Dont want a religion

My dad is a VERY strong Christian. Hes very sensitive and like cries when I wont go to church. I just really dont have faith in what I can’t touch and see. I dont really beleive in Jesus and question whether there is a god. I am a strong beleiver in Evolution and I don’t really think that faith is an excuse to explain all the wonders of our world that man are responsible for. I really want to just live my life and not have to worry about heaven or hell. I always have to fake a smile when going to church and pretend I beleive in a lot of the crap they are forcing me to beleive and half the kids there dont really know whats going on they just beleive what their parents tell them to believe. I really dont want to hurt my dad though. Any comments or suggestions?

Answer #1

Something in your question stuck out to me in your question fau, and that was the part where you said, that you belief in evolution and that faith cannot be an excuse. I would say that this is probably the area in your search for truth that you need to focus on. The truth of the matter is that you are not alone. Right now about 80 per cent of church going kids drop the faith as soon as they get into high school. This is a staggering statistic that is tearing Christian families apart. A very big reason this is happening is because of the culture we are in today. In today’s culture it is almost forcefully re-enforced, (I could tell you stories) that God does not exist and that evolution is true. That Christians are just too fundamental, judgmental no-nothings and that faith is for weak losers. It’s no wander that you are having all these doubts. You and a couple million other young people. The thing that I really hope you realize is that there are compelling, genuine and scientific reasons as two why Christians are adamant about the faith. In a culture that becoming extremely tolerant of everyone’s beliefs except of course the Christians who belief in moral absolutes, its important not to base you decisions on what the culture decides is acceptable or cool. I am a solid born again believer in Jesus Christ and I do not except my beliefs on blind faith. I put them to the test with science and they add up, remarkably so. I also would like to point out that I do believe the bible and live by it and it has certainly not turned me into a racist, fascist, bigot like people claim it does. If anything it has completely changed my life to loving people and caring about them. So my advice to you is to seek out the truth desperately. This is not about your narrow minded parents trying to push there beliefs on you. I’m sure your parents really do care about you and the Christian worldview is all about the individual making his or her own choice. I would suggest that you have a very long heart felt talk about evolution and your opinion on Christianity if you haven’t done this already. I’m sure this would not hurt your dad, but clear things up and give you guys a reference point to start from. Figure out the logic behind the Christian worldview and see if it doesn’t make sense. Ask the pastor of this church and see what he has to say. Do research on the subject and lastly I would ask you to ask the question, “ God if you exist, please show yourself real to me,” Don’t expect anything in particular, but just ask that question every time you think about it. You may be surprised. You may be disappointed, you’ll never know until you try. God says he will seek you if you seek him. You may not have any faith in that now, but you have to at least try. Hey I hope that everything works out for you and I want you to know that you have a purpose and destiny in this life and that your worth is immeasurable no matter what path you choose to go down. Blessings on you future.

Answer #2

I know a lot of folks that go to church and confess God and were baptised. . . And are no more Christian than Osama Bin Laden. Bring Christian comes from the Heart. And who is meelw?

May be time for some corrective lenses.

Answer #3

You don’t say how old your are and since you posted anonymously we don’t have access to your profile.

in my opinion, if you are under 18 then you should accommodate your father’s wishes as far as attending church. That doesn’t mean that you have to accept his beliefs (by the way, you can be religious and still believe in evolution).

Your parents are bound to be responsible for you until you are 18. They are responsible for teaching you how to live in our complicated society. They do their best which does happen to include trying to instill in you their religious beliefs.

Your responsibility, as their child, is to respect them and follow their guidance until you reach the age of majority (probably 18 where you live). Unless they are doing something illegal, you should attempt to accommodate them.

18 will come soon enough, so enjoy the protection and guidance that your father provides.

Answer #4

Ignore the “it’s your dads house, it’s his rules” type comments. Your dad is not going to kick you out of his house for talking to him.

Just be straightforward and tell him you don’t believe the things the church is teaching, and you’re tired of going. Persuade him that you’re at an age that by now you would already have accepted it if your were going to, and since you didn’t, it’s not going to happen. Also, explain to him that it would be better for you to work out your way in life before leaving his house. If you’re complying begrudgingly, you’ll obviously stop the second you move out of the house.

Although I was an adult when I lost faith and so this was never a big issue for me, my parents became like Jehovah’s witnesses as soon as they found out I was an atheist - pestering me incessantly trying to get me to come back. I finally shut them up by actively attempting to deconvert them. When they saw that my arguments were an actual threat to their faith, they stopped, and we never discuss religion anymore.

