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Did hubby cheat?

Hi everyone- Need advice please. Hubby and I have been married for almost 18 years, thru good times and bad. We are both in our mid 40’s . He had mentioned a few times that he thought his coworker “L” was sexy. This is no big deal, I tell him about my crushes too and we laugh. I do not work at the large business that hubby and L work at, and L and I have never met. There came a situation where I had to conduct some business with L and was going to meet her. Hubby started acting all funny and nervous. After several angry confrontations, he said that he and L had come close to having an affair, although he SWORE up and down nothing happened. He said that L didn’t know he was married, she came onto him strongly. He was flattered and so he didn’t tell her he was married. When she found out, she stopped chasing him. That’s HIS version…not sure if I believe it. It gets worse…hubby confessed that he bragged to all the guys at work that he’d had sex with L just to impress them. He swore again on the bible nothing happened. So the day came when I was supposed to meet with L to conduct our business. I was going to get to the bottom of it in subtle ways that women know how to do. Well, L never showed. She sent her female friend to conduct the transaction who claimed that L was tied up at work. Even if hubby is telling the truth, I am so mad at him for disrespecting me by “bragging” about “f*cking” someone other than his wife. I thought guys stopped making up that stuff after high school. (My apologies to any high school students reading this who are more mature than my 44 year old hubby). What do you think? Did hubby have an affair and is telling this ridiculous “bragging” story to cover it up? Why didn’t L show the day of our transaction? I am not ready to confront L yet, because if she’s an innocent victim of my hubby’s trash talk and/or sexual harassment, I’m sure they couldn’t work together anymore…not to mention any embarrassing (to me) lawsuits she could lay upon hubby. If it came down to it, she would be the one to lose her job, not hubby. I don’t want to hurt someone who may be an innocent victim, she has worked there a long time. Any response appreciated, especially those from men in the same age group. Thanks, cherry

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Answer #1

I’m not in the same age group, but I AM out of high school, and I used to be a cheater. So if nothing else, I know the signs. It’s not looking so good.

From the evidence at hand, the reality is that you’re never going to know for sure. No one will ever be able to peer into this mess of lies and half-truths and be able to say for certain what really went on unless they had access to your husband, a large amount of sodium pentathol, and a soundproof room. However, everything he has done are things that I myself remember doing.

The “A girl at work thinks I’m cute. Isn’t that HILARious?” moment was familiar. This is done to assuage one’s guilt at being turned on by the girl at work. And the “I just told the guys that I did her” tale simply reeks of bulls—. People may brag about sexual conquests in high school to earn cred, but unless your husband has a ridiculously low self esteem, I see no reason for him to lie about such a thing in his place of business.

Personally, this is suspicious enough to warrant a confrontation. If you keep it personal and civil, I see no reason why she would get in trouble at work from this, whether something happened or not. And if not an outright lawsuit, it sounds as if a little professional embarassment might be just what hubby needs.

Answer #2

That’s a bit difficult to say but him telling everyone that he did it, makes it seem an awful lot like he actually did. I mean, I really do agree with you, guys generally stop lying about what they’ve done after they’ve done it. And hopefully after being married to you for eighteen years he’s done everything but L. The fact that she didn’t show also seems as if it is the child of a guilty conscious. She probably is innocent in the sense that she didn’t know that he was married but after finding out is now feeling quite guilty. “Coming on to a guy” does not seem like near enough to make a person feel guilty or embarassed enough to avoid someone. That seems like another thing that stops in high school. After you’ve done more than come on to someone it is not such a big deal. So I think that he did, but perhaps if he has any close friends that you trust a bit, ask them. Good luck, sorry some guys are horrid,

Brian D.

Answer #3

Oh no, you are at your 40-ties. Let him to play around a bit with that L. Soon he will be 50, and then there is no chance to anything more in his life. If he can do something with L. that is your common success. You have NOT a husband who is totally inactive in the life yet. Listen to his story and laugh like you laugh when you are telling each other you crushes. Be magnanimous and liberal, and you will be more than if you are not that. Believe me.

Answer #4

If I were in your shoes I would say something along the lines of “Honey, I don’t know what to believe any more. I’m having some strange symptoms and I think I might have {insert favorite STD here}. Is there ANYTHING you want to say before I go to the dr. and get tested?” Walk out the door. Go shopping. A few days later, tell him you have it and see what his reaction is. Then, no matter the situation, book an appointment with a couples councilor.

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