How can I live with these strict and overprotective parents?

Well it’s a year later…I tell you this. Keep studying, only one more year! Apply for a scholarship, move out, be yourself. They are trying to mold you into their ‘perfect’ child. And obviously you are in danger with your father.

(I have no experience with this, My parents are laid back)

After 18, you are an adult and can do whatever you want. COSPLAY! (As a fellow lover of cosplay people I suggest you do it!)

Good luck, hun.

Go to the conventions anyway. Go out with all your friends despite what the parents say. Enter any releationships you want. Forget whatever it was they said about your fututre and decide FOR YOURSELF what you want to do. DAMNIT! They suck, but DONT GO ALONG WITH THIS! Dont obey them, and make it CLEAR that your not going to. Your future is YOURS to decide, screw them. AND NEVER let your Mom search your backpack. THat is YOUR privacy, this is unnaceptable and you shouldent agree to any of it.

All of these posts.. are weirdly identical to my life.. Asian parents must be the blame.. Anime is my only strength..

I swear my life is almost exactly the same as yours. I’m 19 years old and because I’ve lived the kind of life you’ve had, I have very few outside friends who I feel I can relate to since my parents seemed to be the extreme. My dad is controlling and thinks he’s always right and will NEVER admit to when he’s made a mistake. He’s stubborn like that. My mom used to be much more “rebellious” against my dad, not believing in such strictness, but suddenly I saw her acting and adopting my dad’s principles. I can’t even trust telling her things or be close to her because I know she’ll discuss them with my dad. We’re Christian, so we go to church and all that, but a lot of the time I feel like we’re fake. My dad will never accept that he’s wrong, and comes to believe that because he’s Christian, he has God on his side, and therefore he is always right. He takes things out of context of the bible, and quotes them to me as “evidence” that I should not do certain things. I can’t stand the fact that everyone else I know, all of my friends, have less protective parents, even “under”protective parents. I wish I was allowed freedom. You know what this does to you, when you can’t make your own mistakes, can’t figure out who you are. You feel like you can never be yourself, and you are lost and forgotten. It’s unfair that we have to live like this, but I’ve fought back SO many times, “talking back”. It never works. At least for the moment. Maybe a few years down the road, my dad loosens up just a bit. But it takes a really long time to even make a dent. He never lets me wear low-cut shirts or spaghetti straps, and he hates when I wear “too much” makeup. I can’t even wear “very” high heels for goodness sake. I’ve thought about suicide, but it was never serious. I’ve also thought about running away, or even killing him. But that was years back. I’ve learned to stand my ground, and at those times when I’m at my breaking point, I just let it pass as much as I can so that I don’t run into more trouble. I just act submissive. But now that I’m in college, I do what I want, although I realize I’ve adopted some of his principles myself. My grades fell last semester a bit because I was trying to figure out who I was, develop more of a social life, and I don’t know if it was worth it. It probably wasn’t. But still, because of the way I’ve grown up, I feel that I’ve become anti-social and can’t speak for myself, always feeling inferior to others. In addition, I do feel that sometimes I am attracted to the female sex, and I’m disgusted with it. I believe it has developed because of my hate for my dad/father figure. I’ve never had a boyfriend because I’ve never known how to interact with the opposite sex due to the restrictions I’ve lived through and because of my dad/father figure being abusive. Lastly, I used to care so much about my weight, and I do feel I am overweight right now, but not really. My dad didn’t used to care so much, but somehow, he’s developed an obsession with me being “fat” and he calls me fat and is urging me/almost demanding of me to lose weight. It’s bad enough that society and the rest of the world care about my appearance, but why should my dad care about my weight so much? I mean seriously, I’m not fat by health standards. I’ve “got” fat on me, but I’m not fat. I think it’s because all the Asians I know are skinny, and at church when my parents see them, they always speak of their slimness to me, wishing that I could be like them. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be happy with myself, content even. I can’t with my parents in my life. I think you should go to a college VERY far away, and you should always be out, preferably at like church youth group at night or something when you’re not in class, or shopping for groceries. anything that will give you an excuse to explain why you didn’t answer your parents’ frequent phone calls. My parents are still overprotective even though I am in college. They don’t trust me, even though I’m technically an adult already. I mean, I’m going to be turning 20 in January, so why can’t I just LIVE my life? man. I hope some of that stuff helped, if at all. you should really develop some good close friends, the kind that you can talk to about this stuff in person. that’s the one thing I regret not doing. and like the person above me said, don’t drop your grades, prove yourself to them. and obviously, there’s so much more to life than this. don’t end your life because of this huge ditch you’ve driven into, or this huge hill you’re trying to climb.