If your dad won’t be reasonable, then try to deconvert him.

Answer #5

My bad, and thanks…I’ll keep that in my mind for future reference. :) I wasn’t correcting you though…I assumed that was what you were trying to say.

The country/county thing was bad on my part. I’m dyslexic. I switch letters up in my head. I read it wrong and then thought you said country. Sometimes I have to read the same sentence 3 times over to get it right. It kinda sucks cause It effects both my reading and my spelling. Sorry~

And both you 2 are right with the “The GREATEST gift a parent can give their child is Faith in God Which will give you strength, freedom and the Ability to think for themselves and Clearly.” but I don’t think you should ignore your child and let him/her go off and do there own thing. You should be there to help and guild him/her “when needed” threw there struggles and pointing out the areas they need help in. Give them the stuff but give them the support they need but also let them figure it out on there own.

Answer #6

Hello, again.

This can be a tricky issue.  Just so you know–I’m a Southern Baptist and an ordained deacon so any advice I give will be biased accordingly.  I prefer to think of it as being biased toward the truth. People of your generation have grown up with different advantages and different challenges than people of your parents’ generation (I’m in that group).  People in my gneration sometimes forget that or they don’t really understand how that makes your life different from ours and that can cause problems like you mentioned.  Very often, young people either quit going to church in their teen years.  I think you can decide if you want to be a part of your parents’ church or not.  But with that decision comes the responsibility of accepting your parents’ reaction to it–decisions always have consequences and you have to be willing to accept the consequences of your decisions. 

But the bottom line is your father loves you deeply or he wouldn’t react so emotionally to your decision. And you made a very responsible statement in that you don’t want to hurt him. I think the best thing for you to do is to think about the consequences of the different choices you can make and decide which one, or ones, you’re willing to accept. That will help you decide what to do. How you eventually deal with the reality of God and other spiritual matters will take care of itself when the time is right whether you’re in church or not.

Good luck.

Answer #7

The core values taught in mainstream churches are good, and like it or not, you will be interacting with people your whole life that do believe in a supreme being. And you don’t have to believe in heaven and hell, to believe in good and bad.

I am an atheist, but while my mother was living I would often go to church with her as a sign of my respect for her beliefs. She knew my beliefs and respected them. And I felt no need to proclaim that I ranked supreme beings at the same level as Santa, ghosts, and tooth fairies - and below alien life forms (somewhere).

If all you are doing is grabbing an extra hour of sleep on sunday morning, maybe doing this with your Dad might be a better alternative. Then when you move out on your own you can decide to quietly stop.

Good Luck!!

Answer #8

Any time a child of a Christian goes astray, or does not follow what they have been taught, will cause the parent to worry, pray and be concerned. There is no way around this. This is the agony that a parent faces, when their child goes the opposite way.

However, once you become of age, there is not much use in faking what you feel, In my opinion, you may as well go your own way, and help your parents as best you can. Tell them that you love them, dearly, if you do, and that you are experiencing a crisis of faith, if you can call it that… that you need time, to find your way.

They will continue to pray for you, and hopefully, one day, you will have a true conversion experience. I don’t think you are doing anyone any good to try and live something that your heart is not in. To me that is hypocritical. No offense intended.

Answer #9

I agree with rnealw - it’s a matter of showing your father respect - doesn’t bother you that it means so much to him he cries ? - very sad - you’ll be 18 and out soon enough - hope you’ll be kind enough to give him and the church a fighting chance - very important…Take care !!

Answer #10

You need to explain to him that your religion, if you choose to have one, is YOUR choice. Not his. Tell him how you feel about questioning the christian religion. Through that, tell him that it is in no way his fault.. you love him… and you don’t mean to hurt him, you just know that that religion is wrong for you.

Answer #11

“Give them the support and guidance “when needed” but let them figure out the answer on there own”. I still believe that the father will be held accountable if he were not to doing anything. like talking it over with her/him, not forcing.

Answer #12

She’s not paying the bills and she is his offspring. . . My Father kicked me out long ago over my beliefs. I was luck enough to wise up with time. And My father is not dispicable. . He is one of the Most respected men in the county. .

Answer #13

Anyone who’s parent would kick them out at age 16 for their religious beliefs, I suspect is better off outside such an abusive household. Abusive parents are worse than no parents at all.

Answer #14

Amoeba is right. You can go and still not believe. Once you are 18, you can do what you want. Why make it more stressful that it has to be.

