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How to I handle my love for a married man?

ME and the MAN met 2 yrs ago Via a Yahoo pool game. And we hit it off big time. He “fell “ for me right off he says because I told him “I dont sleep around” and I fell for him because he told me “his wife is a weird mean at times, woman to him”, anyway we FELL. To sum it up, we’ve had numerous online chats, many, many phone conversations but just never hit the “right” moment to meet in person. Either he’d get scared and back off or I would. Not really sure why but it happened. Anyway I’m so in love with him, and he claims to be with me, but sometimes he can get so rude as in “withholding our phone intimacy” or downright speaking sort of rude to me. Keep in mind he also told me upfront that he hadn’t had sex with his wife in 7 yrs, and still claims to NOT be sleeping with her. BUT nowadays even though I want to keep believing him, it’s getting harder to believe, being as he’s been, “needing to go to bed earlier than normal” and gets VERY angry when I ask him “are you sleeping with her” and I don’t know anymore about us. It’s become so hard on me to handle this. Even though I love him with all my heart and we seem to know one another inside out it’s still hard. I’d be lost without getting to talk to him but what can I do? I truly believe he’s sleeping with her, (being intimate with her) because he is a VERY sensual man to me, so I find it hard to believe that he can fully make it with just “our phone intimacy time”, after all she is in the house whit him, I’m not. It use to be believable back when he made it a point to MAKE me know he cared for me. But nowadays he seems to say he loves me but he doesn’t fully act it, so which keeps my mind jerking to him and her in bed together. I KEEP trying to make him see why I have the thoughts but then he stands even more stubborn in NOT wanting to prove me wrong on it. SOooooooo any help would be wonderful…

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Answer #1

Okay, I am a married man that has had a slump in my marriage. I love to talk to women in person as well as online, but in the end I would never hurt my wife so long as she is my wife. He sounds like he is confused and is still holding onto a hope for improvement in his marriage. He might even be hoping to get caught in his “affair” because he has not consumated it yet and he might feel that it would make him more desirable to his wife. It is this or he is just a scumbag who wants to have the steady marriage as well as the girl on the side. But he still fears meeting you or going too far so this should tell you that you are not his biggest concern and if you love yourself then you would find someone who does make you his biggest concern.

I tell my wife that I am a bad flirt online and that I would never do anything to hurt her beyond the casual comments. I would feel it would be hurting her to carry on a long-term relationship over the phone or online with another woman. I am desperately hoping to patch my own relationship with my wife of six years and my own sporatic flirting is due to a lack of intimacy for a few years now. This can really be hard on a man, but I know that she is dealing with trauma personal therapy from events that were before I met her. So I will stand by her even if it lasts 7 years, and if your ‘man’ doesn’t have this sort of commitment for a lady he took vows for, how can he be the right man for you?

Answer #2

He fell for you “right off “online? Hun>thats just NOT reality. Anyone can pretend to be anything they want over the internet…you do NOT truly know a person inside and out, when you have never met in person! And you can NOT fall in love with someone without meeting that person!! Id have to call you very naive if you believe that he has not slept with his wife in 7 yrs. If thats the case, then why is he still married to her. Thats not a marriage. What you can do is get off your cloud, and see whats real here! Hes NOT in love with you! You are just a convient friend he met online. You have no reason to get upset when thoughts of him and his wife having sex enters your mind. Thats what married couples do! Move on, and get over this fantasy with him, because thats all its ever gonna be!

Answer #3

Greetings, Relations like these never last. Your only bringing him away from his family, he has a right to sleep with his wife more then somone he has never seen. You need to understand this, the sooner you do, the sooner you will come to understand that this relationsip will not work out. -phil2611

Answer #4

Snowglobe - I really hate to burst your bubble, but burst it, I must. This guy is unhappy in his marriage and you are his crutch and his way of getting through the day. Some men cannot fathom losing something without having something to go to. It’s about weakness and self-esteem. That’s where you come in. Regardless of whether he loves you, you love him - relationships like this rarely, if ever, last.

I could go on about this and in so much detail that I would bore you to tears. Suffice to say - you are a crutch and you need to step away and move on with your life. TRUST me - you will look back on this someday and say “phew!”

Meg ;=)

Answer #5

He is using you to fill the void he is missing from his wife, i believe he is sleeping with her becos of how defensive he gets when you ask, and he is just keeping you hanging on so he has something to look forward to becos he is unhappy, in the meantime you are being treated horribly and continue to hang onto him and you havent even met him. Fact is, he will not leave his wife for you otherwise he would have dont it already, you are being used. Please get out of the relationship before it makes you crazy and you get more and more depressed over him!

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