Funadvice Logo
+ List
More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

Another poem of mine

I wrote this poem when I was 12 and just want to see what you think:

The girl that changed my heart

There is a girl, Who lay her head, Upon my chest, To lose herself, In the valley of the shadow of death.

She never knew where she was going, Rowing down the river to a much forbidden land. Right into the trap that I had planned. The animals for boredom, And the children just for games, The nooses in the trees And all the blood in all the cages.

I told her, “if you care to, flip the pages and see what has become of me since the day that I was born.”

But, when she looked into my eyes, To discern the truth from all the lies, She had stumbled upon a thing, Which did catch her by surprise.

All the lives I had toyed with and destroyed, Were all locked up in a box. The wonder the amazement, disappointment, And enragement were all coiled up together In the form of a lock, on a box That I had kept with me deep inside my heart.

She knew where I had been, And she knew where we were going. She burned a path right to my door and I had let her in. But how? She didn’t say a word. But why? If she does this anymore, Then I’ll become what I am aiming to avoid, Under the cover of the night…

There is a girl, Who lay her head, Upon my chest, To lose herself, In the valley of the shadow of life.

What do you think???

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

YES YES YES JAES!!! Thank you for taking the time to understand the underlying meaning of my poem! Unlike these spoon-fed babies who for some reason, can’t. :)

Answer #2

it’s kind of hard to understand. maybe if you give a theme to it, you’ll be able to understand it more.

Answer #3

That was truely beautiful Jax, I’m in TEARS right now:)

Answer #4

I thought it was awesome, it was about the realization of love right?

Answer #5

I think your poem is very sweet and nice!!

Answer #6

hey its nice but wel I couldnt understand the whole meaning of it …but it I liked it

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

Poems Please

Literature, Arts & Humanities, Education

Advisor

Diamond Nail Supplies

Nail Supplies, Beauty Essentials, Salon Equipment

Advisor

Jay Lillibridge

Literature, Fiction, Book Sales

Advisor

Shopnobilap

Literature, Online Publishing, Community

Advisor

Silverhints

Poetry, Shayari, Ghazal