I was in the same situation even while in college. I graduated 15 years ago, have a wonderful husband and 2 wonderful kids, but still go through depression about it. My father was extremely abusive (physically, emotionally, verbally) on top of being controlling, invasive, and possessive. All I can say is that you WILL get through it. Also, one piece of advice: you may have a tendency to let loose and enjoy newfound freedom in college, but don’t screw up your grades like I did.

just 1 year more,move out,and remember to slam the door

Hi. I understand your whole situation because I was in the same lifestyle until I was 21. I just had to rebel and move out at the time with my boyfriend (ended up in divorce after marriage). Please don’t move in with a guy like I did. Yes keep a plan for yourself. Your parents think they are doing it all for your own good. I understand that oh so well. They don’t seem to understand you have your own personal need for space and a career that you would love. I can only say keep going online. Draw if you can to get away from all of that. I used to stay in my room alot and just listen to music, sing a little, exercise, read really good books. Tell them to take you to the library if they don’t trust where you are going. I wish I had a computer back in those times. Anyway. Yes concider moving out at 18 and they may feel like disowning you which will be very painful at first but this is your freedom we are talking about. I had my dad go through my personal stuff sometimes too and listen to my phone calls. I was living in a jail. I am sure you can make it on your own or with roommates. You will learn alot about financial responsibilities and you will be responsible for your own meals and shopping for them and keeping yourself dressed. Budgetting will be key. Boy you will learn so much from moving out. Scary but good for you.

Hello Reina, sorry to hear about the way things are going. I think BillietBees advice is good, next time your parents do something stupid, tell them exactly what you think of them. Remember, your parents cannot control you, all they can do is make life suck until you do what they say. So if theyre already making life bad, all they can do is make it a little worse. You said you dont have any real friends, so you might also want to consider taking out two or three months to make some, in part for both physical and mental protection. That in mind this may seem like strange advice but you might want to make friends with someone who enjoy to drink blood (theres a reason believe it or not! haha). Obviously particular things often atract particular personalitys, it seems to me that most people who enjoy drinking blood are of a particular personality type that is VERY protective of their friends, and can read people well. If you make friends with them and really care about them they can tell and theyll love you for it, care about and cared about by someone like that and if you father lay a fingure on you, he may not have that fingure much longer. I think thats all i can really say right now ill have to talk to you more to tell you more. Hope ive helped! and id love to help more if you can use some.

With (sometimes a bit too much) Love - Joseph the Joking Jester

it’s like you stole my life story! that’s the SAME thing I’m going through right now. my parents are also asian immigrants. they will NEVER give me any freedom. it’s like they’re controlling my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE! I’m sick and tired of it..and I DID confront it my mom..but nothing worked out. she said that as asians..we are different from americans..and we don’t have the rules like americans do. I’m not even supposed to talk to boys, I can’t put on any make-up, I can’t sleep over, I can’t even freakin go to the movies without adult supervisor! I am sick and tired of my parents..they are WAYY too overprotective. my dad is EXACTLY like yours..everytime I try getting him to change his ways…his anger ALWAYS raises..he always threatens, and even hits me. it’s really scary when he does that. so, I don’t even bother talking to him anymore. I feel like my life is really breaking apart. my parents can’t get off my back. every time I try hanging out with my friends, they try to stop me somehow. just today, I planned to go to the movies with my friend. no adult was coming with us, and my parents said we couldn’t go. they said I wouldn’t understand anything, that I’ll only understand when I grow older. I want to be a normal kid. I could go on and on about how they disapoint me. but then, I’d be going all day typing. yes, me and you have a lot in common. I don’t even know you, but it feels like we have the same life..the same parents. I’m depressed, and I definately have thoughts of suicide. sometimes, I wonder if being asian is the blame…

