Why are my parents like this? (PLEASE HELP!!) ?

I turn 18 in June. I still live at home, I am the eldest of 3 kids,my sister is 2 years younger than I and the youngest is my brother, 4 years younger than I. Next year is my final year of school and then I plan to move out, to the capital.

My parents are older than most of the parents of my friends of the same age, mom’s is 55 and dad is going on 57, but they don’t really look their ages. They’re both strict and old fashioned in different ways, mom is a catholic small town country girl who never left her hometown much except for her wedding and honeymoon. She lives just up the road from her childhood home. She’s always been strict about appearance, boys, studies. I couldn’t get my ear lobes pierced until after 16! and she’s never drank or smoked. She keeps saying that friends and boys can wait until after I finish school. My dad has travelled the world and lived in many different places. He was rich growing up, unlike my mom. He’s funny about boys obviously, super strict on respect and manners,swearing and chores etc. He’s very severe with punishment. He will take my phone away if I so much as look at him funny or he thinks I’m smirking! They both used to hit us with whatever came to hand growing up, but now only my mom is violent with me as she has a bad temper and no patience. She is no listener, while my dad will listen, but they don’t do reasoning or discussing and are very awkward around a lot of things. I’m with my boyfriend for a year and a half and they can’t talk to me about sex or anything like that!!

My parents are complex creatures!!

Anyway, they like to keep my as a child. Well I’m expected to pay for my stuff,wake myself up, get myself to school and make my own food, take care of the dog, wash my own clothes etc. but in regards to privileges and responsibilities and freedom…I might as well be 12!

It seems the older I get, the less freedom I get it seems and the harsher they get. I’m not a bad kid. They know I don’t smoke or do drugs and believe I don’t drink. I go to church every weekend and holy day for my mom, even though I don’t believe in God any more and have told her! I speak Irish (my mothers native language) as she likes, more than my siblings! I’m the first up in the house at 6:50am every weekday morning to get the bus. I always go to school and do my homework!

When I was 16, I was allowed stay out until 10 or 11 in the city with my friends, now they collect and drop me everywhere when I don’t want them to! Even after my boyfriends (under 18) gigs, they won’t allow me to get a lift home with his parents! In the summer my mom won’t let me go for walks down the little roads through the fields near our house because there might be “strangers” ! (but she will never say, you might get raped!!), they only let me walk my dog BEFORE twilight, and then complain that I don’t walk him! We live in the middle of nowhere, there are no alleyways and the area \around us is open, I don’t wander in forests or bushes at night! They barely let me down to the stony beach at the end of our road. I’m not allowed on the train by myself or travel to another county by myself or with friends. They won’t let me drive or teach me! I’m very rarely allowed stay over at a friends house or go to their house if my parents don’t know them or their parents and my dad has actually driven me 30 miles recently to my friends house when I wanted to stay over without telling me whether I could stay over or not and demanded to meet her parents! :/ Every time they go away for the night, I have to stay over at my Granny’s down the road. I’m nearly 18 and not allowed stay in the house 1 night without my parents!! I still have to ask permission of both of them before I go ANYWHERE! and they always say they have to “talk to each other” about it and then they tell me at the last minute or the night before, inconveniencing my friends and travel! My mom takes half the money I earn! I try and let them in…I tell them the details of the event, ask can I have my friends over so they can get to know them and trust me more but they never have anyone over! I’ve pushed my boyfriend over here about 3 times now but it hasn’t really helped! I’ve tried saying I’ll call them every half hour when I’m out, that they can drop me there etc. ,that I won’t stay over , but it doesn’t work!! With every birthday, it’s the same rules! and they say it will be the same until I move out. Mom says my age makes no difference and still says I’m too young to date, a year and a half into my relationship, even though she likes my boyfriend!

No matter what grade I get, it never good enough. I get no praise, mom just says “keep working” , “you can do better” etc. She makes up ridiculous stories about her friends kids who are apparent “gods” and that she’s embarrassed to say how I do at school and chores wise.

