How can a couple compromise on important issues?

When my bf and I moved in together, we had to strike a balance too. He is the breadwinner and handles all the finances and then some. A great provider. As we talk of getting married and having a family together, we talk of what to expect of eachother. I knew it would be a challenge for me because I want to be a stay at home mom and take care of the home and he is such an organized guy–how would I ever live up to his standards without killing myself? I was scared. So I just gave him the keys, so to speak. I asked him to write out a “to-do” list for me everyday (while i was unemployed, that is). I started to find the pattern in what he wanted done.

After a few weeks, I realized that there were really only a few key things that mattered to him around the house. In a perfect world–sure, he’d love it if I cleaned up after myself as well as he does after himself. Being that he is a rational clean freak, he didn’t hold me up to his exact standards. But he always seemed to be bothered if there were any dishes in the sink, or clothes sitting in the washer or dryer. A clean bathroom was also important to him as well as having the carpets vaccumed at least once a week. If these things weren’t done, he’d come home from his day and wouldn’t sit down to relax with me until he’d done them. I began to realize there were only about 4-5 things that truly bothered him if they weren’t done. So I started making sure that if nothing else, I got those 4-5 things done everyday. He never really complains about a plate left on my desk or a can of soda here or there or dust on the bookshelves. But he really dislikes clean dishes sitting in the dishwasher not unloaded, a load of laundry in limbo, not moving. He said that whenever these 4-5 things are not done, he feels like it holds up everything and causes little traffic jams all over the house and that annoys him.

So since I started making sure those trigger things were done, life’s a heck of a lot easier. He’s really grateful and I get to make little messes here and there and be a lazy dog now and then as long as it doesn’t extend into not doing what I call the “refills”, the things he doesn’t like undone. I find that as long as the clothes are not sitting in the dryer, he doesn’t mind if they are not folded and not put away.

I found a great balance this way. So I suggest you find out what his four or five triggers are. Then just keep him happy and get them done every day that you can.

You could also make an agreement that as long as he handles the finances, you’ll keep the house any way that he wants.

I also hate finances and don’t deal with them at all. Thanks to my awesome guy who takes care of me. I am terrible with money, balancing checkbooks, and planning for the future. I hate it and don’t want to do it. In exchange for him taking that over, I keep the house the way he likes.