geeez!!! OMIGAAAD! sweety I think you my twin or something…lol!! our parents are exactly the same!! EXACTLY! everything besides the bisexual part applies to me! wOw! im really shOcked to see that their are others going through what I’m going through. Im 16 too…and my dads a idiot/overprotective/over religious/control freak/. He lives his life according to the church…and even thogh he’s trying to raise me the right way, it just feels like he’s pushing me further away from God. I want to be a fashion designer too! I’m thinking of opening my own haute couture label 1 day…haha! yeah I’ve got beeeg dreamz baybay! my dad hit me too out of anger and frustration 1 day…he bought me a fcking ice cream the next day 2 make up 4 it. I’ve also had suicidal thoughts but then my senses take over and tell myself…2 MORE YEARS KAY AND YOU CAN HAVE THE TIME OF YOURLIFE! just wait patiently…I keep myself busy so that I don’t have to think about my crap life…lol…im not allowed to date till im out of school aswell…and with my parents theirs no negotiating…esp my dad…and not even my mom can change his mind. I miss out on life a lot…adn our fcking parents can’t see that. My dad had his fun and now he’s trying to take away mine…the pig! I’m not allowed to work either as its just “1 of my schemes for getting out of the house” quote my dad! I hate him so much…and he knows it! THEY SEND ME TO THIS GIRLS SCHOOL! so right now I have no communication with boys!! besides on the facebook and instant messaging…btw they sold my cellphone…but now I use my momz…for the holidays they want to cut off the internet so that I cant have communication with other people and find out what they doing. I HOPE MY PARENTS ESP MY DADDY WILL JUST FALL OVER AND DIE SOMETIMES. Im a a trustworthy girl with good grades…to him it can be better…but his a sh*thead. I’ve never done anything to make them not trust me…oh well…life goes on…seems like we’ll make great friends LOL! would love 2 hear from you and how your lifes going now…hope it gets better 4 us though..HEHE… kayels_dr@yahoo.com

oh my goodness this sounds horrible. Fist of all do not make suicide an option. There are so many more things in life that you have yet to experience and suicide is not a good way out. I do agree that your parents are too stricts and they need to back up quiet a bit. Searching your bag everyday and crushing your dreams only shows that they do not care about how you feel but rather focus on vringing you up the way that they want you to be.. which is basically like a robot! Honestly, going to school for something that you do not want to do and being stuck in a career where you are miserable your whole life is simply not worth it. Also, you are 16, this is supposed to be the best time of your life where you should hang out wih your friends and start dating and do all the things that a teenager should do while maintaining decent grades.. which you already do. The fact that your dad hits you is NOT ok. If he continues to do it,call child services (but do consider this decision thouroughly first). Okay so what should you do? Well you can try talking to them. It seems that in your case this wouldn’t work but why don’t you just tell them that this is your life and you know that you are a good person and that you can make the right decision and that you do not want to live a life that was set out for you by them. Tell them that they are making you unhappy and it is because of them that you do not have friends or a life outside of your house. The worse that they can do to you is hit you, which is completely unacceptable but it’s not like they can ground you (seeing h0w you can’t even go out anywhere!). What i would do it just act mature and mock them even. Tell them all the things that you always wanted to and how they are bad parents and then if they get really mad just say “Oh what you are going to hit me now? Been there done that.. do it come on prove me right on everything I have just said and keep in mind everything that you’ve been doing to me through my whole life and everything that you are going to continue to do will fck me up more and more.” Just be strong, laugh in their face when they are being a*holes. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself because if you let them opress you like this then you will end up living your life the way they want you to and not the way you want to. Although I am not telling you to do these things it is one option. You should learn to do something for yourself. Your parents are forcing you to do things that you do not want to and you never knew what it is like to do something for yourself. Once you achieve that freedom you will learn what life is really about and begin to enjoy it. Do you maybe have an older brother or sister you could move in with to get away from your parents for a while? Thats another option. Just stay strong sweetie, don’t let them cotorl your life to such a great extent. You are still young but not that young that they can do this to you. Please do not think about suicide. I don’t know if any of this helped but i hope you took the time to read this. Please also do not hesitate to mail me if you want to talk about some things. I hope you feel better.