I’m not praised for not succumbing to peer pressure, but if I step out of line, they come down on me like a tonne of bricks!! My friend’s parents give them bit by bit of more freedom as they approach 18 so that they don’t go crazy when they turn that age. I’m worried I will or that my parents will trap me! I’ve gotten jobs myself and worked all last summer and never smoked, and now my friend who gave up smoking and got a job is like god in her house!

Should I go bad to make them see I was good?

Answer #1

I went through the same thing with my parents growing up. It was horrible not being allowed to have friends, or any kind of life outside of home. I can feel you whole heartedly and at least you seem to have a tiny bit more freedom than I did. My best advice is just keep your chin up and don’t let it ruin you. I admit now I have a hard time going out and meeting people and feel awkward in groups. I try, but its like I really don’t know how to act around other people. But just hold on there, you will get through it and just make the best of it. You are almost 18 and it sounds like you already have a game plan in mind. I think it is that nearly all parents are harder on the oldest. I guess its because we are the first and they are still learning as they go. I don’t blame why parents for the way things were, and I don’t think you should either. They are trying their best, and doing what they think is right based on what they know. There have been a few times now, my mom has admitted to me that she made mistakes and realizes things now, and that she was sorry things weren’t better. I’m sure yours are the same. And I am sure they would say the same I heard from my mom too, that they are proud of you and love you.

And trust me, and this is experience talking, lashing out at them and trying to rebel does NOT help. You thought its bad now, doing that will make it ten times worse.

Answer #2

Your parents are a classic authoritarian parents where they want their way most, if not all the time. You should definitely not rebel, since in the end it will be you will will get hurt more. Obviously you know better than that. You obviously are responsible and obedient. Try to understand that your parents always have your best interest at heart and they just want the best for you. Although they may not necessarily know how to go about it in a more open and trusting way. And hey, just because you’ve reached the age of maturity doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want right? Just keep doing the responsible thing while at the same time letting them know how you truly feel about them always being on your case. But say it in a mature and non-defensive manner. Try and make them see that you need some space and are old enough to make your own decisions and choices while at the same time owning up to their consequences. It seems they are afraid of making you make mistakes.. everyone makes mistakes and IT IS OKAY to make mistakes just as long as you learn from those mistakes. The other thing you could do if talking to them just isn’t comfortable with you is you could try writing them a letter and telling them how you feel about the way they treat you. then leave it in the kitchen or in the living room where your dad and/or mom can pick it up and read it when you are not around. hopefully they will sit back and realize that they are being too overbearing and that they should give you the freedom you deserve to explore and enjoy your youth.

Answer #3

yuo know you can move out of your parents house at 16 maybe you should just move out and then youll have all the freedom you want. and if you moms taking half of the money you earn and hitting you then oyu just need to tell her to stop and if its bad enought than yuo shoulod call the cops or child protective sevices

Answer #4

Going bad isn’t going to do you any good, that’s one of the stupidest things you could do, don’t give them a reason to be disappointed in you. You’re almost eighteen, go out and make something of yourself, they can’t stop you from that once you’re legal. Don’t go nuts, and try to take someone with you if you decide to move out or anything, so it’s easier to deal with, but be ready to be in conflict with that person. You put two people in the same house and they’re going to irritate each other. If you have enough money and a desire to go to University, go for it, University is great. Make sure you’re happy with yourself and try not to worry as much about your parents opinion on what you’re doing.

Answer #5

I think its great you don’t runaway like other kids probably would. since your almost done with high school, try to get into a nice college/university with dorms . high school is nothing. you start having real fun when you graduatd and go to college. its kinda good that your parents are strict, lots of teens with careless parents do drugs, bang strangers, and stuff. I live with a strict mom and she also compares me to other kids but I’ve been ignoring her a lot. dont like listenin to ppls bs. glad to hear your an atheist, like me. yea so just wait till you get into college and get a dorm or somethin

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