Answer #15

rnealw, Isn’t the father attacking her beliefs? Any parent who would kick their child out because they don’t believe in god is dispicable. And it certanly is not very christian…

Answer #16

What meelw said, but also remember, going to church doesn’t make you a Christain. I had a friend who was forced to go to church & had to go to bible camp, but she was a witch, & still is

Answer #17

It is not a parent’s job to “force” ANYTHING down their child’s throat… The GREATEST gift a parent can give their child is the strength, freedom and support to think for themselves.

Answer #18

Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. 2 Timothy 1:12 (New International Version)

Answer #19

I am a committed Christian but I have a LOAD of synmpathy for what you are saying. I so identify with the ‘fake smile’ when listening to ludicrous religious sweet nothings. I have had a lot of difficulty recently being an evolutionist in a largely creationist church. I can accept that other people I love and respect have a different view from me, but I can’t keep on hearing mistruths from the pulpit.

My advice to you would be to try to avoid ‘throwing out the baby with the bath water’. I mean that you may be hearing a load of things you can’t accept, but does that mean you don’t actually accept the love and teachings of Jesus? I’d look towards finding other churches as you get older, to see if you could find a group of Christians who could help you to grow in faith instead of smother you.

Answer #20

My parents are very religious, like your father. I’ve never told them about my becoming an atheist. What’s the point? They’d get very upset and do everything they could to change my mind, making each phone conversation and each visit home a miserable experience. I just avoid the topic of religion completely. If it ever does come up, I smile and nod, and change the subject. Some people might think this is lame and dishonest, but at this point in our lives, there is no need for us to deal with each other at all regarding religion. It just doesn’t need to be an issue.

You can certainly do the same with your father. On the other hand if you want to talk to him about your views, I’d at least wait until you move out of the house and you’re on your own for a while. Being his dependent could make the conversation, and life after it, all the more awkward.

Answer #21

I must agree with waynec and mjax on this one. I also did not want to follow in the religious footsteps of my parents. They never became emotional when I expressed my views but my father did ask me to continue to attend temple (jewish) until I was confirmed at 16. This was his wish and out of love and respect for him, I attended until I was confirmed. I never returned after that until he passed away 7 years ago and now I attend once each year to honor him when his name is read. I was no “do what they say child” I fought my parents, was argumentative, etc. but on this I gave my father the respect I felt he deserved. I guess even at a young age, I knew he wouldn’t be around forever and if going somewhere for 3-4 hours once a week meant so much to him, then okay. It seemed like a small thing that I could do and I am glad that I did.

Answer #22

tell them that you need to find the Lord in your own heart and that in order for the relationship between God and yourself to be pure you have to search within yourself to find Him. I told this to my friend’s parents when they heard us discussing God and were going to throw my friend out of his home (my friend is an atheist and I’m sometimes agnostic, sometimes Christian but his parents are HARDCORE Mormons.) his parents actually fell for it. It was funny. They actually think we spend our time at different churches every weekend while we’re at the mall hitting on guys. Lmfao try saying something like that with your parents it might work!!

Answer #23

“To those who have been brought up in the Scripture with a sound docturine Christianity is not a burden but a blessing. . And I really don’t expect you to understand it, no matter how much I explain. “

rnealw, one could easily say this too:

To those whose eyes have been opened to the realization of Christian doctrine as only mythology, is not a burden but a relief. And I really don’t expect you to understand it, no matter how much I explain.

Answer #24

“And The GREATEST gift a parent can give their child is Faith in God Which will give you strength, freedom and the Ability to think for themselves and Clearly. “

Perhaps you’d care to explain how belief in an invisible unknowable omnipotent being gives you “the ability to think for themselves and[sic] Clearly”? Surely not burdening your children with your own beliefs is a better way to allow them to think for themselves.

Answer #25

And The GREATEST gift a parent can give their child is Faith in God Which will give you strength, freedom and the Ability to think for themselves and Clearly.

…and again, divergence.

Even though the chances are higher he kicked you out, just so he wouldn’t look less ‘respectable’ to his subordinates, friends, co-workers, etc.

Buuut… it would seem you’re okay with it. So I guess it really doesn’t matter.