Your parents are behaving completely inappropriately, but they do it because they love you and that is the only way they can think of to try and help you have a good life. I wouldn’t say you should talk back to them like some other people on here are saying. They will be part of you forever and many people would be grateful to have parents who cared about them at all. Plus you have to live with them for another year. I would say, keep trying to persuade them to allow you more freedom. Maybe help out around the house without asking to earn trust. It might be good to start asking to be allowed to hang out with friends in a study group and then ease up to hanging out for fun. Explain that colleges in America don’t want students who only study. It will actually help your chances of admission as well as your sanity if you are in school clubs (with friends!) or cultivate outside interests, such as drawing or design. If they don’t believe you, get your school counselor to explain or ask a teacher who manages an academic competition team like science olympiad or quiz bowl to call them and say that you are such a good student they want you on their team. Your parents might say yes if it’s framed as an academic honor. Just explain to the teacher that your parents are so strict they don’t want you to do anything but study, even school clubs, and teachers will take pity on you and help out, especially if you do well in the subject. Academic competitions may not sound like fun, but they really are and practices usually involve social time. As for schoolwork, it is always good to keep your options open in case design doesn’t work out, so keep getting good grades even if you’re tempted to get bad ones to rebel. Personally, I would advise following your parents’ rules and staying in the closet and being respectful until you graduate from high school. Then you need to take control of your own life. Go to college where (and when and if) you want to. You might need to compromise to keep their financial support, but don’t let them influence your decision by yelling or hitting or being manipulative. It is imperative that you move out after high school, since your home situation is causing mental health issues. Once you no longer live with them, they can’t stop you from having fun with friends and exploring romance. They don’t even have to know. Just keep your sanity until then, and good luck! Graduation really does come eventually. Suicide in your case is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem.

Oh wow… I’m only 13 but I’m actually reading through this for an essay on overprotective parents. I bet you could understand why I chose that topic…Anyways, I feel exactly the same way as you. I even dress depressed. (Lol?) I’m also Asian to some extent, but not that type of Asian. I’m originally from Pakistan although I’ve been brought up in the U.S. I can’t really explain my restrictions because they’re exactly the same as yours. My only life is my life at school where I can talk to my friends. I /never/ leave the house to go out with friends. I maintained a steady average of an A since I was in kindergarten, but it all fell apart in grade 5. I know that my parents are the reason my grades have dropped. I still get mostly Bs but of course it’s not good enough. I would be a much better student if I didn’t have to concentrate every second on spending as much time as possible /talking/ to someone. I do plan to move out as soon as possible. Although I’m only thirteen years old, I’ve heard that I give advice like a wise old lady. I have to say that you should think extremely hard about breaking your relationship with your parents. I believe that moving out is a better option than calling for some sort of kid’s help like someone suggested, because this can actually land you in a foster home. Just keep yourself busy while at home. I’m also a fan of anime. Keep drawing, read, listen to music, write poetry or something. Maybe even write a novel of your life, it might even keep you busy for a year. But /never/ consider suicide as an option. Hey, I think about it all the time but I’m not going to do it. Just keep being arrogant and rude, and someday they’ll give up. That’s what I’m trying out now. Best of luck… Rida.

