if you're going to say something bad then don't answer this. This is serious and I don't know what to do...
I have had an eating disorder for more than a decade now, I've recently stopped the bulemia and I've gained 10lbs which is scaring the *** out of me. I can't even drink water without feeling like a walrus. I can't purge anymore though because of all the blood and the closely impending danger of a heartattack, or gastric rupture. My insides hurt so much after I do it too. I don't want to hurt myself anymore but it's torture feeling like this! I haven't seen my boyfriend in so long because I'm throughly ashamed about my body. I don't even want to be seen. I don't eat that much. Maybe once or twice a day, not a lot. mostly steamed grains and fruit or granola. this is terrible though!! I can't keep doing this much longer, feeling like this or I'm going to relapse to anorexia again (haven't in about 6 months). or begin to hurtmyself ( I haven't in almost 4 years) because of how weak and soft and needy and fat... I'm not seeing a therapist or anything, I can't afford to and I have no time with work. please help me, I can't stand feeling like this. it's heart wrenching. It's nearly impossible to understand unless you're battling an eating disorder your self, or have been there before. but I really need advice...nothing corny please. "think positive and beautiful thoughts" is not really going to help considering the nature and the longevity of the disorder it self.
thanks in advance.
I can understand what you are going through, because I have been there before, and honestly even though it feels like you are helpless, it does get better in time. Im not going to say that it goes away completely, because it doesn't. It's a struggle, and you need to ask people for help. The best thing to do is ask someone you are very close to for help, Get those feelings out and tell them what you are doing, because then they can try and stop you. Don't be embarrassed about it, it's like anything else, Depression, anxiety, or anything, it's something you need help with that is bigger then you , that you cant deal with all on your own. The next thing you need to do is see a therapist. If you have insurance, it wont be expensive, and if you dont have insurance, a lot of times at hospitals or local colleges you can sign up for their research programs and become part of their studies and they will give you treatment for free. See a professional really helps the way that you think, self esteem wise. And in the long run it helps out with why you are doing this to yourself in the first place, so whatever it is, you can realize, and work on and eventually eliminate, so that once that is eliminated hopefully the eating disorder behavior is as well. The next thing is to see a nutritionist. They can tell you healthy foods that will nurish your body but keep you thin so that you dont have to worry about gaining fat. It's not an overnight process, its going to take time, but it can be done. You already made a huge realization that you need help and that you want to get better, and thats usually the biggest challenge for most people. Now its just finding the right people to do that. Don't be embarrassed to talk to someone about it. It effects more people then you think, and its not something that makes you bad. Wanting to change it, shows that you are trying to do a good thing and be healthy. If you ever need to ask me anything about my experience please just ask.
Hey I'm not going to say I understand what your going though cause I dont... I've had a friend who had that problem, an I've seen what can happen the first thing you got to do is get your confidence back up that hard an I know that, my friend got the results she was looking for by a proper diet, she was thin as can be but this diet put her back to the perfect size an toned her beautifully, I dont know if this is helping but ya... She went on the body for life an she has never looked better, I was a little over weight but since I been on it, its been working So I say try it. I wish you the best of luck