Answer #26

you should explain to your dad your beliefs and tell him that you’ll go to church for him for however long, but your not gaining anything from it Its perfectly fine to live your life the way you want, and your dad should except that don’t let his sensitivity force you into something he has to understand your side, you need to be understood by him to work out the problem luckily both my parents are athiests and freeminded but I know how to deal with religious parents and you have to sit down and explain your side and tell him that you’re not going to change how you think, but you will continue to respect him good luck:)

Answer #27

The reason your dad cries for you is becuase he loves you so much and us Christians don’t want to pressure the one’s we love to go to church because we think everyone should be like us, but because we want you to experience the same peace and happiness that we’ve found in Jesus. It is such an awesome feeling and until one has experienced it they can never understand what we christians are talking about. It’s not for the fear of hell that I accepted Jesus, but because I was tired of this meaningless life and all the pain it brings and knew there had to be something more, and I definately found it in Jesus. But ultimately it is your choice to make- that’s what’s so great about God- he doesn’t force anyone to choose him he respects us as individuals and wants us to come to him on our own free will.

Answer #28

You said you believe in evolution, so are you saying you’re atheist? Could you elaborate more on your beliefs regarding god(s) [atheist, agnostic, deist, uncertain, etc.]

I think instead of just ‘going’ to church to make your dad happy, you should actually sit down with him and explain to him what you believe. Since this is such a delicate matter, you need to express your views without criticizing his, and vice versa.

If this CAN’T be accomplished, then you can simply refuse to go. Of course, he’ll probably have adverse reactions to this… that’s what they commonly do…

Answer #29

randallgingerich. You say “ put them to the test with science and they add up, remarkably so.” I would say if you don’t believe in evolution, you don’t know the slightest thing about science, or you are so steeped in your susperstition, you are in complete denial. The only real intolerance to christian belief that exists today is directed at those particualr sects of christianity that deny scientific absoilutes simply because it doesn’t support the mythology they have been indoctrinated with.

Stay out of science and we will stay out of religion.

Answer #30

Perhaps you’d care to explain how belief in an invisible unknowable omnipotent being gives you ‘the ability to think for themselves and[sic] Clearly’? Surely not burdening your children with your own beliefs To those who have been brought up in the Scripture with a sound docturine Christianity is not a burden but a blessing. . And I really don’t expect you to understand it, no matter how much I explain.

Answer #31

He is one of the Most respected men in the county. .

There are plenty of despicable people who are respected. One has no real bearing on the other…

She’s not paying the bills and she is his offspring. . .

So in your mind, that makes HIM the responsible one? I don’t consider it very responsible OR respectable for the head-of-household to ‘alienate’ his daughter or son, over something so trivial.

Answer #32

You have to remember, it’s your Dads house, His rules. If you have any respect for him clairebear I suggest you go to Church without question. You can choose your own path when you move out of a home he supports. Maybe you should also remove that fake smile and question things. . . .

Answer #33

my mom does the same thing. she made me get my confirmation when I dont even believe in jesus and god! o well. she thinks that “one day” I will change my mind and believe in god. but I always explain to her that in religion, you can’t change your mind. how do you change what you believe in? and if she forces me to go to church, then its just a waste of time.

Answer #34

I am a strong christian, and if I was your dad, I would probably do the same thing. I suggest you give chuch another try… maybe your going to the wrong kind of church. you dont have to go to church to believe in god. or tell your dad how you feel, he could help u., if he dosent over react. I don’t know

Answer #35

No matt I meant County. . . We have counties in Texas. . I don’t think He is known all over the Country. . . Texas is pretty big. . . By the way I live in Clay county. . . Captain live in or close to Tarrent county And you Matt live in Northampton County. . . I know the differance between County and country please don’t try to correct me.

And The GREATEST gift a parent can give their child is Faith in God Which will give you strength, freedom and the Ability to think for themselves and Clearly.

Answer #36

Who pays the bills is not the issue. If your father or any parent that kicks their child out for no other reason than not believing in god is absolutely dispicable. Any parent who is that narrow-minded that they won’t even let their teenagers explore different beliefs than their own, has lost touch with reality. I am glad it worked out between you and your father, but if my father ever did that to me, it would have destroyed our relationship.

Answer #37

Try telling him the truth. If I were in this situation, no matter how much it would have hurt my dad, I would have told him the truth. But yeah., deffinatly tell him that you didn’t mean to hurt him, and that you love him a lot, but the Christian religion is not for you Explain to him that he’s basically asking you to live a lie. Maybe then he’ll understand where you’re coming from =l Best of luck <3

Answer #38

You know Toadaly. . . I’ve know a lot of people in my day Who were kicked out of their home for Beliefs. . . All between 16 and 18. Attacking anothers faith is actually a bad Ideal, Expecially when it is the one paying the bills, and if they are suppose to pay your way thru collage. . . Well You may be kissing that goodbye also.

Answer #39

Spare the rod, spoil the child…

Answer #40

Silverwings, that was a very good response…

Answer #41


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