Another broken heart poem...

“ready to fall”

I was always the funny one. I was a tomboy too. Always looking for fun. There was so much more to do. I had a crush on this boy. For him, I really cared. Though he treated me like a toy. Deep down I was so scared. To face another day of pain. To cry as I speak. To face him in the rain. As my heart started to leak. Everyday I saw black. Lurking in the sky. Beauty I felt, I lacked. Another reason for me to die. I went through the dreadful hours. Of people laughing at me. He said this love was ours. But his lies were all I could see. One night I saw a knife. Lying on the table. A way to stop my life. My heart began to stable.
First I cut with rulers. It hurt so good. I thought I was much cooler. Than I ever could. Then I cut with knives. It wasn’t all that bad. It was a way to kill my cries. After all, I felt less sad. At night I was really scared. Of what I became. I felt as if no one cared. I lived so ashamed. My jackets were stained with blood. I didn’t mind. My anger flew above. Leaving me some time. To think about my choices. And what I became. To hear those dreading voices. And what a shame. To force myself to cut. To force myself to bleed. To force myself to cry. To force myself to be. The nightmare of myself. The dreading of them all. The fear clogged up inside me. As I was ready to fall.