Alright girl let me tell you something, your parents are not christians. I am a Christian, I know and I love and believe in God, so I know that your parents behavior is not Christian in any way. God wants you to be happy, joyful, and free. Honestly, why are grades that important? Your wealth or success should NEVER define who you are. Your character and personality should. Your very brave for putting this out here on the internet, and im glad, you can see many people relate to you, and your not alone. Please dont rebel by getting yourself hurt, because it will hurt you in the long run. the BEST thing you can do, is to ignore your parents restrictive rules, because they are unrealistic and suppressive. And that is no way to live your life. I have friends who are in VERY similar situations, but, believe it or not, its even more extreme, all of there relatives are mentally insane, so they have no where to run to, and there mother is controlling (and growing dangerously insane) In fact, they cant even drink milk or soda or eat chocolate. I think that, IRONICALLY, God is your answer here. not your parents idea of “God”, but the real God. I am aware that you posted this 2 years ago, but hopefully you will still get this message. you must find your way, and you will, hopefully soon. I hope that you have left your parents behind by now, as your probably, what, 18? you should search from some good people, maybe people who are older then you, and know what your going through, people who can be like substitute parents. Thats what my friends have done, and its really helped them. Don’t give up on God just because your parents abuse the religion. They no nothing, and probably dont even know how to read the bible correctly. And honestly I dont know where or what country you live in but in the U.S they would consider that Mental Child Abuse. I’m so sorry your parents have failed you, this world is really messed up. Just try your best to look for the good and loyal friends, and the ‘right’ man, and make sure he treats you well, and raise your kids with the freedom and happiness that your parents wrongfully denied you. A lot of people have been what youve been through, your not alone, EVER, and you will make it out ok. I will pray for you, that you find the life you need, and that you are freed from your parents restrictions.

and grades really arent everything. :P I think you should continue to study IN THE ARTS!!! Go to college for ART AND CREATIVITY! Vent out your emotions on paper!! Do it girl!!! People who live thousands of miles away, and have never even met you, stand up for you. Now that should be a big hope right there!! :)

Try being the parent of a teen. you will then understand. Teens say—You dont trust me…(wahhh)… but the moment you let them go, guess what? You know what . Be glad you have parents that care for you.

easy break the rules get in trouble it cant hurt :D

…wow I have the same problem …never had a girlfriend cus I cant mix with oppisite sex (im male), never really hang out with anyone ..im 15 and I cant even develope a decent social life just study, study ,study. I’m muslim and shit my parents are strict im not bisexual or gay but..I think guys find bisexual girls really attractive and hey if you feel comfortable doin it then so be it. :)

I actually was reading through all the comments posted here to get some advice for myself. I am 22 years old, currently still in college, and completely miserable because my parents refuse to treat me like an adult. I have decent grades, I have a part-time job as a legal assistant at a law firm, and I have plans to go to law school after my undergraduate degree. I am an extremely motivated, driven, and responsible individual, but my parents still think I’m 15, not 22. I’ve tried speaking with them calmly. The only response I received was - Yes, you are a responsible child, but as long as we support you financially, you have to obey our rules. I’ve spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I feel helpless and alone. Because I am financially dependent on my parents, I am incapable of making my own decisions in life. The only advice I can give, is to stick it out until you are capable of financially supporting yourself. I plan on finishing my degree as soon as possible, moving out, and going to law school part time because my freedom has become not only a need, but an obsession. Hang in there and know there are people just like you in the same situation.

study hard at school and just handle your parents its not for much longer. study hard and get a good job and pay so you can move out. its only for a few ,more years then you have your whole life ahead of you.

Ok, take advantage of how far theyre going, legally. Some of these things they can’t do. You don’t have to go to college if you don’t want to. (Although I hightly recommend you do!) And they can’t say that you can’t be in a relationship until you’ve done that. Once you hit 18, date all the guys (and girls) you want, they can’t stop you. Searching your backpack without your consent. That has to stop, it’s a violation of your privacy. Make it clear to your mom that she can’t do that anymore. Also, he beats you? B.A.D!

