something else, like drugs, but I assumed that it was speaking literally by describing her and such.
 Whether I was thinking the right thing or not, this is a very good poem. Keep writing.
Answer #2

Oh yes, I forgot to add that it is coming from a man’s perspective Though I’m female I seem to write from a man’s perspective on poems such as this You’re close

The topic is about an extreme religious man(I guess you can say he’s a Puritan) who longs for this woman whose not of his religion. She’s so enticing, a temptress who beckons him & haunts his thoughts, night & day, a constant beckoning. finally lust over comes him & he commits heresy against his God. He gives up his biblical beliefs to be with her(f**k her). He’s impregnated her & so he waits for the birth of his demonic b@$tard child, who was conceived in sin.

Answer #3

definitely like the words you used, but at first I was thinking it was the wizard of oz then world of warcraft, and now I’m thinking a religious story. not sure exactly, but very interesting. good job

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

Trend Gallery Art

Artists, Interior Design, Custom Paintings

Advisor

pen2publishing.com

Book Design Services, Publishing Services, Writing Services

Advisor

Writers Of USA

Book Writing Services, Content Creation, Creative Writing

Advisor

1Plus1Equals2.com

Literature, Writing, Community

Advisor

खन्ना पब्लिशर्स

Book publishing, Literature, Romance