But, use it to your advantage, I’ll say it again. Give your parents an ultimatem, you are going to sit down, and talk about this, and negotiate a compromise. You’re going to have more priveledges, and more of a social life. You CAN go out with boys, as well as girls. You CAN go to those conventions, things like that. If they don’t agree to this, your going to turn in your dad to CPS for beating you.

hey I’ve been in the exact same situation since I’ve been out of the womb, and im a guy. I went through the same dark, depressing phases you’re describing and they intensified because the older I got, the more successful and mature I became, the more they became protective of this success…so it hasn’t gotten any better even as I’ve established myself more and more as a person in accordance with their material standards. I graduated first out my high school class, was a three year letterman and captain of my vball team, won writing competitions, got above an A- average through college and graduated with high honors…now, im getting ready to enter grad school and my parents’ view of me still hasn’t changed. however, I can tell you this: in high school, sports and writing were my savior, my only opening to the outside world, and the only “life” I had…and college, well I had to come home every single weekend, but those were the best years of my life. some advice, if they make you stay near, stay near but beyond the commuting range, I think that would make you cry yourself to sleep every night. college is something to look forward to, it can be the most amazing experience in spite of the restictions(other ways I was on a leash: direct phone line to my dorm and apt, random calling, they’d check who I was calling on the cell phone bill each mth)…but I managed and have come away with genuine, great friendships, a couple relationships(those those failed because of the restictions, thats a tough one), and success.

I have to warn you though, you have to listen to yourself before you make the next moves in your life, each and every minute. don’t listen too closely to those who sympathize with your plight but can’t empathize, because that is pretty much everyone. most people can’t fathom this kind of life and will think you’re a coward in a way. but my point is…if you choose to break with your parents, you know that is gonna be a huge deal and its gonna take a lot of healing time, and the biggest thing is you’re gonna be on you’re own. maybe you can get on by yourself, but you’re gonna be risking your whole future because of it. if you stay on as is, you’ll feel you’re compromising your ideals and your integrity as you get older for the sake of family peace, security, discipline, and ultimately, success. of course, you can try to get the best of both worlds, but like I said, really really think before you make your next move. if you struggle too much with your personal life, this may f* up your grades…id say, keep the grades a constant priority and then deal with the rest of your life as you wish.

me? my plan is to complete grad school, then when I feel secure enough, hopefully six mnths after graduation, I will move out on my own, no stopping me. I need the several months to make sure I have some money in my account(student loans will be overwhelming). my undergrad days weren’t ridic crazy, they could have been crazier, but first of all im not a crazy person and I don’t compromise my own ideals for the sake of rebellion…looking back though, I developed and made(maybe not the most) A LOT of my days the last few years, I really enjoyed them and myself. so don’t think you have to decide whether to jump ship or not just yet, as you go on to bigger and better things there will be a greater degree of freedom for you to enjoy(but still a crazy life when seen by others).

It is for your own good! =D

I read most of the comments and well I can completely understand where you’re coming from, I’m 22 years old turning 23 in October and I live with my over-the-top strict Salvadoran mom. She is identical to your parents, I have a really good paying full-time job but at home she still treats me like I’m 15. She checks my cellphone and handbag, I can’t have guy friends, I’m not able to stay out past 10pm and that’s if she feels like letting me out at all-its crazy I’m still going through this at 22 almost 23 years old!! If you ask why I’m still living with her, well unfortunately my greencard was denied back in 2003 when she got it I was suppose to get it but didn’t, so ever since my case with a lawyer has been “on going” so she’s been representing me legally and so just last summer I got a freakin id-I didn’t even have an id for some time after 2003. Luckily I’m finally going to court to have my case approved by a judge on September 2nd, hopefully by December I should have something and I’m hoping to maybe get a small apartment of my own being I’m an only child as well, it’ll be hard but if I stay any longer after my case is resolved I think I will seriously commit suicide, no joke!!!